What’s your fight language?

Yes, you probably know your love language. You know how you like to be treated, and exactly what gets your partner to chill post-fight. But what about when you’re mid-fight and things are heating up faster than your group chat on a Friday night? Every relationship—romantic, platonic, even the occasional office bestie situation—has its fair share of disagreements. And when it comes to conflict, people react in different ways: some go full Broadway production, others vanish into radio silence. That’s where knowing your conflict style (and your partner’s) becomes the ultimate relationship cheat code.

The shouter

Fight vibe: High octane, both in drama and volume.

The solution: Your partner needs to acknowledge that you’re hurt without raising their own decibels, and gently steer the focus back to the issue.

The silent-treatment giver

Fight vibe: Eerily quiet, crossed arms, loud sighs  

This martyr-like approach believes that silence is the best solution. Angry over how your partner repeatedly forgets to hang their wet towel on the rack? Deep sighs of suffering while you lay the table is just going to leave them questioning every possible scenario: did they forget date-night again? Or was it that important presentation you were preparing for? Keeping quiet is one thing, but using it as a means to protect, punish, or both will only leave your partner stewing in confusion.

The solution: Your partner needs to understand that this is a defence mechanism, where you’re shutting down to avoid getting hurt. A simple option to revisit the issue in, say, 20 minutes, might do the trick.

The deflector

Fight vibe: Has mastered saying “Let’s not talk about it”

We all know someone who brushes off with a breezy “It’s fine!” even when things are clearly not. They crack jokes mid-fight, change topics faster than you scroll through Netflix, and suddenly remember 85 different chores. Basically, they’ll do anything to avoid confrontation. It might make the other person feel frustrated because they can’t figure out why you use sarcasm and humour to deal with your issues.

The solution: Your partner needs to realise that you’re trying to defuse the situation, and appreciate that, but let you know firmly that you need to address the fight straight-up.

The over-analyser

Fight vibe: Think Excel sheet-level preparedness. 

From dissecting your tone on a text sent last Thursday to cross-examining every possible angle a situation could be (mis)read, these fighters have perfected the level of thought that goes into conflict. If this sounds like you, it could be a means to avoid any kind of ambiguity in the situation, therefore leading to an exhaustive re-hashing of the fight all over again.

The solution: Your partner needs to respect your thoroughness, but also set boundaries, by drawing you into the present moment and not last month’s (hopefully resolved) issues.

The internaliser

Fight vibe: Feeling upset, will do chores. 

Are you that person who is so angry that they just….say nothing at all? You turn your hurt and anger inwards, it stews, and eventually erupts (if at all) over something as small as your partner forgetting to draw the curtains before bed, maybe 4 weeks later. This could be social conditioning as well, where conflict is seen as messy or taboo.

The solution: Your partner can help create a safe space for your emotions and encourage you to share your thoughts before you both wind down for the day.

The tit-for-tater    

Fight vibe: Champion of the one-ups.

Your partner had the audacity to remark that you were apparently too busy to even water the plants? You’ll remind them of that one time they didn’t return your call because they were in an office meeting. If every fight seems like an arena to prove how your actions can be excused because they’ve done something (gasp!) far worse, you might need to rethink your ability to take accountability.

The solution: Your partner should help you feel heard in the moment, so that you don’t stockpile your grievances and deviate from the matter at hand.

The peacemaker     

Fight vibe: “No worries whatsoever!”

Even if you’ve been genuinely hurt by your partner’s actions, do you rush to soothe them? You crave peace and stability so much that you don’t mind sacrificing your feelings, and sometimes, your self-worth in the process. Apologising first isn’t the issue, but always rushing to smooth someone else’s ruffled feathers, irrespective of whose fault it is, can be.

The solution: Your partner should reassure you that conflict doesn’t mean collapse, and work towards each other understanding how they can behave better.

The passionate problem-solver

Fight vibe: We have to fix this right away, energy. 

Do you look for problems with a hawk’s eye, and expect action plans, bullet points, maybe five-year visions too, even before the fight has actually started? Your action-oriented personality might be taking your problem-solving skills a bit too far.

The solution: Your partner should ideally match your buzzing energy with a pause button. Sometimes, emotions need space to form before logic can land.

At the end of the day, fights are inevitable, but it’s how we choose to react to them that makes or breaks the bond. The first step to solving conflict is to understand how we react to it, and make changes where we can for our mental peace. Identify your default setting, and recognise your partner’s too. Then, set some ground rules, like no personal attacks or rehashing drama, and make sure you both follow them. Remember, it’s you against the issue, not the person!

Photo credits: Netflix  

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