How dating app profiles are curated for maximum appeal

In the world of digital dating, first impressions are everything. A single profile picture, a clever bio, or even the way you phrase your interests can make all the difference between a right swipe or a pass. Dating profiles have evolved beyond simple introductions—they're curated snapshots of how we want the world to see us. But behind those perfectly filtered photos and witty one-liners lies a deeper psychological layer: the delicate balance between authenticity and optimisation. So, what makes a profile truly compelling? And how do we subconsciously shape our digital selves to attract the most interest? The answer lies in psychology—our unconscious desires, need for social validation, and self-perception all play a role.

To explore the hidden forces at work, we turn to Dr Dena DiNardo, clinical psychologist and marriage and family therapist, along with Delhi-based psychodynamic counsellor Meghna Joshi. Together, they offer insights into how dating app profiles tap into more than just personal preferences—they speak to our deeper need for connection, validation, and belonging.

The psychology of attraction

There’s no universal formula for an attractive dating profile; it is complex and subjective. “A more useful question might be: What kind of attraction are you seeking?” says Dr DiNardo. “The most compelling profiles strike a balance between authenticity and intrigue—where photos genuinely reflect how you look, and descriptions offer a self-aware glimpse into how you exist in the world.”

This balance between authenticity and curation is key, but many people subconsciously lean towards self-optimisation. “Dating profiles are often aspirational,” says Meghna Joshi. “People present the most attractive, socially desirable version of themselves—whether that means picking the most flattering photos, crafting a bio that sounds effortlessly witty, or even subtly adjusting details like age or height.” The underlying motivation? Maximising matches and engagement, even if it means fine-tuning reality.

The performance of self

How we see ourselves and how we believe others see us often don’t align. “Many of us want to be liked for reasons that we don’t actually like ourselves,” Dr DiNardo notes. “The challenge is that, eventually, all parts come to life in a relationship.” Joshi further elaborates saying, “The key distinction is between impression management and misrepresentation. It’s natural to highlight our best qualities, but when the gap between our curated persona and our real self becomes too wide, it sets up unrealistic expectations, for both ourselves and our matches.”

The role of social proof 

Attractiveness in dating profiles isn’t just about personal appeal; it’s heavily shaped by social norms. “Profiles that align with what others find attractive or desirable tend to get more engagement,” Joshi says. This is why certain trends, like posting travel photos, showcasing fitness routines, or listing popular interests, frequently appear across profiles. People instinctively adopt these behaviours because they signal desirability and social value.

Social proof, the idea that people are influenced by what is deemed attractive by society, plays a critical role. “We subconsciously craft our profiles based on what we believe will be well-received, often mirroring those we perceive as successful in the dating world,” she adds. This explains why certain clichés, such as “fluent in sarcasm” or “lover of good coffee and bad decisions,” become so widespread.

 

Selecting the right photos 

First impressions on dating apps are largely visual, but it’s not just about conventional attractiveness. “People pick up on subtle cues: whether someone seems open or closed off, confident or uncertain, warm or detached,” says Dr DiNardo. “A stiff pose or forced smile can feel performative, while a relaxed, natural expression tends to resonate more.”

Joshi echoes this, emphasising the importance of psychological congruence. “The best dating profile photos aren’t just about angles and lighting—they should reflect how you actually move through the world. Profiles that feel ‘real’ tend to create stronger connections than those that feel overly polished or strategic.”

Even in static images, body language and facial expressions convey powerful social cues. “A warm smile or an open posture can unconsciously signal approachability and trustworthiness, tapping into early attachment experiences,” Joshi notes. People instinctively respond to these subtle signals, often without realising it.

From a psycho-social perspective, profiles that exude confidence and positivity tend to perform better. “More expressive body language helps individuals stand out, making them more memorable in the fast-paced world of dating apps,” she says. A relaxed stance, direct eye contact, and genuine smiles all contribute to making a profile feel more engaging and authentic.

The bio dilemma 

Bios are where many struggle between authenticity and appeal. “Some people lean into humour, assuming it will make them more likeable; others try to sound deep or sophisticated, hoping to stand out,” says Dr DiNardo. “Many default to generic, surface-level descriptions to avoid seeming ‘too much’ or ‘not enough.’”

Joshi notes that bios often reflect broader dating strategies. “Playfulness and humour can make a profile feel approachable, but sincerity builds trust. The most engaging bios strike a conversational tone; specific enough to feel real, but open enough to invite curiosity.”

The gamification of attraction 

Dating apps don’t just mirror real-world attraction; they shape it. “The instant feedback of a match or a like reinforces the brain’s reward system, encouraging people to optimise for attention rather than authenticity,” says Dr DiNardo. Swiping becomes more about validation than genuine connection, and profiles, in turn, become curated to win at the game.

Joshi points out how this affects behaviour. “When dating apps reward extroverted, high-status, or adventurous personas, people naturally adjust their profiles to fit the mould. But attraction isn’t just about optics—it’s about resonance. The profiles that stand out in a lasting way aren’t necessarily the flashiest; the ones that feel the most coherent.”

Finding the right balance

So how does one create a profile that is both appealing and authentic? “The goal isn’t to perform desirability but to present yourself in a way that is both engaging and psychologically congruent,” says Dr DiNardo. “What you say, how you look, and how you actually move through the world should align.”

Joshi agrees: “Instead of trying to appeal to the widest audience, focus on showing up as someone recognisable, to yourself and to the person who might meet you on the other side of the screen.” Because in the end, the most compelling profiles aren’t the most curated ones—they’re the ones that feel real.

Lead image credit: Netflix 

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