What It Means to Be Heteroflexible

People identify as heteroflexible for different reasons, but it usually means that someone is typically attracted to the opposite gender but also open to having same-sex experiences. So... why heteroflexible instead of bisexual or pansexual? Heteroflexibility is different because it implies that someone is "mostly straight" while occasionally being attracted to their own gender.

The Kinsey Scale, developed by Dr. Alfred Kinsey and his associates, includes designations that would fall into this category, because they found that many people did not fit into exclusive heterosexual or homosexual categories. (It may seem obvious now, but his research was groundbreaking in 1948.) The scale of 0 to 6 meant that you could define yourself, for example, as a 2 if you are "predominantly heterosexual, but more than incidentally homosexual."

Sex therapist Dr. Christopher Ryan Jones explains heteroflexibility this way: "In general, it means that the person considers themselves heterosexual despite the fact that they are willing to participate in sexual activities with someone of the same sex or gender. It means different things to different people, because the situations surrounding the 'flexibility' vary greatly from one person to another."

Some people, for instance, may be flexible if the sexual activity doesn't involve penetration, Dr. Jones shares. And others are only okay with anything above the belt. Some heteroflexible individuals don't have set preferences, but are curious and looking to experiment. Dr. Jones explains: "There could be many reasons why a person has made these choices. Perhaps someone got married early, then got divorced in their 40s. They never had much time to experiment or consider other options. Or someone could be in a position where there are no people of the opposite sex around, like if they don' go to a coed institution. Others could be okay with same-sex sexual activity if they are involved in a threesome."

Variations: the term heteroflexible, like many labels, can be controversial. Some people argue that heteroflexibility is the same as bisexuality and the term is redundant, or worse, bigoted. But many people feel that heteroflexible better describes them and their preferences. One reason someone might prefer heteroflexible is that while they have some same-sex physical attraction, they only catch romantic feels for the opposite gender. Others might like the heteroflexible label because it shares their curiosity without implying certainty over their sexual interests or limits. And others choose the label because it just feels right to them.

To describe what heteroflexibility means is as varied as the reasons why someone may consider themselves heteroflexible.

Heteroflexibility in Popular Culture:

Prison drama Orange Is the New Black showed characters with sexuality across the spectrum, with lesbian Alex, bisexual Piper, pansexual Brook, transgender Sophia, and heteroflexible Lorna. Lorna, who considered herself mostly straight, was "gay for the stay" with fiery redhead Nicky. Lorna eventually married Vince Muccio, consummating the marriage while the prison guards were diverted.

In another pop culture moment, both badass Stark actresses Maisie Williams (Arya Stark) and Sophie Turner (Sansa Stark) from Game of Thrones have been candid about not defining themselves as strictly heterosexual. Turner, who married Joe Jonas in May 2019, has opened up about experimenting before meeting the Jonas brother, and Williams eskews labels altogether.

Pretty Little Liars star Shay Mitchell is one of many celebs taking the "straight but not narrow" stance on their sexuality that sums up what it means to be heteroflexible. Mitchell told Cosmo in 2016, "When I started, people were like, 'What are you?' I'm like, right now I'm dating a guy.
 I don't know what it's going to be in three years. You love who you love."

Disney star Rowan Blanchard (Girl Meets World) tweeted out that "In my life–only ever liked boys. However I personally don’'t wanna label myself as straight, gay or whateva so I am not gonna give myself labels to stick with–just existing."