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10 questions to ask your partner to strengthen your relationship

Communication is the key, baby. 

Pop culture and the internet will have us believe that a successful relationship is all about cheesy dates, mind-blowing sex, and sending relatable memes to each other. The truth is, it takes more than just these things to make a relationship work. 

This is where relationship check-ins come in. Never heard of the term before? It’s simply having an honest and open talk with your bae about your bond, and ways you can improve it. This practice, which you can do at a frequency that suits both of you best (it could be weekly, monthly, or even once in a few months), will help build a lasting connection with your partner, and in this era of much-dreaded situationships, who doesn’t want that? If you’re wondering where to begin, here’s a handy list of questions to ask your partner for improving your relationship. Just remember to create a safe, non-judgmental space for both you and your boo so you can be truly vulnerable with each other. 

How are you feeling—is there anything causing you stress or worry?

Instead of jumping straight into relationship-related questions, start by asking them about their headspace lately. Have they been feeling overwhelmed? Excited? A little down? Asking this question gives you insight into your partner’s feelings, and put’s their behaviour towards you in context as well.

Do you have any known stressors coming up? How can I help?

Related to the first question, this one gives them the opportunity to share their upcoming plans with you—be it a family event that might make them feel anxious, a presentation at work that has got them stressed, or a change in their schedule that might affect them negatively. By already anticipating these stressors, you will understand your partner’s moods and will be able to show up for them when needed. 

What have you loved most about our relationship in the past week or month?

When delving into questions related to your relationship, it is always nice to start with the positives. Ask them about the things (or things!) that they love about the relationship in its current state—it could be something as simple as more frequent dates, or your experiments in the bedroom!


How did I make you feel loved recently? 

Asking this question will lead you to first discuss your love languages (how you give and receive affection) if you haven’t already. The way you feel loved, or the way you show love, might not be the same as your partner’s, so this will help align your actions. And if there is something that you did that made them feel loved and seen, you know what to keep doing!

Is there anything I’ve stopped doing that you used to like?

Recently, my partner brought it up that he misses the times in our relationship when I used to surprise him with the little things—from a random “I miss you” text in the middle of a work day to sending a small care package. While I unconsciously stopped doing it due to being busy, it’s something that he noticed. Sometimes, we unintentionally do (or don't do) things for our partner that might matter to them, so this question is a great way to bring up this conversation and maybe restart the acts that make them feel loved. 

Is this relationship going in the direction you want?

When it comes to your relationship and its future, it’s important to be on the same page with your partner. This will help you understand where you stand as a couple right now, and where you are headed. Maybe they want more intimacy, or maybe they think it’s all going too fast. If both of you have different opinions on this, it is wise to discuss and reassess your expectations. 

Photo: @healingpathwayshouston

Is there something that needs resolving for you?

If you’re not the confrontational type, then this can be a scary topic to bring up. It’s important to address any issues that might need resolving, instead of letting the problem stew, which only leads to resentment on both sides. Figuring out the problem, understanding why it is a problem, and working towards solving it will draw you closer and make your relationship stronger!

How do you feel about our sex life lately? How can we improve?

Many couples don’t discuss this topic, but it’s better to bring it up than later when a problem rears its head. You and your partner might have different sex drives, ideas of boundaries, and the sexual experiences you would like to have, so having a no-holds-barred open discussion around sexual intimacy will make sure you both are getting what you want. 

How can we prioritise our relationship more?

Do they want you to spend more quality time with them during the weekends? Do you want them to call you more often? Asking your partner what they would like to see more of (and sharing your expectations too) is a sure-shot way of deepening your connection with them. 

Photo: @shegotthepink

How can I be a better team member?

Remember, the whole point of checking-in with your partner is not to have a one-sided conversation about your expectations from them or the things you want from the relationship, but also the ways in which you can be a better partner too—a relationship is a two-way street after all. Ask them how you can show up in a better manner for them and support them in the best way possible.

Inside images: Pexels and Instagram