Unclear situationship? Here are 19 helpful texts to change that
Because sometimes all you really need is clear communication.
The allure of situationships is strong. They provide the perfect theoretical space to have it all—sex, companionship, experimentation, and freedom. They can offset loneliness and provide fleeting validation while giving our friends something to overanalyze. But unsurprisingly, their inherent ambiguity can also feel confusing: 44 percent of people say they’re worried about getting hurt in one, according to Hinge research. Here’s the thing though: Situationships aren’t inherently good or bad, and they’re actually not the true problem for those they make spiral. Fear of rejection and anxiety over direct communication are, says relationship, sex, and mental health therapist Rachel Wright, LMFT.
As usual, we’re here to make things easier on you. If you’re stuck in an undefined relationship, look below for a complete texting guide to start important conversations that will guide you and your partner(s) in the right direction.
For when they cancel at the last minute and it’s not the first time:
- “No problem! I get it, but I was looking forward to seeing you today. When can we actually make this happen?”
- “All good, but I wish there could be more consistency with how often we see each other. Is that possible for you right now?”
For when you want to go on an actual date instead of another casual hang:
- “We’ve only hung out at night and that doesn’t feel right. Want to go [insert activity] instead?”
- “As much as I like your apartment, I want to try something new. Want to meet at [insert place]?”
For when you want to spend more time together:
- “Last night was fun. When can I see you again?”
- “Are you busy this week? I miss you.”
For when you want them to meet your friends:
- “My friends are curious about you and I’m seeing them tomorrow night. Want to join?”
- “I’m having some friends over this weekend and I’d love for you to meet them. Are you down?”
For when you want to set sexual boundaries:
- “I want to make sure we’re both aligned on our sexual health. Can we chat this through next time we’re together?”
- “If we’re not going to be sexually exclusive, I don’t think this is going to work for me. I am not looking for something this casual right now.”
For when you want to keep it just sexual:
- “I’m not looking for anything more serious at the moment. How do you feel about that?”
- “I like what we currently have going and I’m not interested in being exclusive right now. Are we on the same page?”
For when you want more, but you’re not sure what they want:
- “I know we’ve been keeping things casual, but I can feel myself wanting more and would love to talk it out.”
- “Okay, I know we’ve been keeping things casual, but I’m actually looking for something more serious. Can we talk?”
For when they want more, but you don’t:
- “To be honest, what we’ve got going is working for me, and I’d like to keep seeing you without changing our dynamic. But I’ll understand if you want to look for something more serious elsewhere.”
- “This is really fun for me, but I’m not interested in making this exclusive right now. Let me know if that changes anything for you.”
For when you want to end things and it’s been less than a month:
- “It’s been great to hang out, but I don’t think our dynamic is working for me right now.”
- “I’ve appreciated our time together, but I don’t think we should keep seeing each other”
For when you want to end things and it’s been more than a few months:
- “Hey, can we catch up this week?”
Credit: Cosmopolitan