There are many sex positions out there that are wildly misunderstood. One of them — and perhaps the most famous of all — is scissoring. No thanks to its depiction in the media (from being cited as awkward, and a great way to kick your partner in the face), it's often dismissed as being an ineffective sexual practice. The reality? It couldn't be further from the truth. “Scissoring, also known as tribadism (or tribbing), is a sex position wherein partners lie facing opposite directions, interlocking their legs such that their genitals rub against one another,” says sex therapist Casey Tanner, a sexpert for LELO. “You then rub, grind, shimmy, gyrate, or anything else that feels good,” adds sex and relationships coach Lucy Rowett. “The goal is to simultaneously stimulate each other’s genitals for pleasure and/or orgasms.” While scissoring is typically (and often stereotypically) associated with lesbian sex, couples of all genders can perform and enjoy this sex position, says Rowett. “You do not need to have a vulva (or a partner with a vulva) to enjoy scissoring,” adds Tanner. Similarly, while this position can definitely be a great way to achieve simultaneous clit stimulation for two vulva-having partners, scissoring is very much *not* the only way lesbian couples and/or queer women and AFAB folks have sex with each other. “If you search for ‘lesbian porn’ on any porn site, you will usually see the performers scissoring at some point, so it’s easy to see where this belief comes from,” says Rowett. But, as we know, while (ethical!) porn is fun and hot and wonderful, it is rarely an accurate depiction of real-life sex. So, how do you scissor someone (and how do you do it well)? Read on for literally everything you need to know about scissoring — whether you’re trying to scissor for the first time, are looking to brush up on your tribbing skills, or are just curious about how it all works. Here’s all the expert scissoring info (and tips) you’ll never get from porn. Let’s get into it. How does scissoring work? Curious about how this sex act works? Our experts explain: Understand the formation First off, make a peace sign with your left hand and right hand. Then go ‘snip snip’ with your fingers (kidding!). But actually, orient your fingers so the two pairs of scissors interlock. There we have the glorious tangle of limbs generally known as scissoring. This is a pretty typical version of the position, which involves two bodies reclining on their sides and grinding, swivelling, and rubbing pelvic bones. “The classic scissoring position involves partners lying on their sides, with their legs intertwined and hips aligned so that their genitals can meet,” says Tanner. “However, some might find it more comfortable to scissor with one partner on top, or by adjusting the angle and positioning of their legs for deeper or more targeted contact.” It's not all about orgasms Like all sex all the time, scissoring may not lead to orgasm — and that’s more than okay. “While scissoring can stimulate the genitals, it is rarely the route to orgasm, so don’t worry if it doesn’t bring you to climax,” says Tanner. Remember, goal-oriented sex is simply not it. The more you can focus on pleasure as opposed to reaching some kind of ‘end goal’, the better literally any sexual experience (including scissoring) will be. Scissoring positions to try Scissoring is a wonderfully customisable position. And even though it’s most often associated with same-sex women couples, you can try it with whatever parts you’re working with. For some that’s two vulvas, for some that’s a vulva and a penis, for some that’s a penis and a penis, or literally any other combo. Leaning on pillows Switch things up by either one or both of you leaning on pillows so you’re more sitting up. Or, face each other in each other’s laps with legs crossed over each other. Humping and grinding Alternatively, Rowett says “you can do a version that is basically humping and grinding where one partner lies on their back and the other straddles and then either grinds on their leg for clitoral stimulation, or straddles with one leg over and another leg underneath.” Like we said, literally So! Many! Ways! to do it. You don't have to commit to scissoring Remember, you don’t have to start nor finish in this position. Scissoring can be a fun way to explore during sex, but you don’t have to commit to it for the whole sex session. You can start with scissoring and move to stimulating each other with toys, oral sex, or anything in between. Or you could decide to end with scissoring after doing other things first. Scissoring takes some time to get used to and perfect, so don’t fret if it doesn’t work perfectly the first time. Have fun with it and don’t be afraid to try new things. Scissoring tips to try “It might take a few goes of finding a comfortable position of what works for both of you,” says Rowett. “Be willing to adjust your position in a way that feels good for you both and use supports like pillows, the wall, or even a chair,” says Rowett. “It might be that the position that works for you both doesn’t look like scissoring at all, and that’s okay! It’s all about what feels best.” Also, remember that scissoring doesn’t have to be all genital-to-genital. “It could also be grinding on the legs, hands, face, or leg,” says Rowett. “You can mix it up by including penetration (either with your partner’s penis if they have one, a strap-on, dildo, vibrator, or fingers) or by adding extra toys like a vibrator on your clit or even a butt plug.” Here, the experts share their tips: Stretch first. Seriously Anyone attempting to scissor shouldn’t be alarmed to find it’s an active position. You’ll be rubbing — not pounding, please think of your poor pelvic bones! — against one another, which means searching for leverage, finding it, and moving your bodies until you find a fantastic rhythm. As social worker Saida Agostini gently advises: “It can be a lot of effort. So usually it is helpful to have someone who is a little bit flexible guide the work.” But even if you are both new, take a few minutes to stretch your legs and arms. Charlie horses kinda kill the mood, you know? Use lube “Remember that lube is your friend because it will give you extra slip and slide for the grinding, so use it liberally,” says Rowett. And if you’re rubbing against a surface that has hair, like genitals, a chest, a leg, etc., you’ll definitely want to add lots of lube to reduce any unwanted pulling or chafing. Try one of our recommended lubes (and remember: if you’re adding in a silicone sex toy, use water-based lube). Use protection Yes, it is absolutely possible to contract or transfer an STI or STD while scissoring. You can minimise risk by using a dental dam during sex, avoiding menstrual blood (yours and/or your partner’s) as well as visible genital lesions. Also remember: underwear is not a protective barrier. “Things to consider: [is there a] decision between partners to only exchange bodily fluids with one another even if they have sex with other partners?” asks Agostini. “Or are you having sex with other people? Whatever the situation is, it’s important to have really honest conversations about testing and the last time you had sex with others.” It might get awkward. Lean in! Scissoring, like pretty much all sex positions, can get awkward. “Be prepared to have awkward moments while you find the position that works for you and let yourself laugh if it goes, ‘wrong’,” says Rowett. Between dry skin, queefing, and struggling to find the rhythms that make your neurons light up, there’s a lot going down, and it’s all totally fine and natural. Sex can be a tremendously funny, gross, and weird experience. Having the right partner means someone who can take the occasional kicks as they come, check to see if their teeth are intact, then keep grinding on. Get some toys in on the action “Don’t be afraid to incorporate props like pillows or wedge cushions to support your body’s needs,” says Tanner. “Incorporating sex toys, such as a small, flat vibrator like the LELO NEA 3, can add the stimulation needed to reach orgasm during scissoring without getting in the way.” Other slim profile toys like the Je Joue ILY Pebble, the LELO Lily, or the Cute Little F*ckers Starsi vibrator could also work here. Get sensual Not every scissoring adventure needs to be romantic, but it’s a great position for it if that’s what you’re up for. Sparks suggests engaging with some tantric elements of sex, “such as rhythmic breathing together along with deep eye contact”. When done correctly, this position can be super intimate. There’s nothing wrong with leaning into it. Don’t forget the other erogenous zones While your genitals are enjoying all of that bumping and grinding (and buzzing!), this is a choice opportunity to bring in other erogenous zones. This can up the pleasure and create even more intense orgasms. “Caressing, gripping, and massaging other parts of the body like breasts, neck, thighs, and butt will increase the overall stimulation,” says sex educator Linnea Marie. And finally... it's okay if you don't like scissoring As with any sex position, your anatomy may impact how pleasurable you find scissoring. Marla Renee Stewart, sexpert for Lovers, explains that folks who have more front-facing vulvas may find the position more pleasurable than those with back-facing vulvas. “The reason for this,” she explains, is “when your vulva is facing downward, it’s harder to get leverage.” That’s not to say those with back-facing vulvas can’t enjoy scissoring, though! Stewart adds that using a sex wedge like the Jaz Motion Wedge can help someone with a back-facing vulva rock back and forth more comfortably. Imani Johann, owner of Decadent D’Vices also sings praises for the Jaz Motion pillow and says it can be great for accommodating all body types to further enjoy scissoring. Lead image: getty
