Why do we struggle with relationships after being single for a while?

Let’s face it, toxic patterns of old relationships have a way of creeping into your new ones. You carry the trauma baggage around with you, especially if you haven’t fully healed and let go of the pain. To do that, you have to take some time out for yourself. Being single and not being a relationship hopper can give you the space to go on your 'Eat Pray Love' journey (literally or figuratively). However, how much singledom is too much? Anyone single for a while will tell you that it is a good feeling. You’re not dependent on anyone nor are you constantly worried about getting hurt. Not to mention, it makes you independent. However, it also makes it tough to be in a relationship after you’ve been self-reliant for so long. You're so used to being by yourself, it's tough to adjust someone else into your space. But don't fret, it's not impossible. Read on to know why and what you can do to make the transition easier.
 
Making sure your needs are met 

If you’ve been single for a while, you’ve gotten used to taking care of your own needs. And we aren’t just talking about sexy time. It’s difficult, not to mention scary, to suddenly lean on someone when you are so habituated to only trusting yourself. Your singledom has allowed you to get to know yourself and understandably, you would rather meet your needs yourself than explain what you need to someone. It also gets tough to gauge how much effort is enough effort. Are you coming on too hard or should you do more? The key here is to establish boundaries and consciously get your wall down little by little every day.  

No more choices 

Dating apps are like catalogues of potential choices. And after you’ve been drowning in options for so long and playing the field, commitment might seem monotonous or something you aren’t cut out for. However, this shouldn’t stop you from being with someone who you genuinely want to be with. It will take some time but you will get used to the forces of monogamy. If not, venturing into polygamy is always an option. Provided your partner is okay with it, of course. 

Loss of independence  

When you’re single, you only have yourself to look out for. And so, when you start dating someone it can be difficult to accept and remember that you can’t be selfish and just do whatever you want to. You have to consult them on big decisions and consider their feelings as well. Also, if you’ve been single for too long, you’re afraid to lose your sense of identity in a relationship. Communicate with your partner, set boundaries and strike a balance. This way, you can have your independence while still giving your whole to someone else.  

It’s tough to let someone into your daily routine  

When you’re single for too long, you have a set routine. You do things on your terms. There is no texting someone through the day or having to compromise to fit someone else’s schedule into yours. But rather than trying hard to fit them into your schedule, try making a new schedule. For instance, go out of your way and find new restaurants and bars rather than going to the one that is close to you but far for them.