Love against all odds: A throuple talks about their polyamorous relationship

Mumbai-based throuple talks to Cosmopolitan India about the challenges of polyamory and how it helped deepen their understanding of love.

10 March, 2024
Love against all odds: A throuple talks about their polyamorous relationship

For Mumbai-based throuple Shweta Sangtani (36), Aashish Mehrotra (38), and Tanisha Rao (29), polyamory was the culmination of a desire to experiment, to deepen their understanding of love, and to communicate with each other effectively. “I came out as bisexual much later in my life than the age that is usually expected to be the ‘correct time’—your teens or early 20s,” shares Mehrotra, “It was a lonely and daunting experience for me, but I got lucky with my wife Sangtani being the rock. With her, it got easier to own it and come out to other people too.” Mehrotra says their idea of love expanded from this point. Sangtani agrees. “It just made sense for us to be honest with each other about how crushes and connections with other people didn’t magically stop just because we got married. We still had those experiences, and instead of bottling them up or lying about them, we chose to talk about it, and still be there for each other no matter what,” she tells Cosmo India.

For Rao, the feeling of failure in a monogamous relationship prompted her to try a polyamorous relationship. So, in 2018, when she knew she was leaning towards polyamory, the opportunity presented itself to her. “A friend mentioned knowing an openly polyamorous couple who seemed really nice and, more importantly, happy together,” recalls Rao. “I hit it off with both of them immediately.” Rao says Mehrotra and Sangtani let her make mistakes and take responsibility for them without controlling her decisions or shaming her. “It is a unit where I genuinely get to be myself. It pushes me to grow into my own person,” says the 29-year-old.

Like most relationships, polyamory comes with its own set of challenges—even legal hurdles, says Rao as she shares her concerns. “I cannot add either of them to my bank documents as my nominees in case anything were to happen. If I were to be hospitalised and be unable to speak for myself, the two people with the most knowledge of my needs and wishes will not be consulted. That hurts.” In popular culture, polyamory has been stereotyped with notions of infidelity and is often associated with having only multiple sexual relationships. That is not the case, says Sangtani. “Polyamory isn’t isn’t a fear of commitment since many of us make multiple commitments to several people over the course of our lifetimes. Also, if you think being happy or honest with your partner is difficult in a monogamous set-up, adding more people, more emotions, more boundaries, and more desires to the mix is definitely not the fairytale escape you’re looking for,” she signs off.

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