Have we made love bombing dangerously easy to fall for?

In 2026, the funniest and most depressing thing about being a single woman going on dates is that we have genuinely started celebrating very, very little.

I know women who have come home from a first date genuinely moved because a man was chivalrous, tipped the service staff, and asked follow-up questions. I am one of those women. I also know women who have described someone as emotionally mature simply because he texted back within the hour. The bar has recalibrated so dramatically that basic human curiosity now reads as extraordinary. And the men who have figured this out—who understand that simply showing up, paying attention, and demonstrating the bare minimum can make you feel like you’ve finally found an anomaly—are often the most dangerous ones in the room.

A few months ago, I was at a bar with someone who asked me about films and then kept the conversation going. What was I listening to lately? What was driving my work right now? At one point, he referenced something I had mentioned twenty minutes earlier, which, if you have spent any amount of time dating in this city, you will know is not exactly guaranteed. I went home and texted my friend something along the lines of, “Okay, he was actually great,” and she replied, “Wait, really?” I said yes, and that became the entire debrief.

Two women who had collectively survived enough talking stages, soft launches, and situationships to fill a moderately depressing memoir were genuinely impressed by a man who asked follow-up questions and picked up the tab. 

I lay in bed that night doing that thing where you replay the evening and look for the catch, because at this point, finding the catch early feels safer than being surprised by it later. My friends do this too. We have all, at various points, come home from a date and genuinely been unable to answer the question of whether we liked the person or were just relieved someone had shown up and tried. Which, when you think about it, is a deeply funny thing to be confused about. So the question worth asking is: have we made it so easy to show up well for a month and disappear without consequence, that some men have simply learned to game it?

Later that night, I found myself replaying the evening, searching for the catch. At this point, identifying the disappointment early can feel safer than being blindsided by it later. My friends do the same. Most women I know have, at some point, come home from a date unable to tell whether they actually liked the person or were simply relieved that someone had shown up and made an effort. When you think about it, it is both deeply funny and slightly tragic.

So maybe the real question is this: have we made it so easy to impress us and disappear without consequence that some men have simply learned how to game the system?

Why love bombing feels so good at first 

Love bombing is, simply put, when a man makes you feel intensely seen, special, and desired. The funniest thing is that he does this so quickly and so thoroughly that by the time you think to question it, you are already three weeks in and telling your friends he might be different. It is the double texts before you have even replied to the first one. It is "I was just thinking about you" at 11 pm on a Tuesday, again. It is him bringing up the thing you said about your mom on the first date, unprompted, two weeks later, in a way that makes you think oh, he actually listens. Which he does. That is the thing. He absolutely does.

Which is the maddening part, honestly, because from the inside, it just feels like someone who is genuinely into you. It feels like someone who is really into you, and that, fundamentally, is a completely normal human experience. Your body has no reason to flag it. The “I have never connected with anyone like this” line works because some part of you wanted to hear it, and wanting to hear something like that does not make you gullible; it makes you human.

The problem is that performing all of this for four to six weeks costs essentially nothing, and walking away afterwards costs even less. Because the exit is always so reasonable. Never cruel. Never dramatic. Never quite concrete enough for you to push back on. It is “I have a lot going on at work right now” or “I don’t think I’m in the right headspace for this” or, the classic, “I really like you, but I don’t want to hurt you”, delivered with the same sincerity and steady eye contact he used while telling you he had never met anyone like you. And the worst part is that you cannot even be angry, because what exactly are you supposed to say? That he seemed too sure too quickly? So you go home wondering why you are reacting this way over someone you were never technically with in the first place.

I am, and I say this with complete self-awareness, a real-life Bob the Builder when it comes to men in therapy. The moment someone tells me over dinner that he has been doing a lot of work on himself, that he is aware of the patterns he is trying to break, something in my brain short-circuits. I am already in. Already extending patience, I would not have otherwise extended. Already explaining away behaviour I would have immediately flagged in someone who had not pre-filed all this emotional paperwork about himself.

My friends are exactly like me. Collectively, we have all stayed in more situationships than we should have because a man said, “I am working on my avoidant tendencies” with enough eye contact to make it sound like a promise. It is not a promise. At best, it is a disclaimer.

Every reasonable concern you raise gets absorbed into his ongoing self-improvement project, which, conveniently, never seems to produce any actual improvement. He is never quite the bad guy because he already warned you about his issues up front. He already showed you the receipts. The fact that nothing changed somehow becomes beside the point, and you are left trying to be angry at someone who apologised in advance for everything he was about to do.  

A checklist, because apparently we need one

Look, therapy is good. Men going to therapy is good. We fully support both and would like to see considerably more of it. What we are slightly less enthusiastic about is the version where the therapy vocabulary does all the heavy lifting while the actual behaviour remains exactly the same.

If you are currently dealing with a man who knows his attachment style better than he knows how to text you back consistently, here are the signs worth paying attention to:

The intensity feels too good, too early

You have been on two dates, and he is already mentioning a trip you should take together. You do not even know his surname properly, and he is already picking the Airbnb. It feels romantic, spontaneous, like finally, someone who is not afraid to show up. And then a small, irritating voice in the back of your head asks: why is he in such a hurry? That voice is usually worth listening to.

He makes you feel like nobody has ever understood him the way you do

“I don’t know why I’m telling you this. I never open up to anyone.” He is three sentences into something deeply personal on a first date, and you are already leaning in. You feel chosen. Trusted. Like you unlocked something in him nobody else could reach. The thing is, feeling like someone’s exception is one of the most disarming feelings in the world. It is also one of the easiest things to perform.

Flowers, reservations, thoughtful little surprises, all before you have had a single awkward conversation or navigated a genuinely difficult moment together. It feels romantic and, to be fair, in the moment, it absolutely is. Nobody is immune to being thoughtfully considered. But it also becomes incredibly difficult to raise concerns with someone who just orchestrated all of that for you. Which, if you think about it for long enough, is a very convenient side effect.

Lead Image: IMDb

Also Read: The new dating red flag is emotional incuriosity

Also Read: No labels, no clarity: Yet, situationships still define modern dating