If the phrase “guided masturbation” makes you picture someone giving you turn-by-turn directions to your own orgasm, well, you’re not entirely wrong. But before you start imagining a disembodied voice ordering you to touch your clit or give yourself a nipplegasm, know that there’s a whole lot more to it than that. Depending on the kind of guided masturbation you try, you might be led through breath work, visualization, different ways of touching your body, edging, or simply slowing the hell down and actually noticing what feels good. And that last part can be surprisingly useful if your usual masturbation routine is less “sensual journey of self-discovery” and more “I have seven minutes before I need to shower.” “It can help strengthen your sexual mindfulness and sexual self-esteem because you learn to slow down, feel all the sensations, and connect with your breath,” says certified sexologist Tara Suwinyattichaiporn, PhD, sex expert and author of How Do You Like It?: A Guide for Getting What You Want in Bed. So how exactly does guided masturbation work—and do you need someone literally telling you what to do? Ahead, experts break down the different ways to try it, why you might want to, and how to find a guide that actually turns you on. What Is Guided Masturbation? Guided masturbation is a form of self-pleasure where some kind of guide leads you through the experience. Most commonly, that means listening to recorded or live audio, but guidance can also incorporate visual content or other interactive elements. “It helps cut down on anxious thoughts and directs your focus to the pleasure,” says Mindy DeSeta, PhD, sexologist and sexuality educator at Hily. And there isn’t just one way to do it. Some guided masturbation sessions focus on mindfulness techniques like breath work, body scans, or visualization, while others might walk you through different ways of touching your body, controlling your arousal, or edging. There are also more explicitly erotic versions that function a little more like dirty talk, with someone telling you what to do as you masturbate. Advertisement - Continue Reading Below Basically, guided masturbation can be as instructional, mindful, or downright horny as you want it to be. The common denominator is that instead of completely freestyling your solo session, you have some form of guidance helping you along the way. What Are the Benefits of Guided Masturbation? If your brain has a habit of wandering everywhere except what’s happening in your body during sex, guided masturbation may help give it somewhere to focus. DeSeta says following a guide can help quiet distracting or anxious thoughts, reduce some of the pressure around pleasure, and make it easier to stay present in your body. It can also help you figure out more about what you actually like. Depending on the guide, you might be encouraged to slow down, touch parts of your body you normally ignore, experiment with different sensations, or notice how your arousal changes as you go. Dr. Tara points to pleasure mapping—touching different areas of your body and paying attention to what feels good—as one technique that can help you explore. And speaking of exploring: Guided masturbation can also just be a fun way to switch things up. If you tend to masturbate the same way every time because you already know it works (valid), having someone walk you through something different can introduce you to techniques, fantasies, or sensations you might not have thought to try on your own. As Dr. Tara puts it, guided masturbation can be “sensual and slow,” but it can also simply be “fun and exciting depending on which guide you’re using.” How to Try Guided Masturbation Ready to give guided masturbation a go? There’s no single right way to do it, and finding what works for you may take a little experimenting. “Tone, pace, and content all matter when it comes to vulnerable moments,” says DeSeta, so don’t assume that because one guide makes you want to rip your headphones off, guided masturbation isn’t for you. It might also feel a little awkward at first, especially if it’s very different from the way you normally masturbate. Give yourself some time to settle into the experience, and remember that the goal isn’t to follow every instruction perfectly or race to an orgasm. Here’s how to get started: Find a Guide That Feels Right for You Finding a guided masturbation session you actually like may take some trial and error. Some guides are soft, slow, and mindfulness-focused, while others lean much more explicit. And the seemingly small stuff matters: The voice, tone, pace, language, and kinds of activities involved can all determine whether you’re into it or suddenly very aware that a stranger is talking into your headphones.
