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5 Essential Sex Positions For People Living With Roommates

Because even if you think they're sleeping, they're probably not.

Yes, everyone "knows" that our roommates have sex. But no one actually wants to see it or hear it happening, like, ever. And vice versa. Save everyone the trouble and master these five positions instead.

And don't think you can sneak something in because your roommate's asleep. They are not asleep.

The Floor Dog

[loop src='https://hmg-prod.s3.amazonaws.com/videos/the-floor-dog-1506545560.mp4' align='center' size='medium' caption=''][/loop] If you've got a squeaky bed situation, put a pillow under your knees and get down on the floor for a 'muzzled' doggie. And if you're ~loud~, get next to the bed, prop a pillow between your mouth and the mattress and moan away. Play some bass-heavy music and you can be even louder.

The Fast and Furious

[loop src='https://hmg-prod.s3.amazonaws.com/videos/the-fast-and-furious-1506546089.mp4' align='center' size='medium' caption=''][/loop] If roomie steps out for an unspecified errand, you've gotta get it done, fast. Bend over the bed, with one knee up on the mattress. He stands behind you, one leg on the floor, opposite foot propped on the mattress. He can grab ahold of your hips for urgent thrusting part or do a reacharound like a gentleman.

The Bathroom Break

[loop src='https://hmg-prod.s3.amazonaws.com/videos/the-bathroom-break-1506546141.mp4' align='center' size='medium' caption=''][/loop]If your roommate just keeps being...there, escape to the bathroom. Sit up on the sink and have your partner enter standing. Press your hand between your bodies so you can rub yourself as he thrusts. Run a bath during, so you can be a little loud, then hop in for a quick clean-up after. The F*ck and Cover

[loop src='https://hmg-prod.s3.amazonaws.com/videos/the-fck-and-cover-1506546161.mp4' align='center' size='medium' caption=''][/loop]Pop in a movie, sit on the couch and cover yourselves with a big blanket for covert mutual masturbation. Remain fully clothed—this is a job for stretchy workout clothes. If someone walks in, no one has to die of embarrassment, just shut it down and try to act innocent. (Also works v. well with remote control toys.)

The Headboard Banger

[loop src='https://hmg-prod.s3.amazonaws.com/videos/the-headboard-banger-1506546179.mp4' align='center' size='medium' caption=''][/loop]If your headboard bangs against the wall, and you can't just move the bed away from the wall, use a low-motion move that will mitigate the sex sounds. He sits at the edge of the bed, you kneel over him, facing away and carefully sit back onto his dick. Put a hand on his thighs for balance and wrap your feet back around his butt. Grind and wiggle very slowly for maximum quietness/extra sexiness and don't forget to take care of yourself with hand or toy.

Jill Hamilton writes the blog In Bed With Married Women. Follow her on Twitter.