Is it important to have “the talk” in today’s dating world?

By some stroke of luck, the person you’ve been stealing glances at and daydreaming about likes you back. You’ll go out on dates, text through the day and spend all night on video calls talking about how great it would be if you’ll were cuddling. You animatedly narrate every moment spent with him to your best friend and in the conversation she refers to him as your boyfriend. You’re taken aback. You'll have never discussed labels. Clearly, it’s more than friendship but is it an exclusive, full-blown relationship? You’ll are just floating about in this ambiguous grey area between the two. This, my friends, is called a situationship and it’s what dating in today’s world looks like.

Situationships are not a new phenomenon. However, the concept surged in popularity during the pandemic. A 2021 report from Tinder points to 62 per cent of the Indian population looking for open-ended relationships rather than committed ones. When the future of the world is uncertain, labelling your budding relationship doesn’t make it to the priority list. The term is mostly used to describe an emotional or physical relationship you may have with someone without a formal commitment. No, these aren’t as cut and dry as being friends with benefits. You go on dates and do all the relationship-y things without calling the other person your ‘partner’. 

Sounds exciting, doesn’t it? You get all the perks of a relationship without being fully committed. It’s easier to have one foot out the door at all times in case the house comes crashing down. And if, for whatever reason, you don’t want a traditional relationship who’s to tell you otherwise? We live in a fast-paced world where dating is like playing a video game. We are trying our best to just keep up. A situationship comes in handy when you don’t have the time for a full-blown relationship. However, tread lightly. 

Things tend to take a nasty turn when one partner has different expectations from the arrangement. For instance, if you fall for the person you’re technically dating but they don’t feel things with the same intensity, then it gets uncomfortable and messy. It’s not fun not being prioritised by the person you want around you all the time. How do you take things to the next level? It’s simple. Have “the talk” and define your relationship.

Do you absolutely have to? Frankly, no. If you’re comfortable with the way things are going and you and your partner are on the same page, then you don’t need to. However, if this is not the case and your relationship is making you insecure and unsure, then having the dreaded conversation about what you’ll mean to each other is the only way to get some clarity. Is it uncomfortable? Very much. Defining the relationship requires you to be honest and put yourself in a vulnerable position. You not only need to know what you want but also be able to effectively communicate it to someone who might or might not feel the same way. It’s more unnerving than having your presentation stop working at a client meeting. 

In moments like these, it’s essential to look at the larger picture. Once you suck it up and get this conversation out of the way, you know exactly where you and your partner stand. Remember, it isn’t about upping the ante and moving into a relationship you aren’t ready for. The goal of this talk is to find common ground. Even if that means you’ll decide the situationship arrangement is working for both of you. But for whatever reason, if you don’t feel like it's working, break it off. Don’t be discouraged if your situationship doesn’t turn into the Cinderella fairytale. Shut shop and move on. There is no shame in wanting different things.

Don’t let 15 minutes of discomfort be why you’re stuck in an arrangement you don’t want.