Men are bad at sexting and women are officially over it

There’s a very specific kind of disappointment that only bad sexting can deliver. Not the obvious kind, but the slow, creeping realisation that this man—who was perfectly normal five minutes ago—has just said something so wildly off that there is no coming back from it. You reread it once. Twice. Maybe you even show a friend. And then, just like that, the attraction quietly packs its bags and leaves.

Because the problem isn’t that men want to sext. It’s that they have absolutely no idea how to do it without derailing the entire vibe. As behavioural expert Sumir Nagar puts it, “Men are more comfortable with rapid escalation, not connection.” Take away charm, tone, body language, and what you’re left with is pure text, and that’s exactly where things start to fall apart.

Zero build-up, maximum chaos

If there’s one universal experience, it’s this: sexting doesn’t build, it ambushes. Sakshi, 41, says, “Conversations go straight from ‘where do you live’ to ‘are you into S&M?’” There’s no transition, no shift in tone, just a hard pivot into something that feels wildly out of place. It’s not bold. It’s confusing, and more often than not, it kills the mood instantly.

Sneha, 37, sees the same lack of rhythm from another angle. “Too many men treat it like they’re following a manual, dry lines, delayed replies, or worse, a random ‘pick one’ game mid conversation.” Instead of tension building, the energy drops. What could have been playful starts to feel mechanical, like the conversation has been replaced with a script.

The issue is simple: rushing it ruins it. The moment you treat sexting like something to get to instead of something to build, the entire thing collapses.

Who told you this was hot?

A lot of bad sexting has the same strange quality. It feels borrowed. Not from real chemistry, but from exaggerated ideas of what desire is supposed to sound like. Sakshi puts it bluntly, “A lot of men draw their understanding of sex from unrealistic references, and that leaves no room for actually understanding the minds and bodies of women.” The result is messaging that feels disconnected at best, and deeply confusing at worst.

Her most memorable example? A wildly over-the-top line that felt more jarring than sexy. “It was something about my womb and, let’s just say, I was completely turned off.” It’s not just explicit, it’s oddly impersonal. Sneha echoes that frustration, “Stop recycling clichés. Creativity is the real turn on.” Because once something feels generic, it’s already over.

Ruby, 33, notices it in the details. “There are so many unnecessarily sexual GIFs, extremely unrealistic, often uncomfortable to watch.” Add in forced voice notes or overly performative tone, and the whole thing starts to feel less like flirting and more like a badly directed scene. The more it sounds like you, the better it lands.

Read the room, not a script

At its core, sexting works the same way any good interaction does. It requires awareness, timing, and actual engagement. “The ones who get it wrong forget that it needs to be a give and take,” says Ruby. “The other person needs to be brought along into the moment.” Without that, it becomes one-sided very quickly, and that’s where things start to feel off.

Shreya, 23, puts it more bluntly, “I think I can sext women better than any male,” she laughs, pointing to the basics men often miss: “Bad grammar, asking for photos, like hello? We just started.” For her, the key is simple, “Make a woman feel desired! Use your imagination, create scenarios,” while also checking that the other person is comfortable as things progress.

Ishita, 45, echoes that need for buildup. “My mind needs to be stimulated before my body feels a surge of excitement,” she says, adding that she prefers “sensual innuendo to begin with.” When the timing is right, it works. When it’s not, it really doesn’t.

Sexting doesn’t fail because men are incapable of it. It fails because they’re not paying attention to what’s actually happening in the moment. So here are a few helpful tips to make sexting fun and exciting again: 

Don’t treat it like a race: Build tension slowly instead of jumping from “hey” to something wildly explicit in two messages.

Read the tone: If the conversation is playful, awkward, dry, or flirty, respond to that energy instead of forcing a fantasy that came out of nowhere.

Lose the cringe script: Generic dirty talk, recycled lines, and dramatic one-liners are usually more funny than hot.

Use your creativity: A suggestive scenario, teasing detail, or clever line lands far better than trying to be aggressively explicit.

It is not a monologue: Good sexting is a back-and-forth, not a monologue where one person is clearly performing for themselves.

Enough with the random GIFs and voice notes: If it feels forced, awkward, or overly performative, it probably is. And it kills the vibe faster than you think.

Desire starts in the mind: Flirting, anticipation, humour, compliments, and tension are what make sexting exciting in the first place. The best sexting feels personal, not copy-pasted.

See its that simple. When you get it right, and sexting stops feeling awkward or try-hard, and starts feeling like something people actually want to be part of! 

Lead image: IMDb

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