There are plenty of ways to turn someone on—from gadget- and gizmo-like sex toys to aphrodisiac foods. But IMO, one of the best ways is also the most basic: with words. There’s something about the right turn of phrase at the right time that can make your whole body go totally haywire. A whisper in your ear, a flirty text mid-workday, a voice note that’s somehow both filthy and tender...it’s all part of the art of dirty talk. And while it might sound intimidating, knowing how to talk dirty is really just about learning to say what you want out loud (and making it sound hot in the process). Jaimee Bell, executive producer and sex expert at Bloom Stories, defines dirty talk as "any kind of sexual communication." While you might picture heavy breathing into a phone, Bell says it’s less about how and more about the intent—using language to build arousal, anticipation, and express desire. Think of it as foreplay for your brain; something that builds tension, deepens connection, and makes you squirm in your seat a little bit. It’s also why hearing someone say exactly what they want can feel so damn electric. “Touch stimulates the body; words stimulate the mind, which is our most powerful sex organ,” says Nicholas Velotta, head of relationship research at Arya. When you or your partner puts desire into words, it doesn’t just sound sexy—it feels personal, intimate, and affirming. That said, for the uninitiated, dirty talk might seem intimidating. That’s why we’ve tapped the experts to break down everything you need to know about how to talk dirty. From what to say to how to start, here’s how to get put-a-bar-of-soap-in-your-mouth-level good at talking bad (complimentary). What Are the Benefits of Dirty Talk? Sure, dirty talk can make things hotter in the moment, but it can also do way more than just turn you on. “Dirty talk is a form of foreplay,” explains Bell. “It builds suspense and excitement and validates desire.” Basically, when someone tells you they want you (and how), it lights up both your brain and your body. But the perks don’t stop there. “Dirty talk can help us enjoy healthier, more fulfilling intimate relationships,” Bell adds. “It’s ultimately about articulating what feels good and what we want, which often leads to better sex.” Translation: Being brave enough to say what turns you on can actually boost your confidence everywhere else, too. And yeah, it can feel vulnerable—but that's kind of the point. “Yes, we might get something wrong or sound silly whilst we play,” Bell admits, “but it doesn’t have to be a big deal when we’re with somebody we trust.” Fumbling isn’t a fail; it’s connection in progress. That emotional side shows up in the data, too. “Arya research on over 250,000 couples found that 57 percent of people struggle to talk about sex,” says Velotta. “Dirty talk offers a way through that maze. Behind the words, you’re practicing honesty, permission, and self-acceptance.” At its best, dirty talk isn’t about acting confident—it’s about being honest. “You’re revealing something private: what turns you on, what you fantasize about, what feels good,” Velotta explains. “That kind of truth-telling can reawaken closeness, especially for couples who’ve grown comfortable but emotionally or erotically muted over time.” How Do You Start Talking Dirty? Okay, so you’re convinced dirty talk might be the move—but how exactly do you start without sounding like you’re reading bad fanfic out loud? The short answer: slowly and sincerely. “Trust is really important,” says Bell. “If you feel vulnerable or awkward putting your desires into words at first, it’s completely normal. The most important thing is that you’re with somebody you trust, so you feel you have a safe space in which to try new things.” In other words, you don’t need a whole script—just a willing partner and a little curiosity. An easy entry point? Describe what you’re already enjoying. Try a simple, I love the way you’re doing that, or, That feels so good, don’t stop. Bell suggests focusing on what’s real and specific rather than performing. You’re not auditioning for Bridgerton; you’re just saying what feels good out loud. “Take it slow and see what feels right,” Bell adds. You can build from compliments to direction (I want you to do X—would that be okay?) and then to anticipation (I can’t wait until later.). Authenticity beats theatrics every time. Velotta agrees that the key is presence, not performance. “Dirty talk doesn’t have to sound like porn to be erotic; it just has to sound like you,” he says. “The goal isn’t to impress—it’s to co-author a language both people can feel at home in.” So yeah, you might blush the first few times. That’s fine! Half the fun of learning how to talk dirty is figuring out what feels natural, what feels ridiculous, and what makes both of you laugh before things get hot again. Do I Need Consent to Talk Dirty? If you’re going to talk the talk, you need to make sure everyone wants to listen. “You always need consent,” says Bell. “The key to great dirty talk is mutual enthusiasm. Test the waters with flirty cues and check-ins, and make sure you’re both feeling comfortable before getting into it.” Basically, if you wouldn’t touch someone without their consent (which, you wouldn’t!), don’t talk to them like you would. A little curiosity goes a long way—especially at the beginning. Velotta agrees that consent is what keeps things ethical. “Just like any other form of sexual expression, dirty talk only works when it’s wanted,” he says. “But consent doesn’t have to interrupt the moment; it can become part of it. Asking, Can I tell you what I’m thinking about? or Do you want to hear what I want to do to you? gives your partner a chance to opt in, while still building anticipation.” And when it comes to more intense language—like degradation, power dynamics, or specific fantasies—Velotta recommends checking in ahead of time. “It’s best to talk about boundaries and meanings outside of the bedroom first,” he says. “That space for reflection allows partners to understand not just what words turn them on, but why.” Think of consent not as a buzzkill but as a sexperience enhancer. By knowing everyone’s on the same page before you start reciting slutty Shakespeare (or whatever!), you’ll build trust, make your partner feel seen, and turn the entire experience into something even hotter. What If My Partner Isn’t Into Dirty Talk? So you’ve finally worked up the courage to whisper something filthy…and your partner just kind of blinks at you. Don’t panic (or change your name and move countries). Not everyone gets turned on by words—and that’s okay. “Start by getting curious, not critical,” says Velotta. “A partner’s hesitation around erotic language is rarely about prudishness; it’s usually about comfort, conditioning, or the meanings they’ve attached to certain words.” Maybe explicit talk just feels too vulnerable, or maybe they’d rather express things through touch, tone, or body language. Bell agrees that comfort is everything. “It’s important to respect their boundaries,” she says. “Not everyone gets turned on by words, and sex is about partnership and discovering what makes one another tick.” She suggests asking what language does feel sexy or affirming—maybe they’re more into flirty compliments or sexting than in-the-moment moans. The key? Stay playful, not pressured. And if you’re the one who’s really into dirty talk, communicate that! Maybe your partner’s fine hearing it but not saying it back—or maybe they’d rather record you a voice note or send a text instead of saying it IRL at first. And worst case? You can always get creative—like by letting them wear a ball gag—if the idea of talking is too much. Suddenly *not* talking got even spicier, right?
