Why being non-confrontational is doing you more harm than good

People often refrain from confronting their partners due to the fear of conflict, dislike for tension, or simply because they want to maintain peace and harmony in their relationships. While keeping the peace does seem like the best way to prevent drama, avoiding confrontation often does more harm than good. With time, suppressing emotions and avoiding necessary conversations can result in frustration, strained relationships, and even damage one’s mental and emotional well-being. This is why it’s important to understand the negative effects of being non-confrontational and learn how to develop assertiveness, which can further lead to healthier and more fulfilling relationships.

The harmful effects of avoiding confrontation

Suppressing your needs and feelings

One of the biggest downsides of being non-confrontational is that the person suppresses their thoughts and emotions. Be it at work, in relationships, or in daily interactions, avoiding difficult conversations means that sometimes things don't get resolved. And this leads to feelings of resentment and frustration. One might think that not saying anything prevents conflict, but in reality, it only delays it.

Relationships become strained

Non-confrontational people believe they are helping their relationships by avoiding difficult conversations. However, the opposite is true. When you don’t express your thoughts or concerns, misunderstandings start to develop creating a distance between two people. People may view you as passive, unreliable, or even indifferent if you constantly avoid important discussions. 

Increases anxiety and stress

Holding in your feelings can lead to increased anxiety, as you constantly replay scenarios in your head, wondering what you should have said. This cycle of overthinking and self-doubt can take a toll on your mental health, making everyday interactions feel overwhelming. Rather than providing relief, avoidance only amplifies your inner turmoil.

Doesn’t allow you to grow

Confrontation is perceived as a negative experience, but in reality, it is a powerful tool for personal growth. Standing up for yourself builds confidence, strengthens your communication skills, and helps you set boundaries. Shying away from difficult conversations makes one miss out on opportunities to learn, improve, and develop emotional resilience. Growth happens outside of your comfort zone, and avoiding confrontation keeps you trapped in a cycle of fear and hesitation.

You end up being taken advantage of

People may take advantage of your passive nature because you’re someone who avoids confrontation. Whether it’s a demanding boss, a toxic friend, or a pushy salesperson, others may see your reluctance to speak up as an opportunity to get their way. This can lead to situations where you feel overworked, undervalued, or manipulated. The inability to assert yourself can make you an easy target for those who prioritise their own needs over yours.

How to overcome this problem 

Change your mindset

Instead of viewing confrontation as a hostile or negative experience, start seeing it as a necessary form of communication. Confrontation doesn’t have to be aggressive. It can be a respectful discussion that leads to understanding and resolution. Changing your perspective can help reduce the fear and anxiety associated with difficult conversations.

Baby steps

Jumping into a major confrontation can feel overwhelming for those not used to speaking. Start with smaller situations, like voicing your opinion in a group setting or addressing minor concerns in your personal life. As you gain confidence, you can tackle more significant conversations with greater ease.

Be more assertive

Being assertive doesn’t mean being rude or confrontational; it means expressing your thoughts and needs in a clear, respectful manner. Use "I" statements, such as "I feel hurt when..." or "I need more support with..." to communicate your emotions without sounding accusatory. Practicing assertive communication can help you find a balanced way to express yourself.

Prepare for difficult conversations

If you anticipate a challenging discussion, take time to prepare. Write down key points, rehearse what you want to say, and visualise a positive outcome. Being well-prepared can help reduce anxiety and ensure that you articulate your thoughts effectively.

Set boundaries

Learning to say "no" is a crucial part of overcoming a non-confrontational nature. Setting boundaries helps protect your time, energy, and well-being. Recognise that it’s okay to prioritise yourself and that saying "no" doesn’t make you selfish—it makes you self-respecting.

Lead image: Netflix

Also read: Here’s how to not confuse healthy boundaries with ultimatums in a relationship

Also read: How important is it to set boundaries in your relationship?