How to move on and distance yourself from an ex who you see every day

We make being out of sight and out of mind easy for you. 

09 June, 2023
How do you move on and distance yourself from an ex, who you see every day

When we tread down the road of romance, we sometimes meet, date, love, and separate from people. Sometimes, we have to continue seeing, meeting, and interacting with them daily—for instance, if you and your partner are classmates or colleagues. You come face to face every single day and probably have a common group of friends. You feel horrible, to say the least. The journey of healing becomes harder and slower because you cannot cut off from them, mentally and physically. Under the circumstances, you can’t do the latter, but you can focus on healing yourself mentally, which is the harder of the two.

So, how do you move on when the person, who is, at the moment, the reason for your sadness, is right around you? It’s tough—just like all healing processes, maybe tougher in this situation, but certainly not impossible. 

1

Where do we begin? 

Start by acknowledging the process and understanding why things ended between you two. Work towards getting closure and expressing yourself. It might be hurtful, but it helps you see things objectively as you stop glorifying the past. Overthinking and getting upset over what you don’t have anymore, will only break you further, so refrain from doing so. 

The second step is to challenge and refrain from negative thoughts. Recognise that seeing your ex every day doesn’t define your worth or happiness or a testament to your failure. Refocus your thoughts toward personal goals and positive aspects of your life that are beyond the relationship. Seeing the person again may amplify bitter feelings, but be patient with yourself; over time, you won’t have those instant bouts of emotion. Engaging in new activities will be a welcome distraction. 

Reduce physical proximity

We understand distancing can be difficult, but maintain professionalism and stay cordial. Avoid discussing personal issues with colleagues. Set boundaries with your ex if you have to communicate daily. Try to limit physical contact; change where you sit or maybe don’t have lunch at the cafe at the same time as them. Reduce contact and focus on your own personal growth. There is no reason to feel handicapped. 

Do it for you, not to show them that you’re a better ‘you’

Even when you’re trying to get better, do it for yourself and not show the ex. If you do things to show off to you ex, what if you don’t get their attention or if they don’t care enough to notice you? It will only make you sadder. Remember, if you need to show you’re doing well, you’re not doing well.  

Your life cannot revolve around them. You need to improve for yourself, and it will happens with time. Start there. You should cut yourself some slack and give yourself credit for your efforts.  

Inputs by Sherene Aftab, founder of Serene Hour Counselling & Career Advice Consultancy and Mehezabin Dordi, clinical psychologist, Sir H N Reliance Foundation Hospital, Mumbai
 

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