You maybe a fan of romcoms, where the guy and gal always end up with each other no matter what the differences or how big the obstacles. The mushy moments may fuel your romantic drive but do know that real life is different from the movies. You may love your partner but love isn’t enough to make a relationship last. If you have been nagged with doubts off late then it’s time to reconsider the alliance. Individually both of you might be good but you may not be good for each other. Arfeen Khan, life coach and relationship therapist to Bollywood stars like Hrithik Roshan and Amitabh Bachchan, says, “I’ve worked with over 600,000 people globally, and the one thing I can say for sure is that relationships are by far the biggest reason for happiness and unhappiness. I've seen that most people who are in a relationship that is not working out remain in denial. They see themselves alone and therefore try to "fix" something that will not work. If you are smart, you will realise your self-value and know when it's time to move on.” He emphasises on seven clear signs that will tell you it’s time to move on and drop your baggage behind. Read on to spot the signs before it’s too late.
You don’t trust each other anymore
The word love can only be built on a foundation of trust. Most couples will never admit to not trusting each other, but their behaviour tells you otherwise. “Does your partner monitor who you're chatting too, gets jealous if some member of the opposite sex compliments you or asks where, why and who you are meeting? Then it’s time to raise the red flag, cautions Arfeen. If you don't build trust, then it's the beginning of the end.
You feel drained by your partner
Being with your partner should be an energising experience and not draining. If you feel free when you are away from your partner it is a danger sign, stresses Arfeen. When you reach a point where you feel toxic in their presence, then all you will notice is what is `'bad`' about them. “Most people will be in denial and blame work, or tiredness, but deep inside you know something is not right,” adds Arfeen.
You assume they'll change in some significant way before you have a future with them
If you harbour any such thoughts then you should realise "people never change, and you can't change anyone,” says Arfeen. Most people in bad relationships hope that their partners will change over time and that things will get better. Think about it this way, what if the person with behaviour issues is in denial that they are behaving badly? Will they change? They wouldn’t because they don't believe that they need too. This is the most common delusion in a toxic relationships, beware!
You have to apologise often
If one person is a bully in a relationship, the other has to apologise for anything they do consistently. “It's horrible, disrespectful and a slow but sure way to destroy self-value. This leads to you becoming another person and not even being yourself. There’s no reason why you should spend your life with them,” says Arfeen.
You're continually monitoring your actions and words
Who likes to walk on eggshells? Nobody. If you find yourself always thinking about what you should say and how you should say, it means that you are trying hard to keep someone happy. You are worried they might leave you, if you didn’t do as they like. “If you are in the midst of such a situation, then let them go,” advises Arfeen.
They’re always putting you down
People will low self-esteem will always try to put you down. “If your partner is continually reminding you of what they have done for you, and how they can find a "better" person all the time, then that is a sign, that they don’t value you,” says Arfeen.
You feel alone, even when you're together
If you feel this way then you know he is not the right person. You have to find someone else who feel happy in your company and reciprocates your feelings.