Is micro-mancing the secret to lasting love?

In a world that glorifies over-the-top romance, micro-mance is the antidote: a way of nurturing intimacy through small, consistent acts of love that sustain a relationship over time.

Renowned relationship expert Shahzeen Shivdasani highlights the importance of shifting perspective. “A grand gesture lasts a day,” she says. “What matters most is how healthy your relationship is and how happy you are in it every single day.” True connection isn’t found in fleeting spectacles but in the simple, intentional moments that say, I see you, I appreciate you, I love you.

Here’s how to make micro-mance a daily practice—one that strengthens your bond in ways no viral proposal ever could.

Shift your mindset—love thrives in consistency, not spectacle

Romance isn’t something reserved for anniversaries and holidays—it’s a daily practice, woven into the fabric of your relationship. Micro-mancing is about recognising that love is built on small, everyday gestures that create an ongoing emotional connection.

Shivdasani reminds us that while grand gestures are exciting, they’re also temporary. “Micro-gestures help build emotional connection on a daily basis, sustaining intimacy over time, whereas grand gestures are fleeting.” The key to lasting romance isn’t one-off dramatic moments—it’s the habit of showing up for your partner in ways that feel meaningful to them, every single day.

Start small—test and observe what resonates

 

Not every micro-gesture will land the way you expect. The key is to introduce small acts of love and observe how your partner responds. Does a morning cup of tea make them light up? Does a midday check-in text make them feel seen? “You need to start small and see how they react,” Shivdasani advises. “Try something you think would mean something to them and introduce it daily. If they seem grateful and happy to receive it, that’s something you should continue.” The beauty of micro-mancing is its adaptability—once you know what resonates with your partner, you can build on it.

Put in the effort—even when it doesn’t feel natural

One of the biggest misconceptions about romance is that it should always feel effortless. The reality? Long-term love requires intention. Sometimes, rekindling intimacy means making a conscious effort, even when it doesn’t come naturally. Shivdasani puts it perfectly: “When you’ve been with someone for a very long time, it may not feel organic. But if you love the person and want to rekindle intimacy, you have to show up and do these things—whether it feels natural or not.”

Think back to when you first fell in love—what were the little things you did then? Bringing those gestures back into your relationship won’t just rekindle the spark; it will deepen your connection in ways that feel even more meaningful now.

Check in—because needs change over time

 

One of the most underrated yet essential components of micro-mancing is communication. What your partner needed a year ago may not be what they need today, which is why regular relationship check-ins are crucial.

“Whether you're married or in a long-term relationship, it’s important to check in—not every month, but maybe every three months—to ensure both partners’ needs are being met. Often, we assume we know what our partners need, but their needs might be going unmet.”

A simple sit-down conversation—How is our relationship? Am I meeting your needs? What could I do better?—can prevent miscommunication, deepen emotional intimacy, and ensure both partners feel valued. Love is an evolving experience, and staying attuned to your partner’s shifting needs is key to keeping the connection alive.

Speak their love language—not just yours

Understanding your partner’s love language isn’t just a relationship cliché—it’s essential to making micro-mance meaningful. What feels romantic to you may not be what makes your partner feel loved. Shivdasani suggests incorporating this into your check-ins: “You need to understand your partner’s love language and what they want to receive.”

If they value physical touch, a spontaneous hug or holding their hand might mean more than words. If their love language is acts of service, bringing them coffee in the morning could speak volumes. The goal isn’t just to express love—it’s to express love in a way that your partner understands and appreciates.

Make it about them—not just what you think is sweet

 

One of the biggest mistakes people make in relationships is assuming their partner will love what they personally find romantic. True micro-mancing is about understanding what makes your partner feel special. “One mistake people make is doing what they think is sweet,” Shivdasani warns. “Think about what your partner would appreciate.” If you’re unsure, simply ask—What makes you feel most loved? This small shift in perspective can make a world of difference in how intimacy is nurtured.

Keep it fresh—avoid falling into routine

Even small romantic gestures can become stale if repeated too often. The magic of micro-mance lies in its unpredictability—keeping things fresh without making romance feel like a chore.

Instead of mechanically repeating the same gestures, look for new ways to surprise and delight your partner. One day, it might be a handwritten note in their bag; another day, playing their favourite song in the car without saying a word. Romance should never feel like an obligation—it should feel like a natural extension of your affection.

Remember—love is in the quiet moments

At its core, micro-mance is about being present. It’s in the way you instinctively brush a strand of hair from their face, the way you reach for their hand in a crowded room, the way you remember the little details they mentioned months ago. These are the moments that build the foundation of an unshakable bond.

As Shivdasani reminds us, “Whether it comes naturally or not, if you want to work on your relationship, you have to put in the effort.” The beauty of micro-mance is that once you commit to it, love starts to feel less like effort and more like a deeply ingrained rhythm.

Because, in the end, the most powerful love stories aren’t written in grand, sweeping gestures—they’re told in the quiet, everyday moments. The ones too small to capture, but too meaningful to ever forget.

Lead image : Netflix

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