Just Started Dating?
Ah, that new-car smell. So fresh and unknown. The downside—you haven’t quite figured out each other’s mechanics. Even if sex is more frequent than Two and a Half Men reruns, there’s room for improvement.
“Set a precedent and make sure you come first. Women often focus on their guy’s orgasm, and treat themselves as an afterthought. Since we’re all creatures of habit, doing the reverse can pay off in the long run.” —Sexologist Jessica O’Reilly, Ph.D.
“I started seeing someone more experienced, so to alleviate awkwardness, I immediately asked him what he liked. That made him comfortable to tell me what worked, and he asked me the same. Soon, we’d shifted our techniques towards each other, so sex was amazing. It brought us closer too.” — Ishita S., 19
“I ask, ‘What’s something you’ve never done in bed but want to try?’ Whatever we do won’t get compared to an ex.” — Katie G., 30
“Don’t fake it. He’ll keep doing the thing that didn’t work. Get started the way you want him to continue, even if it’s awkward.” — Sex Educator Charlie Glickman, Ph.D.
“My go-to position with a new guy is girl-on-top, leaning back, grabbing his ankles behind my back. It’s flattering—flat abs, perky boobs—so I can enjoy myself, not think about my flaws.” — Akriti M., 33
Congrats! You Hit One Year
Comfortable...good when it comes to bras, not so much when it comes to sex. The excitement and newness has worn off, and according to experts, his desire to impress you may be diminishing too. The key is to make that comfort work to your advantage by changing things up.
“Remind him of a time he rocked your world in bed, ‘Remember our first vacation when you did X? That felt so good.’ He’ll take it as a challenge.” — Anu S., 26
“I took up yoga and became so flexible in bed. My boyfriend and I were suddenly able to do things we never used to be able to do.” — Simran B., 28
“Drive over to his house wearing lingerie and a raincoat and nothing else. Cliché, but hot.” — Geetika M., 30
“After a year of dating, my boyfriend and I would mix it up by trying out fun things we’d seen in steamy movie sex scenes. The key is to keep it playful, so if something doesn’t work—for example, honey or melted chocolate isn’t as easy to lick off each other as you’d probably imagined, or seen in your favourite movie—you can laugh it off together and simply keep going.” — Anusha S., 24
“Pick up the erotic book Sweet Love, edited by Violet Blue. Highlight the parts that turn you on, and let him do the same.” — Natascha P., 27
“My boyfriend and I started doing timed orgasm challenges. Set a clock, and see who can make the other person come faster.” —
Wait... What If You’re Long Distance?
Pros: when you see each other, it’s go-time. Cons: those long stretches in between and attempting phone sex when you feel ridiculous describing your vagina and what you’re doing to it.
“Learn to talk dirty; draw inspiration from books or movies. A few strategic words can create greater sexual intensity than a physical touch or technique.” — Jessica O’Reilly
“I sent my boyfriend lingerie and told him it was for when I came to visit the following week.” — Pia M., 24
“Write an erotic story for his eyes only. Make up characters (they could be named after you), and put them in sexy situations. If possible, actually post it instead of e-mailing it! ” — Jasmime N., 31
“I swear by bath sex! I’ll put him on speaker and leave my phone near the bath, then get to it.” — Neha S., 29
“Get ready for a phone date the same way you’d get ready for a real date, so you feel hot.” — Charlie Glickman
“My boyfriend travels a lot, and I started sleeping in our guest room when he was away. It kept our bed feeling like our special sexy place.” — Sussane H., 32
“We’d start off with texts—then talk dirty on the phone. By then, we’d be more than ready to Skype. Hot.” —
You’re Shacked Up Or Married
You’re both playing a lot of roles in the relationship, and not the sexy nurse/ patient ones. More like roommates, financial partners, or co-parents—all things that can push sex to the back burner. Creating distance helps re-ignite your curiosity.
“My husband saw some guy chat me up at a bar, and when we got home, we had this crazy-hot sex. It was like seeing that other men are attracted to me made him want me even more.” — Jess K., 29
“I watch a lot of erotic videos. They’re explicit, but the connection turns me on.” — Priyanka M., 31
“Go to dinner sans panties, but don’t let him find out until you’re at the table. Couples often get dressed in front of each other, so surprising him in public can be especially thrilling.” —Jessica O’Reilly
“Break out the blindfold, but use it on yourself, not him. It will heighten your other senses and reinforce a sense of curiosity about his body, something that’s lost after you’ve seen your guy naked a thousand times.” —Tanvi G., 26
“Keep one-upping yourselves. Once a month, brainstorm something you’ve never tried, and do it. I once heard a couple of 40 years say they’ve been together for so long because they just keep getting kinkier.” — Charlie Glickman
“Our life feels like it’s turned into one errand after another, so we’ve started assigning sex acts to errands. His going down on me equals grocery store, so now I love our trips to the local supermarket.” — Jayati C., 30
“Role-play as soon as you walk in. Couples tend to recap their days, and it’s hard to feel foxy after venting. Coming home as ‘someone else’ fixes that.” —Radhika S., 28
“Watch him make a work presentation. Or do anything else he does well, especially if it’s in front of other people. It’ll remind you why you fell for him, and it’s a turn-on to know you get to go home with him.” — Lipika B., 32