Should You Cover for Your Cheating Friend?

NO
Says Tulika Mehrotra, Author of Crashing B-Town

“‘It’s just a little white lie’, a close friend once said to me. ‘What’s the big deal? I’d do it for you!’ And with that, I saw the first cracks in our friendship. But I didn’t budge. I didn’t lie for her while she cheated on her boyfriend/husband—whoever. For what? Fun? An escape from boredom? Something fetishy to reignite the spark? Lying for her would mean I agreed with her deception. I didn’t and I still don’t. Also, you’re not much of a friend if you’re asking such a crappy favour. The underlying question is, why cheat? If the relationship is broken, end it. If there are problems, fix them. Maybe it’s just a hedge with multiple partners to pick the best one. Fine. But I still wouldn’t lie for her. She needs to own her own fraud. Cheating is lying and nothing good will come from it. The argument that ‘guys do it all the time!’ is weak. My perception of ‘those’ guys is certainly not a good one. Go ahead, lie to your partner, but don’t ask me to cover for you. I am okay with losing the friendship, but not lowering my own standards.”

YES
Says Judy Balan, Author of Two Fates: The Story Of My Divorce

“Covering for a friend who is cheating on her boyfriend—isn’t that what high-schoolers do? If said friend is an adult and is choosing to cheat on her partner, there should be no confusion about the fact that it should remain between her and her partner. I’d definitely mind my own business. I don’t believe it’s my place to set things right in other people’s relationships, or even confront my friend on what’s entirely her choice. I mean, I’m not a priest or a relationship counsellor. I’m under no moral obligation to intervene here. However, in the case of the boyfriend also being an equally close friend, I might find myself caught in an endless cycle of guilt no matter what I choose to do, because doing the right thing by one friend would wrong the other by default. It’s kind of ridiculous when you think about it. In these situations, I really think we should have a non-disclosure agreement between the mutual best friend and the couple before they get into an exclusive relationship!”