Creative lies to get rid of creepy guys at clubs when “no” just isn’t enough

Let’s face it. You could be having the time of your life at the club—your winged liner sharp enough to cut glass, Shakira playing in the background, and you and your girlies in your own fabulous little bubble. But of course, there’s always that one guy. The one who mistakes your good mood for an open invitation. A “hey” here, a “can I buy you a drink?” there—and suddenly, your peaceful night out turns into a game of dodging awkward small talk and plotting your exit like it’s a tactical mission. Because apparently, body language and the universal signal of not interested still aren’t clear enough.

The truth is, sometimes “no” just doesn’t cut it. So, when polite deflection fails and firm rejection gets ignored, it’s time to get creative. Here are 10 wildly imaginative lies to help you shut it down without killing the vibe.

“I’m engaged… to my cousin.”

Saying you’re taken is boring. Saying you’re engaged to your cousin? Unhinged. Messy. Iconic. Watch his face contort as he processes the taboo. And if he still lingers? Tell him it’s part of your family’s “ancestral property clause.” Works every time.

Make up your own language and fully commit

When he asks your name, answer with “Skelup nava loni.” Keep a blank face. Keep doing it. Every time he tries English, reply in your new dialect. Add claps. Clicks. Rhythmic shoulder movements. He’ll leave faster than you can blink.

“I’m 17.”

Say it flat. Bored, almost. No smile. No flirty tone. Just drop the number and stare him down. Most men will awkwardly disappear into the night. If they don’t? Point them to security.

“I once destroyed my ex’s PS5 because he left me on read.”

Say it while sipping your drink slowly. Let him visualise the horror. You? Bathed in LED light. Holding a hammer. Looking him dead in the eyes as the loading screen flashes one last time. Then smile like it was liberating.

“I’m a tax auditor. Want to talk about GST filings?”

No man at a club wants to be reminded of his financial disorganisation. Say you’re with the Income Tax Department. Mention irregularities in bank statements. Ask about his PAN. Use words like “scrutiny” and “penalty.” Believe us, he’ll probably end up ghosting himself.

“I’m a casting director for indie horror films.”

Stare intensely. Tell him he has the perfect face for a character that gets possessed in the first five minutes. Ask if he can scream on cue. Whip out your phone and say, “Can I film a quick audition?”

“I don’t speak to men during Mercury retrograde.”

Pull out your astrology app, pretend to check his birth chart, and gasp dramatically. Say something like, “Your Mars is in Cancer. We’ll clash emotionally and spiritually.” Then whisper, “It’s dangerous if we talk.” Float away mysteriously.

“This is my bachelorette party. That’s my fiancé.”

Point to the most terrifying, jacked-up man in the room. Ideally, someone with tattoos and a neck vein. Say he’s in the army and just got back from a mission. Throw in “he’s super protective” for effect. Then raise your glass and say, “Cheers to almost-married life!”

“I’m a nun. This is research.”

You’ve taken a vow of silence, but only starting tomorrow. You’re in the club to observe temptation so you can better resist it. You’re literally studying sin. Pull out a tiny notebook. Ask him how often he lies or drinks, or sins. This ought to make him uncomfortable enough to run for the exit himself. 

Lead image: Pexels

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