Have we forgotten how to give gifts?

There was a time when buying someone a gift required a little detective work. You remembered the book they mentioned six months ago, noticed their favourite perfume was nearly finished or filed away the fact that they had been eyeing a particular bag. Now, there is usually a link. “Just send me what you want” has become the new gifting brief.

There’s nothing wrong with getting someone exactly what they want. Wishlists prevent bad presents, registries prevent duplicates, and gift cards offer freedom of choice. But somewhere between Instagram saves, shopping algorithms, and AI-generated gift guides, we've made gifting so efficient that we've removed some of the thinking that made it meaningful. The answer isn't to become better at guessing. It's to become better at noticing. Want to get better at it? Start here.

What have they mentioned lately?

The best gift ideas often hide in throwaway comments: the friend complaining that their headphones are falling apart, the sister who keeps talking about a particular author, the colleague who's become obsessed with making coffee. Shop from the conversation, not the algorithm. A coffee obsessive might appreciate a beautiful hand grinder or a subscription to interesting beans; a reader could get a special edition of the book they won't stop talking about.

What do they use every day?

Look at their routines. What do they use, carry, wear, or reach for constantly? Upgrading something ordinary can feel surprisingly luxurious: a beautiful water bottle for the friend who never leaves home without one, a silk eye mask for someone who travels constantly or a good piece of jewellery to replace the one they've worn into the ground.

What would they never buy themselves?

Think about the things they love but can't quite justify spending money on: an excellent candle, an unnecessarily beautiful serving bowl, a cashmere scarf, a fragrance they've been testing in stores. The best gifts often sit in that sweet spot between "I want this" and "I would never buy this for myself." 

What is actually their taste?

Not yours. Theirs. Before buying the beautiful ceramic vase you would love on your own coffee table, consider whether they would, too. Look at what they already wear, collect, cook with or keep around their home. A gift should feel like an extension of someone's personality, not an invitation to adopt yours.

Can you make it more personal?

Sometimes the object is only half the gift. A monogram, engraving, handwritten note, custom illustration or framed photograph can turn something ordinary into something specific. Better still, give them something that only you could have chosen: a snack you both ate on a memorable trip, a tiny object connected to an old joke, or something that reminds them of a moment they thought you'd forgotten. The goal is to make the choice unmistakably yours and theirs.

The best gift isn't always a surprise, and it certainly isn't always the most expensive thing on the wishlist. It's the one that makes someone think, "How did you remember that?" Because perhaps that is what we've been missing. The real pleasure of a gift isn't simply getting something you want. It's the small, lovely proof that someone has been paying attention to you, even when you weren't asking them to.
 

Lead image: Pexels

Also read: The big girl buys that are actually worth the splurge

Also read: Can we finally stop saying "for a woman" every time we compliment one?