While slow, sensual, weekend-long sex marathons where you accidentally bang right through your brunch res are well worth checking off your bucket list (no partner required, BTW—spending quality time with your sex toy totally counts), sometimes you just want to get off—and fast. And in those times, friends, a quick orgasm is the move.
If a shortcut to O-town is what you seek, the first thing you should know is that coming hard and fast becomes a much more attainable goal as soon as you take the pressure off. One (sometimes inconvenient) truth about orgasms? They tend to happen more easily when you’re, well, not so in your head about racing toward that finish line. If you’re feeling rushed to get there ASAP, sex therapist Holly Richmond, PhD, suggests taking a sec to remind yourself that a quick orgasm is not necessarily a better orgasm. “Many people enjoy the process of cultivating their arousal over several minutes, hours or even days,” Richmond says, adding that some folks—especially those with vulvas—tend to take a while to reach their highest level of arousal. (Research suggests that people with vulvas need an average of 20 minutes of foreplay to reach their peak, JFYI.)
All of which is to say that if you’re feeling pressure—whether from yourself or a partner—to blow your load more quickly, remember that you don’t owe anyone an orgasm and there’s no gold medal for getting there first. (Goal-oriented sex is simply not it, friends!)
That said! Sometimes you really are just trying to bang one out so you can get on with your day! (Trust, we’ve been there.) So, with that little PSA out of the way, let’s turn to the experts for some tips on how to have a quick orgasm, shall we? Sophia Murphy, Director of Wellness at TBD Health, notes that the backbone of speeding up la petite mort is knowing your own body. “Take time to explore touching yourself to identify your most sensitive spots and erogenous zones,” she says. “The vagina, clitoris, and nipples are usually the first ones people think of for vulva owners. For penis owners, the head of the penis is the typical go-to,” Murphy says.
So yeah, those are the basics, but we’re obviously gonna elaborate on all the sweet spots you should be targeting, as well as other holistic tips, tricks, and tools—from curating calm and practicing mindfulness to temperature play and one particularly creative use for Botox (👀)—to help you get there faster. Keep right on reading for 17 expert-approved tips on how to have an epically fast and powerful orgasm.
And how, pray tell, does one get to know their own body? That’s right, friends: masturbate. Like, a lot. “You can touch yourself and learn some new things about how to turn yourself on (or how to teach your partner(s)) and how to speed up the process,” Murphy says.
3. Use a sex toy
While it’s, well, handy, to be good with your hands, if you really want to speed up the orgasmic process, bring in the power tools. Adding stimulation, whether that’s going from manual stim to a vibrator or from a vibrator that stimulates the clit to a dual-stimulating rabbit style vibrator, makes it so much easier to cross the finish line, Carly S. explains. And, no, you shouldn’t worry about ruining or numbing out your clit, although it is advantageous to switch it up.
4. Focus on foreplay
Foreplay might feel a bit out of place on a list of ways to get straight to the point, but even just a few minutes of making out and erotic touch can make orgasms more accessible. “The more warm-up you do, the more blood flow and lubrication there is in the body, so it’s easier to reach climax when you're ready for that release,” Carly S. says. With partnered sex, adding more foreplay to those sex seshes when you do want to take your time can also help train your body to get there faster during a quickie.
5. Be present
Are you ever having sex or masturbating, only to be rudely interrupted by worries about work, school, or family? Yeah, that won’t help. There’s a reason why people think about deadlines or their grandmas to delay orgasm. “Practice mindfulness to increase your ability to tune out of the rest of the world and only focus on pleasure,” Murphy says. Mindfulness is the simple practice of being present in the moment. And, as easy as it may sound, it can take a bit of practice. Try rooting yourself in the now by utilizing your senses: Try inhaling your partner’s scent, taking note of the curve of their body or the sound of their rapid breath.
7. Work with a sex therapist
A good therapist is a sex life secret weapon. “A sex therapist gives you permission to explore all the things,” explains (you guessed it) sex therapist Kelly Wise, PhD. “Permission is the main component people need: leave the messages of shame in the past.” It’s a myth that sex and relationship counseling is only for people with “problems.’ Instead, look at it as a life hack. With the rise of telehealth and LGBTIA+ options (we’re crossing our fingers that your insurance can also help pay for it), sex therapy has never been more accessible.
While some of us (ahem, Virgos) thrive under deadlines in school or work, stress is rarely conducive to fast orgasms. Here’s our friendly reminder that you deserve to relax, unwind, and enjoy moments of calm in your daily life. Whether you love long baths, massages, reading, or binge-watching TV with some delicious snacks and your cat, the more relaxed you are in general, the easier the orgasms should come during sex. Incorporating relaxation techniques like deep breathing and the mindfulness practice mentioned above during sex are also effective, says sex therapist Denise Renye, PhD.
As always, communication is key. Remember your assignments on getting to know your body and learning what kinds of touch send you over the moon through masturbation? Well, that’s all dandy, but it’s not going to help you much during partnered sex if you don’t share that information with your lovers. “Your ability to know yourself and then share what you know with your partner is key. They aren’t supposed to know your body—you are! So tell them what feels good,” says Wise. (We know, we know—a reminder that if you can’t talk to someone about sex, then you maybe shouldn’t be having sex with them feels a little mom-ish and eye-roll-y, but it’s also true. Sorry, not sorry, we’re just trying to get you off here.)
Taking a little stroll down (erotic) memory lane, whether during masturbation or with a partner, can sometimes get an unfairly bad rap. But here’s the truth: Your thoughts are your own and no one else’s business. Nope, not even whoever you’re hooking up with. “Most people have one or two sexual experiences that really get them going, so when we head directly to our peak arousal content, our orgasm quickly follows,” Richmond says. So if you need to think back to your hot-but-totally-wrong-for-you ex spanking you for the first time to come your face off, pedal to the metal, honey.
11. Watch porn
If you’re in a pinch for time or feeling delightfully lazy, go forth and pull up that incognito window and call it movie night. “Porn can turn you on, or give you ideas. Tune in to see what piques your interest,” Wise says. “Expansive erotic templates lead to more opportunities.”
12. Read erotica
It’s perfectly normal if watching porn isn’t your thing. But that miiight mean you just need a different erotic medium. Carly S. stresses that erotica can also help folks reach orgasm quicker. If you’re alone, snuggle up and start reading. Coupled up? Why not spread the love and swap favorite erotic stories with your partner? Somewhere in between? Then don’t be afraid to turn reading some of your favorite steamy stories into a pre-hookup orgasm hack. Before your sneaky link comes over, read your favorite erotica, but don’t let yourself finish yet. Get right up against the finish line—then, when the sex commences, you’ll probs orgasm in no time.
13. Get botox...?
But, uh, not for your face. If anal penetration is the secret recipe that puts you on the fast track to O-town, there’s now a procedure specifically created to help you get there faster. “HoleTox®, or anal botox, is the perfect treatment that helps to relax the hole just enough to allow people to open up faster and make the entire experience more comfortable and pleasurable,” says Chris Bustamante, DNP, NP-C. (Oh, and don’t forget to invest in the right butt plug.)
15. Prioritize emotional intimacy
While sometimes solo play or hooking up with a stranger is the fastest track to getting off, plenty of people need to feel cared for and safe through emotional intimacy, Renye says, adding that it’s important to openly communicate with your partner about any feelings, concerns, or physical or psychological factors that may be keeping you from getting off as quickly or as often as you’d like. And remember, emotional intimacy is not exclusive to long-term or monogamous relationships. It’s your right in casual encounters and all relationship formats as well.
16. Explore new sensations
Even if you haven’t tried it yet, we’re guessing there’s a chance you’ve at least encountered some buzz about temperature play. Whether you’re running an ice cube over your clit or going the other direction with warming lube or body-safe candle wax, Murphy suggests experimenting with various temperatures and fabrics, such as silk, lace, or latex, to give your body a whole new feel. Variety is, indeed, a fast track to orgasm.
17. Be kind!
Hey, you! Look at you learning self-care techniques to add more orgasms to your life! So, call us corny, but our last pro-tip is a reminder to be nice to yourself. “Improving accessibility to orgasms involves a compassionate and understanding approach,” Renye says. It’s also okay if you can’t come right away with the flip of a switch. These things take time, all bodies are different, etc., etc. The most important thing is enjoying the journey. And, if you’ve followed any of these tips, we’re gonna go ahead and guess that it’s been quite enjoyable indeed.