Once an anxious person, always an anxious person? Here's how to stop your anxiety
This is how to get your mental health in check - because while it might *feel* like a panic spiral will last forever, it doesn't have to.
Anyone who has ever dealt with anxiety (hiya, same) will know just how easy it is to feel like you’ll be trapped in the spiral of panic and overthinking forever. When an anxiety attack hits, it can seriously become all consuming. The physical symptoms – which can span from heart palpitations to nausea to tingling limbs – plus your mind being in overdrive, can all leave you struggling to remember a time when you simply felt… normal.
Up until recently, I’d had months of being anxiety attack-free. In fact, I’d secretly started to think it was something I’d finally ‘grown out of’ (at the age of 32), but when I found myself back in that state of heightened, inexplicable worry and fear over the summer, it really did feel like my anxiety would never be cured. Or that I’d never feel myself again. Both thoughts that ironically can cause said bout of anxiety to last even longer.
So, if you've also found yourself wrapped up in a bleak thought pattern like that, one way to help yourself step out of the anxiety cycle is to logically and rationally remind yourself that those intense feelings won't last forever. They physically can't.
But can anxiety ever really (and completely) go away – or will it always be loitering in the background somewhere, ready to strike? And how can you best keep it at bay? Keen to learn more about whether or not it’s a case of ‘once an anxious girlie, always an anxious girlie’ and how to better deal with anxiety, I spoke to psychotherapist, Helen Wells, about it all.
Will my anxiety ever go away?
According to Wells, the answer is yes – a specific anxiety attack will certainly not last forever, even if it might feel permanent in the moment. However, on a longer-term basis, the answer of whether or not anxiety is permanent gets a little more complex.
“If you are naturally an anxious person, it's unlikely to be a ‘one time and done’ experience, but by creating a toolbox of strategies, skills and tools, you can lean on those when you're taken out of your comfort zone [or you find yourself in an anxious period],” Wells says.
The psychotherapist uses the analogy that anxiety being like an old injury that can flare up from time to time without proper care, and says breathwork, a structured routine, good sleeping, eating and self-care can all go a long way. Medication may or may not feature as part of your toolbox; it’s a personal choice and one to discuss with your healthcare team.
As for when you’re in the depths of an anxiety attack, it’s natural to catch yourself thinking "I’m never going to get better", or "I’ll always feel this way" when you’re of an anxious disposition and going through a bad spell – but if you find yourself making assertions that include the words "always" and "never", you may have fallen into a ‘thinking trap’. And this kind of black and white thinking can trap you further into a vicious cycle of worry.
Other things to look out for include assuming the worst ("this headache is probably a brain tumour"), or mind-reading ("they all think I'm incompetent"). Noticing yourself having these thoughts is the first step to controlling them. Then you can start challenging yourself on these assertions. Is it really that black and white? Are there shades of grey? Are you making assumptions based on little evidence?
Is anxiety a chronic condition?
As for why some people get anxious to the point where it’s hard to control (and not others), Wells points to research that suggests it could be a mix of DNA and learned behaviours (one study suggests if you have a parent or sibling with an anxiety disorder, you’re roughly two to six times more likely to develop a similar condition).
Genes – which can be switched on and off by lifestyle factors – along with your upbringing and environment, plus drug and alcohol use, can also play a role in how anxious you feel.
As for where anxiety stems from in the body, Wells explains that it tends to come about when the nervous system (which controls things like breathing and heart rate) gets a little out of whack.
“There are three pathways in our autonomic nervous system, one of which is called the sympathetic nervous system – and when triggered, that can put us in a flight or fight response. After a while, that releases toxins and poisons; a body is not designed to stay in that mode for longer than 20 to 60 minutes,” the expert shares.
Sometimes though, our bodies can glitch and the sympathetic nervous system might be working overtime. “That's when the physical impact starts to take effect, then your prefrontal is impacted and you can't think straight, because it’s over-stimulated,” Wells adds.
In order to help yourself return to a calm state, she advises breathwork (proven to have a positive impact), meditation, keeping to a structured and stable routine, and physically moving your body if you can.
How do you know if you’ve got anxiety?
It can sometimes be hard to know if you’ve got anxiety or are just feeling appropriately anxious given your circumstances. But there are clues, says Wells, such as the intensity of your feelings, whether or not they’re rational, how long they last and how frequently they occur – along with whether or not you feel they’re manageable.
“If you've got to do a major presentation, that’s an understandable [reason to feel anxious],” says Wells. “A little bit of anxiety, in some instances, can even give you the edge. [But it’s about asking] does this feel manageable? In an event scenario like that, if you’re normally not an anxious person, once it’s finished you’ll likely feel normal again. But if you’re an anxious person, [before, during and after you might] need your toolkit to get through – otherwise, people can start to isolate, they withdraw, and that can lead to depression.”
How can I manage anxiety?
Along with building a toolkit (which could include anything from breathwork exercises to medication, physical exercise to therapy), like Wells suggests, it’s important to note that what works for one person may not necessarily work for another. When drilling down on how best to manage your own anxiety, it could mean doing research, speaking to your doctor and getting support from your friends and family. And if results aren’t immediate, don’t lose heart – it can take time.
Discovering patterns in your anxiety might give you vital clues as to what triggers it and keeps it going too: think about specific times you felt anxious, then look for any patterns. Note down when you felt most anxious, along with where you were, who you were with, what was happening, whether you slept well the night before, and what you ate and drank in the hours before. You’ll start to see trends emerging, which will help you predict – and ultimately better control – your symptoms.
Wells also suggests giving ‘cognitive restructuring’ a go. “It’s where we understand our negative thoughts, and by restructuring them and understanding the level of distortion [they can bring], we can get a more balanced view. Take someone with social anxiety who has a party to attend, they might be thinking ‘Oh my God, I've got to go and meet these people, nobody will like me and I'll be standing on my own’ – I’d advise them to challenge that and restructure the thoughts into a more positive perspective, to keep the anxiety reduced.” In that instance, you might reframe your fears as ‘The likelihood is I’ll meet at least one person I can chat to, there are probably others feeling similarly to me and ultimately, if I don’t forge a connection with them… I can just leave. No big deal!’.”
In the short-term and for moments when you’re already panicking, Wells endorses breath work. “I like the 4-7-8 breathing sequence: breathe in for four, hold for seven, out for eight. It’s a quick tool that can help bring the anxiety down.”
For me personally, I’ve found it’s all about nailing the basics: getting enough sleep, eating as many whole foods as possible (and avoiding sugar, caffeine and alcohol), exercising regularly, and when possible, sticking to a routine that helps me feel in control.
Talking is key too, I’ve found good success with therapy (be it both via professional sessions and opening up to loved ones) and on occasion have temporarily taken medication. Talking about your mental health isn’t weak, it’s vital – and it may even help the person you confide in to open up to you too, so you can support each other through life’s challenges.
Credit: Cosmopolitan