How dating apps are fuelling the rise of roster dating

Every single woman I know who’s trying to date right now has some version of the same story. The people they end up drawn to are either emotionally unavailable, “focusing on themselves,” or simply not ready for anything real. At some point, you stop questioning it and start adjusting your expectations. You tell yourself this is just how things are right now, that maybe love is something you’ll deal with later, once work feels stable and life feels less chaotic.

For me, it didn’t begin with intention. It started with one situationship that stayed longer than it should have. It slipped into my routine without asking for much and without offering anything clear in return. I got used to checking my phone every ten minutes, reshuffling plans, and giving my friends vague updates that never really led anywhere. As always, “let’s see where this goes” became a placeholder for something that wasn’t going anywhere at all.

I remember the moment I decided I needed a break. It felt like the logical next step after investing so much energy into something that never became real. I told myself I’d slow down, focus on other parts of my life, and stop repeating the same cycle. That lasted until my weekends started filling up again, almost accidentally. A few conversations turned into a few dates, spaced out enough to feel manageable. One after work, one over the weekend, one that almost got cancelled but didn’t. And honestly, the fact that none of them felt serious made it easier to say yes to all of them.

What is roster dating?

Roster dating is something a lot of us have slipped into without even realising it. You start talking to one person, then another match pops up, and you respond to that too. Suddenly, your week has more “maybe plans” than actual ones. There’s the person who lives close enough for a spontaneous weekday meet, the one who’s fun to text late at night, and the one you’re still figuring out, so you keep saying yes to one more coffee. It keeps your options open while you decide how you feel.

Dating apps make this easy. New conversations begin while older ones are still half-alive. Then the icks do their job. Something small shifts how you see someone—a comment you didn’t like, a habit you can’t unsee—and the energy drops almost overnight. When there are already other chats open, you don’t dwell on it for long. Replies slow, plans fade, and someone else takes that space before you’ve even processed what changed.

Over time, this starts to affect how you approach dating. You meet someone you genuinely like, the conversation flows, there’s potential—but you still hold back. You tell yourself it’s too early to read into anything. Meanwhile, the apps keep nudging you along with new matches and new possibilities. So you stay slightly guarded, just in case. Eventually, it stops feeling like a phase and starts to feel like the default.

Emotional awareness while seeing multiple people

For Ruhman Sidhu, a fashion consultant based in Mumbai, talking to multiple people at once has never felt as casual as it sounds. She says there’s always an internal check-in, especially when conversations stretch over days or weeks. She tries to stay honest about where she stands with each person instead of letting things drift. “I try to stay emotionally aware and honest about where I stand with each person. I don’t like creating false expectations, so I keep things light unless I feel a genuine connection.”

When dating starts feeling like emotional effort

For Abdul Rehman Patel, a performance marketing manager, the exhaustion wasn’t tied to one experience. It built up over time. The cycle of meeting someone, getting interested, investing emotionally, and starting over began to feel like something he had to mentally prepare for.

When dating starts feeling like managing conversations

For Shaurya Gupta, an AI developer, and Sidharth Verma, a software engineer, dating apps have changed the pace of early-stage dating. Shaurya describes it as a numbers game—one that feels convenient but emotionally hollow. “Texting random strangers on a phone screen is the most soul-sucking thing ever,” he says, pointing out how conversations stack up before any one of them has time to feel real.

Sidharth agrees. While talking to multiple people can feel intentional in theory, in practice, it often feels like coordination. “It does feel like managing, but also intentional, because everyone brings something different.” Both point out how having multiple options can feel exciting and distracting at the same time. You could be enjoying one conversation and still find yourself replying to another out of habit. Plans remain tentative, chats come and go, and there’s always the sense that you could keep looking.

Singer-songwriter Kanishk Sawhney adds that the early stages of dating apps have started to feel predictable. “It leads to the same conversations over and over again,” he says. He rarely intends to talk to multiple people at once, but the apps are designed in a way that keeps several conversations running in the background. Most fade out naturally, which makes it feel unnecessary to invest too much in any one person too soon.

If something real does begin to build, he pulls away from the rest. But in the beginning, it often feels like you’re just seeing what sticks. And before you realise it, that becomes the way dating works: fast, crowded, and always leaving room for the next possibility.

Lead image: IMDb

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