Breaking the confidence myth—why you actually don’t need to have it all figured out  

Confidence has become one of the most overused and misunderstood words of our time. We’re told to confidently fake it till we make it at work, in love, and even in our healing. Social media rewards certainty, decisiveness, and bold self-assurance, making it seem like everyone else knows exactly who they are and where they’re headed. Meanwhile, real life feels messier: full of pauses, doubts, detours, and moments where you’re simply figuring things out as you go.

The truth is, confidence isn’t a fixed state you arrive at one morning and maintain forever. It shifts with context, experience, and change. Chasing a rigid, flawless version of it may actually be doing more harm than good. So here's how adaptability, self-trust, and comfort with uncertainty are far more sustainable markers of emotional strength.

Why we’re obsessed with the idea of confidence 

We’re often told that clarity equals calm. But according to Peermohideen, the opposite is frequently true. “Constantly striving to have everything figured out can significantly increase anxiety. This pursuit often creates unrealistic expectations, leads to a fear of uncertainty, and triggers a desire to control the uncontrollable aspects of life, which ultimately amplifies stress and worry. An excessive need for a fixed plan reduces flexibility and tends to cause worry, often leading to procrastination through avoidance. The overwhelming task of making the ‘right’ decision can result in putting off decisions entirely, causing underlying anxiety to persist or worsen. Accepting that uncertainty is a natural part of life and developing coping mechanisms like mindfulness can be helpful in managing anxiety and worry,” she shares.

Why confidence evolves with you

So why has certainty become the benchmark of success? Mehezabin Dordi, clinical psychologist, explains, “Confidence is often treated like a final destination because certainty feels safe. We are surrounded by messages that suggest we should start the year feeling sure, decisive, and clear about our direction. But in real life, confidence rises and falls depending on what we’re going through. During new phases such as career changes, emotional loss, or personal growth, it’s normal for confidence to feel shaky. From a psychological point of view, confidence isn’t something we achieve once and keep forever; it evolves as we gain experience and adapt to change.”

Fluctuating levels of confidence don’t mean you’re failing; they mean you’re human. Confidence evolves with experience and adapts as circumstances change. Treating confidence as a fixed endpoint only creates unnecessary pressure. When it inevitably wavers, people assume something is wrong with them rather than recognising that change naturally disrupts self-assurance.

Why uncertainty might be your superpower 

Building self-trust organically

Peermohideen suggests starting with self-trust. Showing up, making choices, and learning from outcomes, both good and bad, creates proof that you can rely on yourself. “Building trust within oneself involves working on consistency, competence, and self-compassion, and taking incremental actions rather than expecting an immediate feeling of unwavering belief. Self-trust is built on evidence that you can rely on yourself. Start small and grow in alignment with your goals, accept imperfection, and learn from mistakes. Confidence will follow. Acknowledge your feelings without judgment. It’s okay to feel uncertainty or fear during major life changes. Seek support by talking to trusted friends, family, or a therapist. Engage in mindfulness; practices like meditation or deep breathing help bring awareness to the present moment, reduce anxiety about past failures or future uncertainties, and build a sense of internal stability.”

Allow feelings without judgment

During transitions like career shifts or break-ups, uncertainty is inevitable. Acknowledging fear or doubt without criticising yourself creates emotional safety. Dordi says, “Self-trust grows from small, repeated actions, not from pretending to feel confident. During transitions, it helps to focus on responding thoughtfully rather than having everything figured out. Each time someone makes a decision, sets a boundary, or handles discomfort with kindness, trust in themselves strengthens. Confidence often comes later, after we’ve already taken steps forward. Allowing yourself to grow as you go is often far more stabilising than demanding instant clarity.”

Redefining confidence

The myth of confidence tells us we must be sure to move forward. The truth is far gentler: you can move forward while unsure. You can grow without having everything mapped out. And you can build a life rooted not in rigid certainty, but in resilience, adaptability, and self-trust.

Lead image: Getty Images

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