When it comes to healthy relationships, there's a difference between being a bit crap sometimes and toxic behaviour. It's always good to reflect on the way we've acted in relationships, because: personal growth rules! So whether you're looking to improve your relationship, or just nosy about how much other people can fuck things up, here are 12 women getting real about how they've been crappy girlfriends in the past. It's basically free relationship therapy...
1. "I would snap too easily and wasn't great at accepting the fact that my way isn't always the best way. Luckily my ex-boyfriend was an amazing gem who I didn't deserve. Instead of clapping back he taught me great ways to deal with my flaws. Always grateful for how much he helped me improve as a person."
2. "I lied to my boyfriend by exaggerating how long things would take so that he would let me have some free time. And after we broke up I had toxic friends that coerced me to harass and bully him. And I won’t shift blame because it’s my fault."
3. "I had a hard time speaking up when things bothered me. I didn't communicate my expectations, and held people to standards I didn’t communicate clearly."
4. "It was my first relationship and also I just really wanted to not fight and like feel like I was good/pleasant to be around - and he gaslit me a lot. Here’s to recognising toxic traits in myself and others and learning from them/improving myself!"
5. "Holding people to standards I didn't communicate. Still trying to figure out why this is so hard for me. For now, I've just been letting people go who don't meet that standard but that's much easier when you're just casually dating vs when you're navigating each other's real needs in a relationship."
6. "By not trying very hard to be interested in the things that they loved, even though they always wanted to hear about mine. I'm doing it better this time."
7. "Picking people I wasn't compatible with, and mistaking platonic affection (on my end) for romantic affection. I could've saved one of my exes so much just by that alone. The relationship ended up fizzling because the romantic feelings just weren't there."
8. "Picking fights to test their love for me when I felt insecure. When they didn’t fall for the bait, I claimed they didn’t care or didn’t love me. That has pushed them away and made them feel unappreciated. In hindsight, I think most of them did care for me just in their own ways, not in the way I’d translate love nor feel loved."
9. "I was controlling and manipulative. I picked fights because it fulfilled some type of attention. I was disgusting. The whole relationship was toxic. My ex was super passive too so it was easy. He was a good guy but not a good boyfriend (nor was I a great girlfriend). That’s the past. I went to therapy after our breakup and I definitely learned a bunch since and have been able to establish healthier behaviours."
10. "Using him as my venting place or therapist. There is a difference between sharing an unhappy day for a minute and yelling about it for an hour. I try to be careful about what and how much I share now. But I’m one of those people who just seems to have been born pessimistic and I talk about negative things a lot more than positive. I hate that about me. I’m much better now, but I’m still a work in progress."
11. "I knew deep down from the very beginning that he wasn’t right for me and I stayed with him out of comfort. I was not my best self and towards the end, I realise now that I was picking fights with him so he’d just stop talking to me. I should have just followed my gut and broke it off as soon as I knew it wouldn’t work. Instead, we both made it ugly."
12. "I didn’t realise what it was until he broke up with me but, in his words, I was a bad gf because I was too busy with my work. My overly heavy stress made him too stressed and as a result he fell out of love with me. By the time he decided to bring up this issue he had already made up his mind to break up with me. I never got a chance to make up to that. Now I still have tons of work, tons of stress, and on top of that I lost someone I truly love."