It’s time to stop giving a damn about roles and rules

Dear beautiful woman, I started this article intending to highlight the issues that women face when it comes to dating and relationships. And then I thought to myself: ‘You do not need one more article that reminds you of the realities that you are already living.’ You need words that remind you of how much power you have over life. And that includes the relationships you choose for yourself. So take from these words what you need to hear right now.

I know how difficult it is to navigate relationships when so much of your worth is equated by how your environment perceives you, by your reputation. But remember that you are not isolated in your experience. The truth is, women all over the world face challenges when it comes to making choices for themselves. We live in a widely misogynistic and patriarchal world. And in a world like this, women’s choices come with costs. See the women around you as allies, not as points of comparison.

Perhaps you are feeling pressured to get married by a certain age, or to convince a man to see you as worthy of marriage. Because what man would want a woman who does not need him, right? If that is the case, I’d like to remind you: you are not alone.

Your surroundings might try to place you on a spectrum of purity and goodness, comparing you to other women, all this serves one purpose: to divert you from the real plague of the world— patriarchy. Your value is not dictated by how good of a ‘good girl’ you are, nor is it determined by the words you choose not to say out of fear of being labelled as too loud or too opinionated. Your value is not dictated by the inches of skin you choose to show or cover, nor is it diminished by the number of years you choose to do something for yourself, because you want to.
Specifically, when it comes to relationships, your value is not determined by a man choosing you. You have the power to choose who you want to spend your life with and how you go about making that choice. A ring on your finger does not add to your value. Marriage is not the end goal. A relationship in which you feel nourished, respected, and celebrated for the woman you are is the goal. So, do not lose sight of your goal in your pursuit of proving to those around you that you are good and obedient. Choose for yourself. So dear beautiful woman, what choice do you need to make today?

Photograph by Aman Makkar