7 Things All Confident Women Do In Bed

Let’s get real for a minute. Being sexually confident doesn’t come naturally to everyone. Sure, you might work the room at a social event, but when it comes to lights out, are you more mouse than minx? Never fear: it turns out you don’t actually have to be Megan Fox to ooze confidence in the bedroom. “Being confident comes from knowing your body, what you do and don’t like and expressing that,” says sexologist Dr Nikki Goldstein. “While you might be worrying about your stomach rolls or coming on too strong, trust me, guys are just happy to be having sex.” Notebook at hand? Here’s how confident gals get down in the bedroom.

EMBRACE A HELPING HAND
Sex isn’t just about pleasing the guy (duh!) so if you need a little more fulfilment down there, don’t be embarrassed about introducing a helping hand. “If you sense your guy might be a little hesitant about it, start with something small like an electric toothbrush,” says Dr Nikki. “Then  explain to him how much better this is
going to make you feel. Own it. Tell him that by just adding it to your repertoire, you will scream your head off and gush to the other side of the room. He isn’t going to deny you that.”

GET ON TOP

We all know what happens when we bend over—our stomach rolls can multiply and our boobs hang out. But a confident woman doesn’t give a flying f*ck. Why? Because the grind feels so damn good. “Whatever the unflattering position might be—on top or doggie—if you enjoy it but avoid it because you’re worried about what a man thinks about your body then don’t—I can assure you he isn’t focusing on it. All he’s thinking is, Yes! I’m having sex right now. Taking charge and doing the positions you want— that’s confidence,” says Dr Nikki.

DRESS UP

Forget being a French maid or a naughty nurse—instead, splurge a little and invest in some sexy lingerie. Nothing screams ‘I’m ready for a night of passion’ like a slinky bra and undies combo. “So many women say to me, ‘Oh, I feel like an idiot dressing up,’ but you shouldn’t. Showing yourself off in something sexy is a great confidence builder,” says Dr Nikki.

PUT ON SOME PORN

Raise your hand if you enjoy a good soft-core porn session. Go on, don’t be shy. Us too! It turns out heaps of us like watching it during solo play but shy away from the screen when it comes to getting our partner involved too. “Women worry about their partner being turned on by a woman on screen who might be more toned or more ‘attractive’ than them. But if porn turns you on, feel confident enough to introduce it into the bedroom every now and then,” says Dr Nikki. It could inspire a whole new set of moves and positions. Win!

STOP COMPARING YOURSELF TO THE EX

A confident woman knows her worth, so take a leaf out of her book and stop worrying about who came before you (literally). “It’s hard not to go to the place where you think, What was their sex life like? Was she better than me?” says Dr Nikki. “If you must, acknowledge it, own it and let it go. Asking your partner for validation is asking them to degrade their previous partner, and we don’t want to be talking smack about other women. Instead, just remember that if their sex and relationship were a better match than yours, they’d still be together— and they’re not.”

TURN THE LIGHTS ON

If you’re guilty of switching them off just before you strip down (most of us do)—stop it! According to Dr Nikki, leaving the lights on gives you the chance to connect with your partner. “If the lights are off, you could be sleeping with anyone. I’m attracted to my partner, I want to see his body, look into his eyes and connect. Best of all, you want to see the faces they make when they’re enjoying themselves.”

LUBE UP

Contrary to popular male belief, we don’t drip like a tap the second someone touches us. So rather than biting your tongue through the painful sex, take charge from the start and lube up. “There’s still so much stigma around women using lube, but there shouldn’t be,” insists Dr Nikki. “We also want to enjoy ourselves, and that involves being wet. Using it is a sign of someone hugely confident because they’re standing up for their sexual pleasure.” Plus, you can pick your flavour!

This article was originally published in the January 2018 issue of Cosmopolitan India.