15 Women Reveal How to Make Makeup Sex the Best Sex Ever

The two of you have had an argument. You're still mad, but he's not — and he wants to make up by making love. Fat chance: You cross your arms in front of your chest and stand firm, unmoved by the tender kisses he attempts to plant on the back of your neck. "How could he think he's getting sex now?" you wonder. You're not alone: When Redbook surveyed readers, 72 percent of female respondents said they withhold sex from their husbands when they fight.

But maybe you should open your arms and embrace your man instead of pushing him away. Having sex is not an admission that you're wrong and he's right. It's an acknowledgment and a celebration of the love you share even in times of discord. Besides, 10 minutes after the shouting, he's already past the argument. Women hold on to anger longer than men do. We could learn from them how to let it go.

For garden-variety fights — disputes over household chores, child-care duties, budgeting, in-laws, not big issues — makeup sex has the power to heal emotional wounds. "These ongoing issues may never be satisfactorily resolved," says Diane Andoscia Urso, a couples therapist in New York, "but good sex can really take the edge off them."

Here, seven makeup-sex strategies that have worked for wives who've found that it's better to give (and receive!) than to withhold.

1. Let Your Anger Arouse You

For many couples an argument is verbal foreplay; they're sexually aroused by debate. This isn't surprising. The adrenaline rush accompanying mild anger creates a response in the brain that is similar to sexual arousal. To use that rush to your advantage, avoid uttering the harsh words and accusations that turn a little fight into a big standoff. Don't be cruel to each other. Instead, feel the erotic possibilities in the energy pulsing through your angry body.

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"He'll stop in the middle of a sentence and say, 'Your skin glows when you're angry' or 'Your nipples are hard under that shirt.' It turns me on. The adrenaline is pumping, and so are the sex hormones. I like knowing I can completely break his concentration by putting my hands on my hips and thrusting my chest out." —Gina, 33

"When we fight, we have to stand toe-to-toe and stage-whisper so we won't wake the baby. His lowered voice and the proximity of his body to mine is exciting. I can't help myself. I want to kiss his Adam's apple." —Andrea, 29

2. Take a Laugh Break

Laughter is healing. It can also be erotic, like champagne bubbles bursting in the brain. So laugh with each other — but not at each other.

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"After a fight he'll say something funny, usually at his own expense. He can tell how ready I am to forgive and forget by whether I give him a thin smile or a real laugh. If I laugh he'll pull me into his arms and nuzzle my neck. Then he licks inside my ear with the tip of his tongue. That always makes me shiver and giggle. If he only gets a smile, he'll make another joke to loosen me up. He could be a stand-up comic." —Jenna, 31

"Mark is more inclined to pout after a fight than I am. I'm the one who wants to make up with sex. I tickle him. He pushes my hand away, but not too forcefully. I tickle him again. He tickles back. We play like kids until one of us reaches inside the other's clothing to tickle bare skin. That does it! Once our hands are on each other's bodies, we can't stay mad about anything." —Christine, 37

3. Close Without Clothes

Some women need to make a closing "anger statement" before they can move on to lovemaking. Keep it brief. Give him encouragement with your eyes as you express your feelings. End by saying in a suggestive tone of voice, "But we can talk about it another time" — a sentence men always love to hear.

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"I always have to get the last word in (I'm a lawyer). That doesn't mean I'll get my way. The last word is my summary statement, my last chance to clinch an argument. He might find this behavior obnoxious if I didn't undress him with my eyes while I'm talking." —Deborah, 34

"I tell him, 'I want to make love to you, but I need a few minutes to speak my mind without interruption.' I stand across the room from him so he has to watch but can't reach out and touch. And I start undressing while I speak. He doesn't interrupt; I shut up when I'm naked. I feel a little bit exhibitionistic — but I have the power again." —Kim, 32

4. Establish a Makeup Ritual

The makeup ritual, a bridge between anger and loving, is a way of calling a truce. It can be as simple as taking a shower together or exchanging shoulder rubs. Both of you recognize that it also means no more arguing.

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"Rob does something for me without being asked — even if I'm the one who's more at fault. He makes tea or pours a glass of wine. Maybe he'll go out into the garden and pick a rose. His offering signals a cease-fire, and my gracious acceptance of his gift says, 'Me, too.' Recently he brought me the last dish of chocolate ice cream, significant because we'd been fighting about doing the shopping. We shared the ice cream, feeding each other with the same spoon. Afterward we kissed, and his mouth was sweet and cold. I asked him to suck my nipples before he warmed up." —Tracey, 29

"Before we were married, we ended an argument about our wedding plans by taking a nude midnight swim in the pool at his apartment building. He dared me, and I did it. We had sex in the pool. After the wedding we moved to California, and we ended our first big argument by taking another nude swim — in the ocean this time — and having sex on the beach. Now we have little kids and can't throw our clothes off to go out and play. But we still have a water-therapy ritual: We take a cool shower or bath together, and I cuddle against him until we generate some heat." —Carolyn, 38

5. Take a Time-Out

Many angry women need a time-out after a fight. Take 15 or 30 minutes, even an hour alone to take a walk, exercise, bathe or read — any activity that restores your equilibrium. Don't promise sex when the break is over, but let him know you're receptive to affection by being the one to give the first hug.

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"I need more time to get over a fight than he does. He takes the kids; I get on the treadmill. Working up a good sweat gets rid of my residual anger and makes me feel sexy at the same time." —Jeanette, 35

"I've learned from experience that we'll both feel better if we have sex soon after a fight. When he starts making up to me, I tell him I need a bubble bath if I'm not feeling warm toward him yet. I lock the bathroom door and soak. When I get out of the tub, I rub expensive perfumed cream into my skin. I only use the good stuff at times like this, and I take my time applying it to my breasts and thighs — almost like masturbating, but not quite." —Angie, 39

6. Give a Virtuoso Lovemaking Performance

Sex, especially makeup sex, isn't always an emotionally intense experience. Use the distance you feel between you to practice virtuoso lovemaking, the kind of performance that improves with a certain degree of distance. Pull out all the stops and remind him of what he could miss if he ever makes you really mad.

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"After one big fight, I gave him the best blow job he ever had. I used all the strokes I learned from books, keeping my mouth in constant motion. He was so knocked out, he sent flowers to my office the next day and brought roses home, too." —Annette, 34

"I hate to admit it when I'm wrong. I'd much rather come on like a courtesan than apologize. I do the things he really loves but doesn't get very often, like masturbating for him while he watches, playing bondage games with him or dressing up in a bustier, stockings and a garter belt. Putting on an outfit is good for makeup sex when I'm having trouble getting past the fight. I pretend I'm someone else, a woman who isn't annoyed at him. It works for both of us." —Lisa, 37

7. Make Him Worship You

If makeup sex still seems like something you're doing for him, turn lovemaking into your special-request session. Ask him for extended foreplay, an erotic massage — whatever you want, you can probably get it now. Assume the goddess position and expect worship.

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"If I'm still a little mad at him, he knows what he has to do to get me hot. He gives me long, slow kisses, without too much tongue. When I'm ready for him to move down my body, I take his head in my hands and guide him to a breast. After he's sucked and licked my nipples to my satisfaction, I tweak his ears. On that signal he kisses his way down to my inner thighs and licks, strokes, and sucks. One intense orgasm, and I'm not mad at him anymore." —Tiffany, 33

"He knows he has to come to me and make me want it. One night I went to bed still irritated with him. After I lay down, I turned my back on him. In a little while I felt him duck under the sheet. Then he parted my legs with his head. I pretended to ignore him, but I didn't push him away — or smash his head between my thighs. For a long time he just used the tip of his tongue and his fingers. He had me begging for it." —Dana, 32

"He worships me, sometimes by doing something kinky, like sucking my toes. This is very effective because most of the time we're each pretty determined to keep the equality in our marriage. Once, after we'd yelled at each other, I was sitting in a chair, pretending to read. He crawled over to me and, on his knees, began to massage my legs, starting with the calves. Then he asked permission to take off my slacks. I gave it to him." —Abby, 35

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