Is it normal to fantasize about being single when you’re in a perfectly happy relationship?

I'm a little ashamed to admit that I often fantasize about being single, considering I live with my long-term partner. Nevertheless, I do. No matter how much guilt I feel for longing for my Tinder days of casual flings and wildly overpriced first-date drinks, I still imagine what it would be like to be back there, swiping merrily away without a care in the world.

Yes, you would be forgiven for thinking I’m unhappy and my relationship is doomed. Honestly, though, I respect and love my partner a lot. We spend the vast majority of our time together either cracking up or making out. It’s fun, fulfilling, and exciting. Still, I like to daydream about going on dates and sleeping with other people. Not specific people I know in real life, just...other people.

I’ve been internalizing this feeling for a while, but when I finally opened up to my friends, it turned out so many of them could relate.

Jess*, 21, feels the same after being with her boyfriend for five years, “It’s not that I fantasize about other men, per se—more that I experience a constant (sometimes stagnant, sometimes overarching) fear that me and my boyfriend are settling,” she explains. “Are we ‘comfortable’ rather than ‘content’? Are we really happy, or just used to routine? Am I going to marry him, or freak out in 10 years time that I don’t know what I’ve been doing with him all along?”

For Jess, that’s where the fantasy about single life comes from. “It doesn’t stem from wanting to be with other people—although that is sometimes a part of it—but more the worry that we’re in a routine that works, but may not be the perfect fit,” she says.

So why do we find ourselves dreaming of being single again when we’re happily partnered? Here’s what the relationships have to say.

Does Thinking About Being Single in a Relationship Mean You Should Break Up?

Short answer: No, not necessarily.