How Online Sale Shopping Left 1 Man With a Broken Penis

​Single's Day is a national holiday held in China for young people to celebrate their singledom, because why not?! It's held on Nov. 11 also, because all those ones are to represent folks going solo — one isn't the loneliest number in this sense, it's doing just fine thxvm. In recent years, it has become an online shopping shitshow also; big box e-tailer Alibaba, for example, saw over $14 billion worth of transactions made on the day this year.

And here is a story of pain worse than the pain you feel when you miss out on the special $14 waffle iron Black Friday deal on Amazon.com because your browser is too damn slow for that shit. Shanghaiist reports (via The Cut) on a couple caught mid-sexytimes the moment this year's Single Day sales went live. Thanks to an alarm set on her phone, the lady in question literally "rolled off" her guy to get to her bargains in a frenzy, and somehow fractured his penis in the process. The extent of his injury was not fully apparent (How?!) until later the day, when the peen became "purple and swollen," like an eggplant emoji, I suppose, except nobody wants to Snapchat that. Or maybe they do. 

Anyway, it was only then that the couple went to a hospital where, following a "quick" operation, Shanghaiist says everything is all hunky dory again in the pants department. Hopefully the window of time that played out before the couple realized what had happened afforded the lady here some good purchases — and perhaps her partner held out on telling her until he really had to for those reasons. Love on in the time of e-commerce, y'all; it's for real.

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