Have Gen Z maxxed out parallel play?

There is a very specific kind of intimacy that involves two people lying in the same bed, one watching Love Island, the other playing a game, both scrolling on their phones, and neither having spoken for the last 57 minutes. They're simply in their own little universes, happily coexisting. And this is, apparently, romance.

In recent years, this low-demand form of intimacy, so-called parallel play, has become one of Gen Z’s favourite relationship cheat codes. And why wouldn’t it be? It offers closeness without the constant demand for attention, companionship without the expectation of shared interests, and the rare luxury of being with someone without having to perform togetherness.

So for a while, this felt like the relationship jackpot. Then we maxxed it. Because we are a generation that has grown increasingly fluent in the language of maxxing out. We’ve maxxed our protein, maxxed our fibre, maxxed our sleep, maxxed our skincare, maxxed our steps and found increasingly niche ways to optimise our mornings. So naturally, we eventually got around to maxxing out this so-called quality time together.

So, what exactly is parallel play?

The term originally comes from child development, describing the very cute phenomenon of children playing alongside each other without actually playing with each other. Somewhere along the way, adults realised that this sounded suspiciously like their ideal relationship. And honestly, fair. Parallel play is the comfort of doing your own thing beside someone you love. You are technically together, but mentally operating separate tabs.

Gen Z loved it so much that the internet practically canonised it. And in the past few years, parallel play escaped developmental psychology, became the ultimate relationship cheat code, flooded TikTok, inspired memes, and quietly became the gold standard for quality time. Simply existing together became the ultimate flex. And why not? For a generation that cares deeply about independence, boundaries and maintaining an identity outside a relationship, it offered something previous ideas of romance often didn't: you can love someone without being consumed by them. Whether you see it as a comforting relationship hack, the ultimate low-effort date idea, or simply a way to spend time with someone without spending all your time with them, parallel play became one of the most fascinating ways to think about modern intimacy. But another question is worth asking.

What happens after you've become really, really good at doing nothing together?

Maybe the answer is: you start wanting to actually do something together. Not because having your own space has suddenly become less attractive. It hasn’t. The ability to be independent, have separate interests and not need constant attention from the person you’re dating is still a pretty major green flag. But chemistry is not built entirely in separate tabs.

Think about the beginning of almost any relationship. The butterflies don’t come from sitting silently next to someone while you both scroll. They come from doing things together. The first time you discover you both love the same obscure thing. You learn about each other by doing. And that’s where the pivot gets interesting. If parallel play has taught us how to be comfortably independent, perhaps we’re now craving the other side of intimacy: shared experiences that actually make you feel something together. The activity you do together becomes an excuse to rediscover each other.

And this isn’t just about recreating the early dating-stage butterflies. Shared, enjoyable activities can strengthen closeness and connection, especially when they bring novelty, excitement, and cooperation into a relationship. A new experience can make two people feel closer for a reason: you’re not just spending the same time together—you are responding to the same thing, talking about it, laughing about it, and experiencing it at the same time.

Which is perhaps what we’ve been missing after maxxing out parallel play. And that’s the reason the next evolution of quality time isn't doing less. It is doing something together. Not necessarily a candlelit dinner or a surprise weekend away. Something much less cinematic and, somehow, much more intimate. And if that means dragging your partner to pottery class when neither of you can make anything resembling a mug, so be it. At least you'll have something to laugh about together.

Image credits: Getty Images

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