Could the ‘bless and release’ philosophy be the antidote to ghosting?

You’ve been texting someone for three weeks. There were good-morning messages, memes at midnight, a date you both said you’d love. Then the replies slow down, then thin out, then stop. No fight, no explanation, just silence, and a phone you keep checking anyway.

Ghosting is hardly new, and neither are its cousins: breadcrumbing, which offers just enough attention to keep someone hooked, and slow fading, which lets a connection die by degrees. All three spare one person an awkward conversation and hand the other a pile of unanswered questions. Dating apps have made them easier to practise, since another potential match is always a swipe away and ambivalence is easy to maintain when nobody has to decide. For the person left behind, the hurt of rejection arrives bundled with uncertainty, and the mind rushes to fill the gaps. Was it something I said? Was any of it real?

A growing counter-movement says there is a better way. Enter bless and release.

What is ‘bless and release’ and where did it come from?

The idea is simple. If you know a connection isn’t going anywhere, say so. Wish the other person well (the ‘bless’), then actually let go (the ‘release’), giving them their time and emotional bandwidth back instead of keeping them on standby. In practice, it means three things: no vanishing, no mixed signals, and no keeping someone warm ‘just in case’. It asks for a short, honest ending in place of a silent one. 

The phrase was popularised by dating coach Lily Womble, who is originally from Birmingham, Alabama. According to HuffPost, she explained it in a TikTok video that was making the rounds in spring 2024. Womble, author of Thank You, More Please: A Feminist Guide to Breaking Dumb Dating Rules and Finding Love, calls it “a permission slip to really want what you want” and to let go of anyone who doesn’t fit the future you’re building.

HuffPost noted that the phrase nods to the Southern “bless your heart”, minus the condescension. Womble says it applies at any stage, from a dating-app chat to a five-year relationship, and pitches it as a way to stop clinging to scarcity thinking or staying in a relationship because of the years already invested.

The idea has resurfaced this year. Psychology Today ran a column in August presenting it as a clear alternative to ghosting and “Caspering”, and Vice recently quoted relationship expert Dr Romanoff calling it “a step in the right direction” after years of what she described as a dating Wild West. 

How it can help

Both experts we spoke to see the value in honest endings, even if neither is sold on the slogan.

Mansi Poddar, a trauma-informed psychotherapist, identifies three elements of a healthy ending: clarity, empathy, and boundaries. Don't leave the other person guessing. Acknowledge their feelings without making it your job to fix them. And your actions should let both people move on, which means no flirtation or affectionate messages once you’ve decided to leave. Offering closeness while withdrawing commitment creates confusion, not closure.

It also doesn’t require perfect wording. Relationship coach Sidhharrth S Kumaar suggests keeping the message crisp, respectful and unambiguous, without blaming the other person. After one or two dates, he suggests: “It was lovely meeting you, but I don't feel a romantic connection.” After weeks of talking: “I've enjoyed getting to know you, but I don't want to take this further.”

Poddar offers her own take: “I want to be honest here, minus the games, I don’t feel the connection I was hoping for, and I would not like to continue.” For a deeper connection: “I’ve enjoyed getting to know you and what we’ve shared, and because of that I don’t want to leave you guessing or ice out. I don’t see myself being romantically involved, so I want to be clear and honest.”

She cautions against over-explaining or becoming defensive, which can make the other person feel worse. And a kind ending can still hurt. “Causing disappointment isn’t the same as doing something wrong,” she says. “Sometimes maturity means tolerating and acknowledging another person’s sadness without trying to remove it by offering false hope or breadcrumbing them.” That also means dropping lines like “maybe someday” or “not right now” if they don’t reflect what you actually mean.

Where it falls short

The experts are more wary of the philosophy itself. Kumaar is blunt. “‘Bless and release’ is no panacea or an eureka moment. The honest answer is, especially in our cultural contexts, ‘bless and release’ is just another buzzword. If both partners are emotionally mature (which is rare), then every mode of ending with gratitude works perfectly fine.”

Poddar’s concern is that the language of healing can become a way to dodge difficult emotions. “‘Bless and release’ can sound beautiful on paper, or as the title of a book. But generally, what I see is people who rush into this idea of, ‘I release and choose detachment,’ are actually avoiding and not wanting to address what is really going on.”

She also asks whether the other person can safely hear the rejection, or might respond with defensiveness, demands or attacks. For her, the philosophy only works when it’s more than a tidy phrase. “Sometimes the ‘release’ is to have that super hard conversation.”

So, is ghosting ever okay?

Sometimes, and the experts agree on where the line sits. Kumaar says the need for an explanation rises with emotional investment: after a few dating-app messages, simply disengaging can be reasonable, but after consistent communication or shared intimacy, a clear ending is basic consideration.

But safety overrides all of it. “Nobody owes a well-spoken closure coffee to someone who is harassing, threatening, abusing (sexual, psychological, emotional, physical), or manipulating them, repeatedly violating boundaries, or making them feel unsafe. Ghosting is fine in these circumstances,” says Poddar.

Ultimately, bless and release isn’t about finding a painless way to reject someone. It’s about recognising that disappointment is part of dating, and refusing to make another person carry the uncertainty of an ending you already understand.

Lead image: IMDb

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