“Love is a blanket over your body when you’ve fallen asleep and kisses on your forehead before bedtime. It's long hugs when you need the most. It’s talking about childhood trauma and triggers to understand each other better. It’s reading something beautiful and wanting to share it with them too. It’s listening intently to them talking about their favourite things, because you love the way their eyes sparkle when they talk about the things they love. Love is being vulnerable with them and talking about your fears and insecurities. Love is to stay even when things get difficult. Love is all of it,” reads a snippet by writer, Ekta Jha. For long, love and intimacy have been intertwined and make up for a large part of relationships and being together. Different people have different love languages and preferred forms of intimacy, and it can say a lot about one’s personality. From being a perpetual lover of spiritual intimacy to choosing physical proximity over anything else, Cosmopolitan India breaks down what your favourite form of intimacy says about you.
According to writers Mary Grace Garis and Rebecca Norris, “Emotional intimacy means cultivating a sense of closeness to how you and your partner feel via empathy, respect, and communication.” If you feel a sense of intimacy through deep conversations, expressing your feelings and emotions, and being vulnerable with your partner, you’re a loyalist to emotional intimacy. You feel secure in being honest and open with your partner and believe in expressing your love for them through your words and emotions. For you, your relationship is rooted in shared beliefs, values, and goals rather than superficial expressions of love.
If you’re a hugger or love cuddling with your partner at the end of a long and tiring day, it’s evident that you feel most intimate when you are physically close to your boo. Physical intimacy revolves around a physical display of affection towards each other through hugs, kisses, holding hands, and cuddling. If this is your favourite form of intimacy, chances are, it makes you feel you belong. You feel safe while being embraced by your loved one and wouldn’t trade it for anything else in the world. The lack of physical intimacy may make you feel insecure and disconnected from your partner, and a long-distance relationship may be a little harder for you to navigate.
If you find solace in your faith and spiritual beliefs, you feel most intimate when your partner shares the same beliefs as you or accepts your beliefs in a non-judgmental manner. With spiritual intimacy being your preferred form of intimacy, you care more about the values your partner brings to the table including kindness, empathy, and compassion. You would love nothing more than sharing a few moments of silence together before you begin your day, saying a few affirmations or even meditating together. We also know that the lack of this form of intimacy would make it more challenging to resolve conflict and might even make you question the relationship.
Think of the film Before Sunrise or Rory and Jess in Gilmore Girls—it was intellectual intimacy that formed the base of their relationship. If that's also the case with you, we know you feel most connected with your partner through the exchange of ideas; larger-than-life, purpose-driven conversations; and spending time doing things that are intellectually stimulating such as learning a new language, signing up for a workshop, and more. You love engaging in debates and discussions about anything under the sun and want to understand the reasoning behind their thoughts, ideas, and opinions. It also tells us that you are open to learning and find it easy to accept the opinions of others. For you, intellectual intimacy allows you to grow together despite possible conflicts and disagreements, and that is what you love most about your relationship.
Different from physical intimacy, sexual intimacy revolves around a mutual sexual desire that makes both you and your partner feel wanted and loved. If your favourite form of intimacy is sexual intimacy, we know that you feel closest to your partner while turning up the heat and between the sheets. You find vulnerability and connection in being physically close to your loved one. What this also says is that you might be scared to lose the spark in your relationship without this form of intimacy. It’s important to remember that sexual intimacy can thrive when both you and your partner are vocal about your sexual desires and needs and honest about how you’re feeling.