Here’s why improving your sex life should be your New Year resolution

The dawn of a New Year is the time when everyone takes the time out to self-reflect on the year that was and plan for the next one. When it comes to setting resolutions, most of them revolve around fitness, career goals, and improving wealth, to name a few. This often results in overlooking and ignoring a very crucial aspect of one’s life that affects them all—their intimacy and sex life. Little does one know that while it may not be the top of the list when it comes to New Year resolutions, it can lead to a ripple effect of positive changes in nearly every area of your life. 

This doesn’t mean that one must have more sex, absolutely not. It’s more about creating a safe and intimate space where you get to explore, connect, and grow either individually or with your partner. The ways to do this are by speaking openly to your partner about your fantasies and desires, talking about any unresolved issues, finding out new ways to keep the spark alive, etc. 

Here’s why focusing on improving your sex life could be one of the most rewarding resolutions you make this year.

The many benefits: To begin with, a fulfilling sex life enhances emotional and physical intimacy in a relationship. The open discussions about desires, boundaries and preferences will improve communication. The sex that you’ll have will boost your physical and mental health as endorphins and oxytocin will help reduce stress and anxiety. Embracing your sexual self can lead to a more positive body image. The feeling of being desired and fulfilled sexually will boost your self-esteem and personal empowerment. The exploration of these preferences and setting boundaries will lead to you having a greater sense of self-awareness as well. A satisfying sex life will help counterbalance the pressures and stress of life, such as work, keeping you more productive and energised. Lastly, it’s good and a whole lot of fun. 

How does one go about it? 

Speaking about the start that one takes, Khushi Parikh, sexuality counsellor and therapist at GetIntimacy and Pallavi Barnwal, sexuality and intimacy coach and founder of GetIntimacy, author of the book '69+ Saucy Positions and Techniques to Spice up your Intimate Life' were on the same page when it comes to having the intent to make sex and intimacy a priority. “As an intimacy coach, I keep encouraging individuals and couples to view sexual well-being and give it importance. You can involve your partner, but it’s more important to make that step from within. Self-intimacy matters more. If you’re more aware of your body, you can present yourself better to your better,” says Parikh.   

“Start by being intentional about intimacy. Every relationship dynamic is unique. Some could be parents, those without kids, or a live-in couple, everything is different. But what binds them all together is the intent for intimacy this year. Are you craving more care, understanding, connection, or more thrill? Coming up with your own needs is important. Intention leads to attention as you then make things happen. When people are clear, they can take the next steps ahead. It’s not about the technique as much as it is about the approach. In a long list of what’s important, intimacy is always at the bottom. You should care about your partner so much that you make an effort to pay attention to it. People will struggle to achieve that in a setting where achievements matter more. This is why we give more importance to work over our personal life,” says Barnwal. 

Resolutions to keep

“We will talk openly and honestly about our sexual desires, needs, and boundaries.”

Speak openly with your partner about your sexual desires, fantasies, and needs. Discussing what you like and don't like can help you both feel more comfortable and understood. Add to that, pay attention to what they want as active listening fosters intimacy and emotional connection. 

“We will prioritize intimacy and make time for physical connection, even in our busy schedules.”

Life can be hectic, and sexual intimacy often gets sidelined. Avoid making sex feel like a task. Instead, approach it as an opportunity to connect, explore, and enjoy one another without the expectation of always having to ‘perform’. 
By making time for each other regularly, even if it means scheduling it, couples can ensure they don’t drift apart sexually or emotionally. Physical touch like hugging, cuddling, and kissing builds intimacy and affection outside of intercourse. Make time for these simple acts to strengthen your emotional bond and make physical intimacy more meaningful. Along with doing things, do also take the time out to appreciate and reflect on your sexual relationship. Doing so will help you and your partner feel valued, and validated and lead to both people having an immense sense of gratitude and affection toward one another.

“We will try something new in our sex life—whether it's a new position, toy, or experience.”

Variety is the spice of life. By exploring new ways to have sex, you and your partner do away with the monotony and figure out what are the new things that you enjoy. This could mean trying out new positions, and foreplay techniques, integrating sex toys, games, roleplay, massages, music, and new places to have sex. These new experiences keep the fire in the relationship. The two of you can make a checklist of fantasies and activities that you’ve always wanted to try. Taking the time out to create a sensual environment will help both partners relax, connect, and enjoy. Another very important thing that you can do is to be spontaneous. Be it a small gesture or going all out, any surprise goes a long way in enhancing emotional and sexual attraction. 

That said, keep your expectations very realistic. Focus on the quality rather than the frequency as the pressure to meet sexual standards can create stress. 

"We will increase our knowledge and/or seek professional help to learn more about sexuality"

Seek professional help, if required, should you or your partner be facing issues such as erectile dysfunction, low libido, or intimacy problems. It is a sign of strength, not weakness. Sex therapy, counselling or couples therapy can provide a way to work through any problems in your relationship or sex life. This also gives you the opportunity to learn about sexuality, sexual health, and techniques with your partner and create a sense of teamwork and intrigue to know and do more/better. Remember to keep an open mind as you soak in new information and continue to discover new ways to deepen your intimacy—be it through conversation, or doing things together. Its resulting effect leads to both partners understanding each other’s needs and pleasures. 

Lead image: Netflix

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