Money talks, and so should couples—financial expert Sonia Shenoy explains why

From breakfast debates to upcoming vacations, we talk about it all: “Let’s try that new cafe” “Let’s plan a cooking date this weekend” “Phuket or Goa for the trip?” But the moment the subject shifts to money, many couples take a polite sidestep—the discomfort of discussing finances is real—and it impacts relationships in myriad ways. Thus, the bills often remain blurry, and so do lifestyle expectations.

Cosmopolitan India learns with Sonia Shenoy, independent business journalist and finance subject matter expert, that money isn’t the villain in a relationship...the lack of conversation about it is. And how honesty about bank notifications can be a form of care. Below, we decode how instead of avoidance, couples can start talking about money without losing the romance.

Cosmopolitan India: At what stage of a relationship should couples start having honest money conversations?

Sonia Shenoy: You should start as early as possible, and honestly, it’s about the consistency and depth of the conversation. In the early stages of a relationship, one isn’t aware about how their partner handles finances. You just need to understand their general attitude towards money. What is their lifestyle expectation? While one partner may want to travel the world, the other’s approach may be a bit more frugal. Now, these conversations are those you should have early in your relationship. Because only then can one set realistic expectations, and there won’t be as much room for disappointment. At different life stages, you can have different money conversations; the key is to start having them early—and consistently.

CI: How should couples handle situations where one partner earns significantly more than the other?

SS: The problem is, when one partner earns more than the other, the relationship doesn’t feel fair. It feels like one person is dependent on the other. But the fact is that one person has to be dependent on the other—so, they must figure out what their comfort zone is. It’s not the income gap. It’s the unspoken expectations between the two partners. There are phases of life when one partner is going through a hard time, maybe a health-related issue, and you have to be flexible at work. So, money-wise, the relationship will never be the same throughout. The income of a husband and wife should be kept entirely separate from their worth in the relationship. My advice is, fully pool your income into one basket—its ideal for long-term couples and requires a lot of trust and shared values. If that doesn’t work for you, then split equally.

CI: Do you recommend joint bank accounts, separate accounts, or a hybrid system for modern couples?

SS: I don’t recommend a joint bank account for married couples—even those without children. I feel a joint expense should only be made for a common project. And for a couple, the primary joint project is a child. Once you have a child, you have a lot of fixed expenses like school fees, transportation, tuition fees etc. Besides that, every person should have their own bank account, since spending patterns may vary. You can be aware of the other person’s patterns, but you needn’t be a daily participant in it.

CI: What are some red flags when it comes to money?

SS: I think the biggest red flag is the lack of transparency. If a partner is hiding financial matters like debt, loans, credit card debt, their income, their expenditures, and is actively avoiding money conversations, it’s a pretty big red flag. The second biggest red flag is controlling a person through money: “I earn more money, so I will decide what the expenses are.” Monitoring, questioning every expense, and restricting access are big red flags. A lot of women earn money and give it to their partners, subsequently losing access to it. Married couples go through a lot of financial abuse in different ways, and they may not even realise it.

CI: If you had to share three non-negotiable financial rules for couples, what would they be?

SS: First is transparency. Being extremely transparent about what you have when you start out in the relationship. Transparency about your income, debt, loans, credit card expenditures, and the financial obligations to your family. Second is, of course, no financial abuse. Never use money as power: “I earn more, so I decide what to do with it.” Withholding money, guilt tripping, shaming, lying etc—avoid these at all costs. Third is the equality around money. This doesn’t mean that both partners should earn or spend the same. Equality means what works for one partner should also work for the other, irrespective of whether they earn or not. Transparency, safety around money, and equality around money...I would recommend every couple to bring these into their relationship.

Illustration by Pragalbha Singh

This article originally appeared in Cosmopolitan India's Jan-Feb 2026 print edition. 

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