What to do if you’re dating someone who’s bad with money

In addition to the many ways Jeremiah has managed to disappoint both his fiancée and whatever remains of Team Jere at this point in Season 3 of The Summer Turned Pretty, he has also proven to be kind of a mess financially speaking.

While perhaps less egregious than the revelation that he (arguably) cheated on Belly in Cabo, the episode 6 reveal that this literal trust fund baby has bad credit thanks to unpaid debt on a secret credit card he took out to get free Bruins tickets is, in my opinion, even more pathetic. And it would seem I’m not alone in getting icked out by this flagrant display of needlessly accrued debt; a recent survey from Chime on money and dating found that 33 percent of singles would be put off by a partner who lived beyond their means.

But beyond simply being a turnoff, poor money management on the part of one or both partners can become a serious problem that can significantly affect the health of a relationship.

“Money isn’t just about dollars—it’s about trust, security, and shared values,” says certified financial therapist Traci Williams, PsyD, adding that finances are one of the biggest sources of stress in relationships. “Left unchecked, poor financial habits can erode intimacy and even become a dealbreaker.”

The good news is that attitudes toward financial transparency are shifting among young daters, with 50 percent of Gen Z and millennials saying they find it attractive when someone is upfront about their financial situation, per the Chime survey.

So whether you fear your partner’s spending habits are setting you back or you just want to take a temp check on your financial compatibility, here’s what you should know about how money troubles can affect your relationship and how to get ahead of those issues—ideally before you find yourself apartment hunting with an unnecessarily indebted manchild and his credit score.

How to Tell If Your Partner Is Financially Irresponsible

Financial infidelity is a real thing, and unfortunately, it’s not uncommon for someone who’s bad with money to hide their debt, spending, or otherwise poor money management from their partner. Naturally, this is a huge breach of trust that can not only destroy a relationship, but can also endanger the other partner’s livelihood and financial standing, especially if a couple shares finances.

That said, Dr. Williams says that in most cases, the red flags tend to show up early. “If your partner is consistently overspending, hiding purchases, avoiding conversations about money, or carrying significant debt without a plan, those are warning signs,” she explains. “It can also look like living beyond their means or trying to ‘flex’ financially in ways that don’t match their lifestyle.”

While you don’t need to break out your bank statements on the first date, it’s a good idea to keep an eye on how someone you’re dating generally approaches spending and responds to conversations about money. If you’re seeing red flags, it’s a good idea to address them sooner rather than later, before you’re in a position to start making serious financial decisions together as a couple.

How to Talk to Your Partner About Money

Ideally, open, honest conversations about money become a natural part of your relationship before there’s an issue or a serious decision to be made.

“Money talks don’t have to be heavy—they can be part of everyday conversations,” says Dr. Williams. “Instead of waiting until there’s a problem, try bringing it up casually: ‘How do you usually like to split the bill?’ or ‘Do you prefer to save for bigger purchases or spend as you go?’” If money talk is a normal part of your conversation from the get-go, it will be easier to prevent finance-related issues and to have more serious conversations down the line.

That said, that kind of transparency doesn’t come naturally to everyone. If you do find yourself in a situation where you’re concerned about your partner’s financial situation, here are some tips for addressing it.

1. Be Honest

“Share your concerns honestly and frame it as wanting to work together to find solutions,” says Dr. Williams. Lead with transparency, but be careful not to come off aggressive or accusatory. Treat it as a conversation about your financial health as a couple, rather than pointing the finger at one partner’s shortcomings.

2. Understand the “Why”

There are many different ways in which one can be bad with money and a wide variety of reasons someone may have fallen into poor financial habits. Dr. Williams recommends making an earnest, sympathetic effort together as a couple to get to the root of these issues, for example: “Are they overspending to impress others? Were they never taught how to budget? Or are they carrying shame around debt?” You may also want to enlist the help of a couples or financial therapist to help figure out where these issues stem from.

3. Be Empathetic…but Stay Firm

“Compassion helps, but boundaries matter too,” says Dr. Williams. “Encourage transparency and small, practical steps—like setting joint savings goals or using budgeting tools.” Dr. Williams also recommends keeping your finances separate from your partner’s until you feel comfortable.

4. Be Proactive

The worst thing you can do is ignore the problem, says Dr. Williams. If you have concerns, the best thing you can do for yourself and your relationship is voice them early. And while it may seem scary, Dr. Williams notes that tackling financial problems head-on as a couple can actually strengthen your bond, in addition to keeping your relationship safe from financial-related ruin down the line.