1. You develop Spidey senses for things you had no idea bothered you before. Has he always made that noise when he chews? Would it be so much effort for him to not leave the closet door open all the time? Yes, you love him and yes, he's the funnest roommate ever, but holy crap, those little things.
2. R.I.P lazy Sundays. Good-bye, Netflix. Good-bye, ABC Family. Hello, ESPN. Hello, adulthood and realizing when you love someone you
let them watch 12 fucking hours of football every Sunday learn to compromise.
3. On said Sundays, you don't know until last-minute if you're going to bed with Jekyll or Hyde. I wish anything made me as happy as a Jets win made my fiancé. I wish anything would make him less miserable when the Jets blow it all in the last quarter.
4. You never imagined that at the ripe old age of 23, you'd be reinforcing a bedtime. Funny how now that you live together, you're learning that those 11:30 p.m. "good night babe, I love you" texts were a lie. Dude's been scrolling through sports Twitter until 12:45 a.m. for as long as you've known him and you had no idea.
5. You are old enough to say, "Honey, I'm home!" without an ounce of sarcasm. When did you become old enough to be a human who says things like that in all seriousness? When did you become old enough to admit that's your favorite part of the day?
6. Splitting rent is chill, but splitting other things isn't. Where did all your food go? And didn't you just buy a 9-pack of toilet paper last week? Living with a man is in many ways, you learn, like living with a constantly growing, never-not-pooping toddler.
7. The expression "pick your battles" makes so much more sense now. If he wants to spend 12 hours each Sunday watching football — fine. Who are you to get in the way of someone's happiness? If he doesn't want to clean up the food pile he created while watching those 12 hours of football, that's a whole other story.
8. This is fun, you catch yourself thinking as you wash and he dries. You also look forward to the weekly "Ew, How Long Have We Had This Milk For, Let's Lay Out All Our Disgusting Leftovers on the Counters and Guess How Long They've Been There For" game you guys made up when he first moved in.
9. That beard stubble tho. All those things I said in no. 8? None of that applied to beard stubble. If you're going to take the time and effort to pull your hair out of the shower drain now, the least he can do is make sure there are no beard nubs in your toothbrush because if that ever happens again so help me god I will just.
10. Everything's a little bit smellier. "Yes, I know laundry is laundry and it'll all get washed," you argue vehemently as he goes to put his soaked gym clothes in the same hamper your beautiful underwear lives in. "But it's ... different."
11. It's a lot harder to justify your three refrigerator cheese shelves when you have a roommate. It's not because you should be eating any less cheese of course, it's just that he loves his protein shakes as much as you love your cheese. That compromise thing I mentioned earlier? That's a recurring life theme now.
12. There is just nothing sexy about showering together. There is nothing sexy about sharing anything in the bathroom with him really. Though if you survived that first bout of couples stomach flu with just one toilet, you can get through anything.
13. Both of you are more excited that the Schümpfldrof comes in that perfect black-brown color than you are about going out later. You voluntarily spend half your weekend at stores like Bed Bath & Beyond considering practical purchases and wondering aloud, "How can we best use our space though?" You've become a person of Ikea. You are Ikea people now.
14. You never thought you'd have a roommate you liked so much. Especially one as silly and smelly as him.
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