How not to let erectile dysfunction destroy your sex life

Sexual intimacy is important in every relationship. However, many factors—emotional and physical—affect this. One of them is erectile dysfunction (ED)—when the male partner is not able to get an erection during sexual activity. Though this may sound apocalyptic, it doesn’t have to signal the end of your sex life for you and your partner can still enjoy physical intimacy and a satisfying sexual life.

Erectile dysfunction, though a very common physiological experience for men, tends to affect them psychologically, too. It often leads to feelings of shame, guilt, self-doubt, and possibly, frustration. It may also make some men, who associate their masculinity with their sexual prowess, feel emasculated. And often, this huge emotional experience for men is left unexpressed while the partner is left feeling confused. 

According to a study by the Institute of Andrology and Sexual Health (IASH), nearly 25 out of every 100 patients with Erectile Dysfunction (ED) are below 30 years old (a decade ago, it was five to seven out of every 100 patients). An internal survey on the prevalence of ED in young men further revealed that out of 400 men who complained of either failure to get a penile erection or sustain an erection, an alarming 100 were in their 20s.

What is an erectile dysfunction?

If a man is relaxed and masturbating and still does not get an erection, that is an organic cause and at that time we look at physical health issues such as heart disease, diabetes, prostate cancer, medications, obesity, substance use, and abuse. There are a variety of causes that can come into play such as vascular problems and neurological problems.

Ways to deal with it

For men with ED: Many studies, including The Psychology of Erectile Dysfunction, have revealed that one of the most common reactions to ED is a sense of emasculation. It can make one feel humiliated and ashamed. They may even worry that their partner might leave them or they're letting their partner down. The other effects also include a drop in self-confidence and self-worth, feeling isolated and lonely, and developing a negative body image. This can result in the individual steering clear of intimacy, especially at a time when their relationship is particularly vulnerable, resulting in their partner feeling unwanted and unloved.

So, now the person does not please their partner and there is a high rate of shutting down, so they stop all erotic touch. They try to avoid feelings of anxiety, insecurity, and self-judgment that may come up during lovemaking at any cost. They don't feel 'manly' and falsely believe they can’t please their partner. They shut down completely and both partners suffer. This outlook needs to change and one should provide a lot of compassion for the man when he cannot have an erection. 

Good and healthy communication with your partner is the key to a satisfying sex life, and life in general, even more so when you're coping with ED or other challenges. You should speak to your partner and let them know about your desires and fears. If you are not vocal about it, there's a good chance that your loved one may worry you don't have the hots for them and think they're doing something wrong that makes them less desirable to you. This is where assurance comes into play.

What partners of men with ED can do: It's necessary to avoid any negative communication in the form of nagging, taunting, and comparison. You can take this time out and rediscover each other. You may feel a little frustrated and impatient, from time to time. You are not expected to be perfect. But avoid expressing frustration to your partner, who is already in a vulnerable state. Be proactive and open to trying alternate methods of pleasure.

 Working as a team: Go back to the time when you started dating and think about the time when you explored and discovered each other's likes and dislikes. Take the time off to kiss and laugh a lot more. If you need to do much more than touching and caressing to be aroused, you could try mutual masturbation, increased foreplay, more oral sex or maybe introduce a vibrator during the session.