Now at 40, the actor continues to stick to her health regimen, which *surprise* is not exactly rocket science. As she puts it – Your 10th std biology textbook told you all you needed to know about fitness and you ignored it.

“You just have to make a choice and ask yourself - Do you want to fit into size 26 jeans that you were wearing in your 20s? Or are you okay with putting on a kilo every passing year?” she says.

So, if you made your choice. Read on to know her fitness mantra that help you crack the *The Secret* (Hint: Biology textbook):

Rule #1: Your body is a machine. Treat it like that

“Call it a plane or a car, but the body is a machine with a fixed fuel capacity (aka food) that you cannot exceed. Secondly, your body, the machine, can only take a certain type of fuel – this just means nutritious, non-packaged food rather than junk food,” says Gul.

And how exactly do you learn to drive this machine? Well, calculate your BMR (Basal Metabolic Rate). “BMR is the rate at which your body needs fuel for the body organs to function. It’s even available online and anybody can calculate it. For instance, at my age, my BMR is 1300 calories. Now, I don’t like counting calories but this is just to give you an idea about what you are eating,” says Gul.

Rule #2: Do not get into an abusive relationship with food

“Exercising does not make your food consumption infinite. If you run 10 km/hour you will only burn about 500 calories that is equivalent to 2 beers and one brownie. So, to say that I exercise and I can eat whatever I want is the biggest misnomer,” says Gul.

Ouch! There go your weekend-plans.

The key, as Gul says, is to ensure that 95 per cent of your diet is nutritious and rest of the 5 per cent can be ‘kachra’ or junk food.

“I eat dal, rice, roti, sabzi, chicken and everything. That’s a balanced diet. I do indulge but I maintain 95% of my body fuel as nutrition and avoid packaged or processed food. I don’t do fad diets because I believe the body needs carbohydrates, protein, minerals and even fat,” she says.

She adds, “We have unhealthy relationships with food. We eat when we are sad, stressed, happy or angry. Food is nutrition and that is the primary role. If you understand that you will never have a weight problem.”

Rule #3: Just move

 

[instagram]https://www.instagram.com/p/BrFt0ZRnjth/?utm_source=ig_embed&utm_campaign=loading[/instagram]

Tabata, cycling, sprinting or just hitting the gym – make sure to have an active lifestyle. Just move!

She may have been running since 15, but there is not a fitness move that Gul has not tried out. “I do Tabata, HIIT, yoga or if I don’t have time, I do 100 Surya Namaskars in my hotel room. If it’s raining in Mumbai and I can’t go for my run, I’ll go up and down eleven floors in my building ten times. I innovate, I don’t look for excuses, I look for solutions,” she says.

Interestingly, Surya Namaskar is also the OG of all fitness moves, especially if you can manage it a hundred times a day (Yes, that’s what Gul said).

“Ideally, your fitness regimen should combine strength, flexibility and endurance. Strength comes from resistance exercises such as push-ups or squats using your body weight, for flexibility, there is Yoga or Pilates and endurance comes from running or cardio,” she says.

BRB, see you on the other side of 100 Surya Namaskar!

","body_with_product_for_feed":"

Actor, health activist, adventurer, mother and an aviator –Gul Panag maybe a lot of things but a quitter she is not.

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“People tell me that I have great legs and I tell them that you would too, had you been going for runs regularly for 25 years. I have been running since I was 15 and I still wear the same jeans size since I was in my 20s,” she says.

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A post shared by Gul Panag (@gulpanag) on

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Now at 40, the actor continues to stick to her health regimen, which *surprise* is not exactly rocket science. As she puts it – Your 10th std biology textbook told you all you needed to know about fitness and you ignored it.

\r\n\r\n

“You just have to make a choice and ask yourself - Do you want to fit into size 26 jeans that you were wearing in your 20s? Or are you okay with putting on a kilo every passing year?” she says.

\r\n\r\n

So, if you made your choice. Read on to know her fitness mantra that help you crack the *The Secret* (Hint: Biology textbook):

\r\n\r\n

Rule #1: Your body is a machine. Treat it like that

\r\n\r\n

“Call it a plane or a car, but the body is a machine with a fixed fuel capacity (aka food) that you cannot exceed. Secondly, your body, the machine, can only take a certain type of fuel – this just means nutritious, non-packaged food rather than junk food,” says Gul.

\r\n\r\n

And how exactly do you learn to drive this machine? Well, calculate your BMR (Basal Metabolic Rate). “BMR is the rate at which your body needs fuel for the body organs to function. It’s even available online and anybody can calculate it. For instance, at my age, my BMR is 1300 calories. Now, I don’t like counting calories but this is just to give you an idea about what you are eating,” says Gul.

\r\n\r\n

Rule #2: Do not get into an abusive relationship with food

\r\n\r\n

“Exercising does not make your food consumption infinite. If you run 10 km/hour you will only burn about 500 calories that is equivalent to 2 beers and one brownie. So, to say that I exercise and I can eat whatever I want is the biggest misnomer,” says Gul.

\r\n\r\n

Ouch! There go your weekend-plans.

\r\n\r\n

The key, as Gul says, is to ensure that 95 per cent of your diet is nutritious and rest of the 5 per cent can be ‘kachra’ or junk food.

\r\n\r\n

“I eat dal, rice, roti, sabzi, chicken and everything. That’s a balanced diet. I do indulge but I maintain 95% of my body fuel as nutrition and avoid packaged or processed food. I don’t do fad diets because I believe the body needs carbohydrates, protein, minerals and even fat,” she says.

\r\n\r\n

She adds, “We have unhealthy relationships with food. We eat when we are sad, stressed, happy or angry. Food is nutrition and that is the primary role. If you understand that you will never have a weight problem.”

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Rule #3: Just move

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View this post on Instagram
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A post shared by Gul Panag (@gulpanag) on

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Tabata, cycling, sprinting or just hitting the gym – make sure to have an active lifestyle. Just move!

\r\n\r\n

She may have been running since 15, but there is not a fitness move that Gul has not tried out. “I do Tabata, HIIT, yoga or if I don’t have time, I do 100 Surya Namaskars in my hotel room. If it’s raining in Mumbai and I can’t go for my run, I’ll go up and down eleven floors in my building ten times. I innovate, I don’t look for excuses, I look for solutions,” she says.

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Interestingly, Surya Namaskar is also the OG of all fitness moves, especially if you can manage it a hundred times a day (Yes, that’s what Gul said).

\r\n\r\n

“Ideally, your fitness regimen should combine strength, flexibility and endurance. Strength comes from resistance exercises such as push-ups or squats using your body weight, for flexibility, there is Yoga or Pilates and endurance comes from running or cardio,” she says.

\r\n\r\n

BRB, see you on the other side of 100 Surya Namaskar!

\r\n","notes":null,"notes_syn":null,"userData_node":"630","userData":{"uid":"630","field_first_name":"Arpita Kala","editor_sef":"/author/630/arpita"},"sch_body":"Actor, health activist, adventurer, mother and an aviator –Gul Panag maybe a lot of things but a quitter she is not. “People tell me that I have great legs and I tell them that you would too, had you been going for runs regularly for 25 years. I have been running since I was 15 and I still wear the same jeans size since I was in my 20s,” she says. [instagram]https://www.instagram.com/p/By-wFmsJtPm/?utm_source=ig_embed&utm_campaign=loading[/instagram] Now at 40, the actor continues to stick to her health regimen, which *surprise* is not exactly rocket science. As she puts it – Your 10th std biology textbook told you all you needed to know about fitness and you ignored it. “You just have to make a choice and ask yourself - Do you want to fit into size 26 jeans that you were wearing in your 20s? Or are you okay with putting on a kilo every passing year?” she says. So, if you made your choice. Read on to know her fitness mantra that help you crack the *The Secret* (Hint: Biology textbook): Rule #1: Your body is a machine. Treat it like that “Call it a plane or a car, but the body is a machine with a fixed fuel capacity (aka food) that you cannot exceed. Secondly, your body, the machine, can only take a certain type of fuel – this just means nutritious, non-packaged food rather than junk food,” says Gul. And how exactly do you learn to drive this machine? Well, calculate your BMR (Basal Metabolic Rate). “BMR is the rate at which your body needs fuel for the body organs to function. It’s even available online and anybody can calculate it. For instance, at my age, my BMR is 1300 calories. Now, I don’t like counting calories but this is just to give you an idea about what you are eating,” says Gul. Rule #2: Do not get into an abusive relationship with food “Exercising does not make your food consumption infinite. If you run 10 km/hour you will only burn about 500 calories that is equivalent to 2 beers and one brownie. So, to say that I exercise and I can eat whatever I want is the biggest misnomer,” says Gul. Ouch! There go your weekend-plans. The key, as Gul says, is to ensure that 95 per cent of your diet is nutritious and rest of the 5 per cent can be ‘kachra’ or junk food. “I eat dal, rice, roti, sabzi, chicken and everything. That’s a balanced diet. I do indulge but I maintain 95% of my body fuel as nutrition and avoid packaged or processed food. I don’t do fad diets because I believe the body needs carbohydrates, protein, minerals and even fat,” she says. She adds, “We have unhealthy relationships with food. We eat when we are sad, stressed, happy or angry. Food is nutrition and that is the primary role. If you understand that you will never have a weight problem.” Rule #3: Just move   [instagram]https://www.instagram.com/p/BrFt0ZRnjth/?utm_source=ig_embed&utm_campaign=loading[/instagram] Tabata, cycling, sprinting or just hitting the gym – make sure to have an active lifestyle. Just move! She may have been running since 15, but there is not a fitness move that Gul has not tried out. “I do Tabata, HIIT, yoga or if I don’t have time, I do 100 Surya Namaskars in my hotel room. If it’s raining in Mumbai and I can’t go for my run, I’ll go up and down eleven floors in my building ten times. I innovate, I don’t look for excuses, I look for solutions,” she says. Interestingly, Surya Namaskar is also the OG of all fitness moves, especially if you can manage it a hundred times a day (Yes, that’s what Gul said). “Ideally, your fitness regimen should combine strength, flexibility and endurance. Strength comes from resistance exercises such as push-ups or squats using your body weight, for flexibility, there is Yoga or Pilates and endurance comes from running or cardio,” she says. BRB, see you on the other side of 100 Surya Namaskar! "},"isSSR":false,"ttl":1582390937646},"https://www.cosmopolitan.in/api/menu/":[{"key":"9f4a441f-5d6b-4b68-a684-c9f8168c03a2","title":"Beauty","path":"/beauty","uri":"","alias":"","external":false,"absolute":"","weight":"0","expanded":false,"enabled":true,"uuid":"","options":[],"meta_title":"Beauty","meta_description":"","meta_keyword":""},{"key":"527eea31-5a53-4f8a-849e-ef18dbbdec00","title":"Celebrity","path":"/celebrity","uri":"","alias":"","external":false,"absolute":"","weight":"0","expanded":false,"enabled":true,"uuid":"","options":[],"meta_title":"Celebrity","meta_description":"","meta_keyword":""},{"key":"5d1004a4-3fc4-45f3-904b-9208acc30f1a","title":"Fashion","path":"/fashion","uri":"","alias":"","external":false,"absolute":"","weight":"0","expanded":false,"enabled":true,"uuid":"","options":[],"meta_title":"Fashion","meta_description":"","meta_keyword":""},{"key":"91db078b-4663-4795-80fd-42eccce02561","title":"Life","path":"/life","uri":"","alias":"","external":false,"absolute":"","weight":"0","expanded":false,"enabled":true,"uuid":"","options":[],"meta_title":"Life","meta_description":"","meta_keyword":""},{"key":"5aaab124-5d5f-4d0f-ac04-d4b74bdd4f14","title":"Relationships","path":"/relationships","uri":"","alias":"","external":false,"absolute":"","weight":"0","expanded":false,"enabled":true,"uuid":"","options":[],"meta_title":"Relationships","meta_description":"","meta_keyword":""}],"https://www.cosmopolitan.in/api/category/life":{"status":200,"response":[{"nid":"19605","title":"The 'No New Friends' Quiz You Need to Take to Find Out Your Real Squad ","field_dek":"","modified":"2020-02-18 11:44:23","status":"1","field_full_dek":"1. You have a hangover and need carbs, stat. Plan of attack?\r\n\r\n a. Max out your data plan with group-chat brunch GIFs, then wait two hours for a table for 20.\r\n\r\n b. Head to your standing res, and shun anyone who shows up with a random plus-one. \r\n\r\n c. Order in. Instructions: bring it directly to bed.\r\n\r\n \r\n\r\n2. You find a funny Insta meme to ‘tag your -besties’ in, so you:\r\n\r\n a. Tag your top 40, then brace for a tidal wave of notifications.\r\n\r\n b. Save it to your secret #SquadGoals Pinterest board.\r\n\r\n c. Comment #FollowBack with your dog’s personal account handle. \r\n\r\n \r\n\r\n3. You be up in the club like:\r\n\r\n a. A pride of lions herded around the DJ booth, monopolising the dance floor.\r\n\r\n b. Huddled into a human Bermuda Triangle—no one gets in, no one gets out.\r\n\r\n c. Perhaps by club, you mean couch where I’m currently swaddled in my faux-fur blanket and memory-foam body pillow...\r\n\r\n \r\n\r\n4. Groupon has a deal on flights to Bali and you have spare vacay days, so you:\r\n\r\n a. Book the world’s biggest Airbnb treehouse. \r\n\r\n b. Print your ’ship name on tees for when you form a beer-pong team at the airport bar. \r\n\r\n c. Buy one ticket to a jungle yoga retreat. Monkeys > people.\r\n\r\n \r\n\r\n5. GNO karaoke means:\r\n\r\n a. Twerking in a conga line to Sorry—just like Bieber’s viral video dance crew.\r\n\r\n b. Choreographed side-eye to anyone who tries to join in on Bad Blood.\r\n\r\n c. Making a three-part Dubsmash compilation of Sex And The City’s best dialogues in the corner.\r\n\r\n \r\n\r\nThe breakdown\r\n\r\nMostly As\r\n\r\nMaxed Out\r\n\r\nYou roll deep (read: cavernous). Plus, your massive crew is a package deal. The ultimate betrayal? Inviting only one of the Nehas to boozy brunch. A big group can make for an epic party, but it’s okay to pair off once in a while. Just don’t be shady—full disclosure is the way to go.  \r\n\r\n \r\n\r\nMostly Bs\r\nSquad Obsessed\r\n\r\nYour girl gang seems in sync.\r\nThey know everything, even the regularity of your loo trips. You have the number down to a science, and ain’t nobody messing with your clique. Caution: don’t put all your eggs in one basket. Show some love to friends on the fringe. You might realise they’re inner-circle material.  \r\n\r\n \r\n\r\nMostly Cs\r\nHappy Solos\r\n\r\nWe’ve all been there, sitting in a groutfit covered in crumbs. Everyone needs an occasional break from girl time, but blowing off your friends too often may be putting you in a rut. Swap your sweats for your big-girl pants, and make plans that involve less Netflix and more chilling IRL. \r\n\r\n \r\n","type":"story","field_meta_title":null,"field_meta_description":"Cosmopolitan, Cosmopolitan india, Cosmopolitan magazine, Cosmo, Girl gang, Squad, Squad quiz, ","field_meta_keyword":"Cosmopolitan, Cosmopolitan india, Cosmopolitan magazine, Cosmo, Girl gang, Squad, Squad quiz, ","image":"https://akm-img-a-in.tosshub.com/sites/cosmo/sites/default/files/2020-02/114_Quiz_RR-1.jpg?YagRdYn92wPm789cxWxvAIkR_LiXXCVM","field_editory_by":null,"path":"/life/q/a19605/no-new-friends-quiz-you-need-take-find-out-your-real-squad","created":"22 February 2020 ","time_created":"2020-02-22T13:00:00+05:30","field_section":"Life","field_section_url":"/life","field_content_type":"Q & A","notes":null,"notes_syn":null,"userData_node":null,"userData":null,"field_first_name":null,"authorpath":null,"userPicUrl":null},{"nid":"19594","title":"Uh-Oh! How the Hell Did Google Know That About Me?! ","field_dek":"Stalking, spying, and stealing contacts. Enter the scary world of online marketing that lets Google know that your dress is so last-season!\r\n","modified":"2020-02-22 06:30:01","status":"1","field_full_dek":" \r\n\r\nA few weeks ago, I went looking for a new pair of jeans online. After browsing a few sites, I couldn’t make up my mind and gave up. So far, so indecisive. But then a funny thing happened. Over the next week, I started to notice online ads for that exact pair of jeans everywhere—when I read the news, as I scrolled through blogs... even while shopping on other websites. I didn’t need more temptation to shop, but what could I do? Stalker-ish Internet ads are more ubiquitous than Miley Cyrus meme. Still if, like me, you’re starting to wonder if anything is private anymore, read on to find out exactly how you can stop leaving your electronic footprint all over the web.\r\n\r\n \r\n\r\nThe how and the why\r\n\r\nDo you know the square or banner adverts that sit at the top of every webpage? It’s accurate to say that they know you. Commonly known as targeting or remarketing ads, “they target your interests based on your web history and network activity,” explains Dali Kaafar, Principal Researcher and Research Leader at IT research centre NICTA, Australia. But how exactly do they work? Well, there are a few different methods, yet most commonly they use cookies to collect your data. Cookies, are small, unique files that are saved to your computer whenever you visit a website—they help that site recognise you if you’ve been there before. But often these cookies stay on your computer, tracking you long after you’ve left the site. Then, clever advertising networks use that information to try to figure out exactly the sort of adverts that are likely to appeal to you. And they are everywhere, too. “It’s estimated there are around 15 to 20 different entities tracking you per page for every popular website you visit,” says Kaafar. Creepy, huh?\r\n\r\n \r\n\r\nDefence mechanisms\r\n\r\nJust ask Kiran*, 29. After deciding to start a family, she noticed her research had created a hotbed of online ads for fertility clinics in her local area. While tracking doesn’t bother her when she’s researching, say, holiday destinations, “the fact that details of my searching are actually tracked and sold bothers me for personal things,” she says. Thankfully, for people like Kiran, it is possible to tone down the tracking. “Turning off third party cookies in your browser does limit some of the external trackings,” reveals Nick Savvides, senior principal systems engineer at Symantec. He also suggests enabling the ‘do not track’ mode in your browser’s privacy settings, or opening up a new window in private browsing mode (incognito mode for Chrome) for extra secrecy. And if you find all adverts annoying? Download an ad-blocking tool such as NoScript, Ghostery or BetterPrivacy. If you are super-paranoid about data collection, it’s possible to hide your IP address (an identification number given to your computer or device by your Internet service provider) with software such as TOR, which allows you to surf anonymously. But don’t be too worried. “There is some ability to track [through your IP address], but there isn’t that much valuable information a marketer can take from it,” says Savvides. In fact, the most effective method of cutting out tracking is also the simplest: clearing your history after each surfing session and deleting any cookies.\r\n\r\n \r\n\r\nThe other kind of FB stalking\r\n\r\nNow for the bad news: while it may be possible to fool Google, Facebook is a trickier beast. Nikita*, 27, found this out the hard way when her status changed from ‘in a relationship’ to ‘single’ last year. “When dating websites started to appear, I found it quite offensive and somewhat degrading,” she says. “I can’t even go on Facebook without being reminded that I’m single!” Unfortunately, there isn’t a whole lot you can do to stop the adverts. “The terms and conditions for social media ask you to hand over access to your information as a trade for accessing their platforms,” says Savvides. Kaafar adds, “Facebook is probably abusing this, but this is their business model—and people agreed to be on it.”\r\n\r\nDon’t despair, though. There are encrypting tools in development, such as the Android app Yahut, which will potentially allow you to share data on social media privately. In the meantime, keeping a regular eye on your social media privacy settings is a wise move, as is disabling any Facebook apps that you no longer use.\r\n\r\n \r\n\r\nSmartphone? Smart tracking\r\n\r\nThe humble smartphone app is another advertising trap to be wary of. “A big problem with mobile phones is the over-privileged of apps—they often ask for more data than they actually need,” warns Kaafar. So be sure to check your phone’s privacy settings for any access to your personal data that’s unnecessary. “A photo app shouldn’t have access to your microphone, for example,” explains Savvides. Lastly, be mindful of allowing apps access to your contact list—it’s an easy way for companies to find new people to add to their directories. Hello there, irritating marketing calls. And if all else fails? You may just need to accept we live in an advertising-driven world. We may not always like them, but those targeted ads can have their benefits. If it wasn’t for that promo e-mail, I might not have scored those jeans at 20 per cent off... Oops! \r\n","type":"story","field_meta_title":null,"field_meta_description":null,"field_meta_keyword":"Cosmopolita, cosmo, cosmo india, cosmopolitan india, cosmopolitan magazine, google, google search, how did google find me, is google stalking me, ","image":"https://akm-img-a-in.tosshub.com/sites/cosmo/sites/default/files/2020-02/ArtisticTatteredAnophelesmosquito-size_restricted.gif?dFQFpJi8KD2yg0g4sfBzpxoSsi5q862H","field_editory_by":null,"path":"/life/features/a19594/uh-oh-how-hell-did-google-know-about-me","created":"22 February 2020 ","time_created":"2020-02-22T12:00:00+05:30","field_section":"Life","field_section_url":"/life","field_content_type":"Features","notes":null,"notes_syn":null,"userData_node":null,"userData":null,"field_first_name":null,"authorpath":null,"userPicUrl":null},{"nid":"19598","title":"PSA: Being Ambitious is a Good Thing!","field_dek":"Why is it so hard to say ‘I’m ambitious’, without apologies? We find out exactly what women want in their careers, and what’s stopping them from getting it. \r\n\r\n \r\n","modified":"2020-02-21 07:30:02","status":"1","field_full_dek":"There’s something about the word ‘ambitious’ that’s always had this negative undertone to it—club that general disdain with a woman having this particular quality? The stereotype that springs forth is a Type-A, work-addict, super-b*tch. Being the right amount of ambitious is a dangerous game, and women often feel the pressure from both ends of the spectrum. The sad thing is, ambition is paramount to a successful career—how are you likely to get to the top if you don’t have the drive to do it?  It’s ambition, will, and determination that lets you rise to the top—the position over 90 percent of all women under 30 want (according to a survey we conducted on Cosmopolitan.in). We spoke to a series of the women taking this survey and found out that they looked on the idea of running or managing something—be it anything from a law firm to a bakery—as extremely exciting, and a challenge they were truly up for. A similar survey from\r\nLeanIn.org and McKinsey and Company studied these trends in detail to better understand women’s career goals and motivation. Some see a big job as the payoff they deserve (‘I didn’t work this hard for nothing.’), others as the best way to make a difference (‘I like helping people achieve.’) and more still as having a voice in strategy. (‘When you’re not really calling the shots, you don’t really have a say in what gets done.’)  \r\n\r\n \r\n\r\n“The journey to the top excites me. I take every opportunity as a chance to grow, and I love having a big goal,” says Deepti Talwar, a 26-year old copywriter at an advertising firm. “I do not believe becoming a top executive is a goal for everyone. However, that is the choice we as women should get to make.” Not that our hang-ups have suddenly gone away. Women under 30 remain significantly less ambitious for the top spot than men are, the new survey finds. And although women and men begin their careers with equal aspirations, at each subsequent level, men are more interested in being promoted. This ambivalence persists for good reason. As Sheryl Sandberg—Facebook COO, Co-Founder of LeanIn.org, and Cosmo US Contributing Careers Editor—has documented, studies consistently show that aggressive women are less liked at work and that they are less likely to move up as a result. “As a woman, I feel like I am expected to be more complacent with my career and less competitive,” says Gauri Sen, a 24-year old Editorial Assistant. “I struggle to find a balance between being feminine and ambitious in an office. I want to be respected and strong, not just fun and nice.” No-one wants to ‘lean in’ to being unlikable. Workplace policies—unequal pay, inflexible hours, paltry paid leave—haven’t evolved to accommodate women’s changing ambitions either, as the American Association of University Women has tracked. Even at companies that offer flexibility programmes and many of the employers in the LeanIn.org survey do— women and men tend not to take advantage. There’s a perception it would hurt them at work. Paternity leave is offered at 44 percent of the companies surveyed, but only 1 percent of men with children under 18 participated in the last three years.  When flexibility feels like a non-option, big ambitions seem more daunting. “My hard-working parents always struggled with work-life balance, and sometimes, it felt like the balance was not in my favour,” says Laetitia, a 23-year-old law intern in New Delhi. “I definitely think it would be tough to be in that demanding executive position.” Being in charge seems exhausting whether or not you have a family. Stress and pressure is the number-one reason women say they wouldn’t want to pursue an executive role. What’s not said enough is that the top is where you can potentially control your schedule the most, and enact change for other workers too. So, it’s disappointing that women are under-represented at every level in the corporate pipeline.  India, specifically, has the worst gender gap in the world when it comes to working women. Due to safety concerns, even educated, qualified women don’t work. In urban cities and sectors, few women make it to the top of the ladder. \r\n\r\n \r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n \r\n\r\n1. What is your greatest ambition?\r\n\r\n \r\n\r\n“To do something that inspires me—but also to be able to let my personal life and relationships grow alongside it.” —Rhea T., 27\r\n \r\n\r\n“To be the best at what I do—hands down.”  —RIMA S., 25\r\n \r\n\r\n“To have a job that lets me work at my pace, in my style, and doesn’t usurp all my time.” —vinita a., 25\r\n \r\n\r\n“To be able to be great at my job—and still manage to be a good wife and mother.” —raina d., 26\r\n\r\n \r\n\r\n“To be utterly indispensable to my agency.” —Shriya S., 30\r\n\r\n \r\n\r\n“For our organisation to become a forerunner in our field.” —sneha I., 28\r\n\r\n \r\n\r\n“To be an example that a woman can most certainly rise to the top.” —Devyani J., 26\r\n\r\n \r\n\r\nTo be at a point in my career where no one questions my intelligence.” —Farah Z., 28\r\n\r\n \r\n\r\n \r\n\r\n1. Would You Like to be Promoted from Your Current Position?  \r\n\r\n \r\n\r\n“Absolutely! I take my job very seriously and I put in more hours than I need to because my goal is to hit the top by the time I’m 35. I also feel no need to apologise for it.”    —priyanka c. 29, marketing manager\r\n\r\n \r\n\r\n“My career matters a lot—but not enough for me to go crazy and stop caring about everything else in my life. I need a balance—but I’m still trying to find it.”   —Deepti t., 26, senior copywriter\r\n\r\n \r\n\r\n“I’m not the kind of person who’s obsessed with getting to the top—it’s more important for me to have variety in what I do. That’s why I’d give up a well-paying position for a more interesting job that may pay less.” —Aashna H., 28, graphic designer\r\n \r\n\r\n \r\n\r\n2. Do You Aspire to be a Top Executive in Your Field? \r\n\r\n \r\n\r\n“I see myself managing a major record label someday—and this job gives me the opportunity to familiarise myself with music and what works for audiences in a way that being at a label from the start would never have let me do.”\r\n                         —Saira k., 24,Disc Jockey\r\n\r\n \r\n\r\n“I’ve been in the same organisation for six years, and been promoted every year. I’m certain I will be again.” — diya J., 30, division head, sales\r\n\r\n \r\n\r\n“I don’t want to be CEO tomorrow, but I definitely need there to be steady growth—and to be rewarded for the work I put in.” — Mehtab P., 27, pr executive\r\n\r\n \r\n\r\n3. Why Wouldn’t You Be Interested in Being a Top Executive? \r\n\r\n \r\n\r\nStress and Pressure “It’s more important to me to have a certain quality of life than to be number-one ‘whatever’—I wouldn’t sacrifice that for a promotion.” —Keerti K., 26, event planner\r\n\r\n \r\n\r\nTip from the top “I always left the office at 5pm to go to yoga class, and then I’d go home and check my e-mail for an hour,” says Anne Kreamer, author of Risk/Reward. “You need to get your work done, but if you are working all the time, you get brittle. Find your yoga, baking or hiking, whatever it is that gives you inner fortitude.”\r\n\r\n \r\n\r\n Balancing Family and Work “I’ve always grown up wanting a family and a good work life—so my ideal job would be something that made space for that part of my life, when it happens.”—Abhaya S., 21, law student\r\n\r\n \r\n\r\nTip from the top Just because you aren’t crushing it at work for a couple of years doesn’t mean you aren’t ambitious. Life happens. “The important thing is not to scale back ambitions in anticipation of conflicts that don’t yet exist,” Sandberg says. “Anyone who is lucky enough to have options should keep them open for as long as possible.”\r\n\r\n \r\n\r\nI’m Not Interested “As long as I’m paid enough to live comfortably and derive a great sense of satisfaction from my job, I don’t need a fancy designation to keep my juices flowing.”—Gauri s., 24, editorial assistant\r\n\r\n\r\n“I’m more of a do-your-own-thing kind of girl than a corporate stooge.”—Hansika M., 29, stylist\r\n\r\n \r\n\r\n I Don’t Think I’d Succeed “Just because I’m good at my job doesn’t necessarily mean I’m cut out for top-level management. I don’t see the need to try for something I’m doubtful about my skills at, and then fail.” \r\n\r\n—Sarika g., 27, social media analyst\r\n\r\n \r\n\r\n Tip from the top “To make sure the fear of failing doesn’t stop me, I over-prepare to ensure I know my stuff cold,” says Tai Wingfield, SVP at the Centre for Talent Innovation and co-author of CTI study Black Women: Ready to Lead. “Command your subject and you’ll command the room.”\r\n\r\n \r\n\r\n4. Going Forward, Do You Think Being a Woman Will Make It Harder or Easier for You to Advance in Your Career? No Effect\r\n\r\n \r\n\r\n“Luckily, I work at the kind of company that only really gives a sh*t about what kind of work I’m doing—my gender has absolutely no bearing in the matter.”  —Devyani J., 26, interior architect\r\n\r\n \r\n\r\nWe live in an era where equality of the genders is pretty high up on the priority list—I think people would think twice now before passing me up for promotion just because I’m a woman.” — Farah Z., 28, personal banker\r\n\r\n \r\n\r\n5. Why Would Being a Woman Make Advancement Harder?\r\n\r\n \r\n\r\nMy Industry is Still Male Dominated “There are tonnes of great women in advertising, but it still happens to be a bit of a boy’s club. It’s not like I’m looked down on because I’m a woman at a senior level in the industry, but they're just aren’t too many of us around —Shriya S., 30, Creative director\r\n\r\n \r\n\r\n“Being a female lawyer in this country is still a hard feat—you don’t get taken too seriously in court, and even clients don’t trust you quite as much as they trust your male counterparts. It adds to the challenge, though.” —Laetitia d., 23, law intern\r\n\r\nBeing a female bartender is not as cute as it looks in the films—just try and remember how many you’ve seen around!” —Shamaila k., 24, mixologist\r\n\r\n \r\n\r\nTip from the top The people who advise you don’t have to look like you. “Find a male sponsor!” says Kiersten Salander, Deputy Chief of Staff to the Chairman at Bloomberg, LP. “Look for someone who you feel comfortable going to for help over and over.”\r\n\r\nFamily Commitments Will Make it Hard\r\n\r\n \r\n\r\n“I don’t have kids right now, so it’s fairly easy for me to put in the time and mental energy that my job requires. However, I am definitely a little worried about what will happen when I have a family, and whether my career will suffer because of it.” \r\n\r\n—stuti j., 23, medical intern\r\n\r\n\r\n“I’m very dedicated to my work, and my idea of a perfect life has never really included children. I would like to have a healthy marriage, but I don’t see kids getting in the way of my job.” —Tarini U., 24, commissioning editor\r\n\r\n \r\n\r\nSociety is biased\r\n\r\n \r\n\r\n“Things are a lot better now than they used to be for women, I’m sure. Regardless, it often becomes a task to prove you can take on as much as a man can. If you’re gentler with people, they assume you’re soft ‘because you’re a woman’. If you’re tough, people are quick to label you a b*tch, which they might not do if it was a man in question.”  —Tamanna p., 28, financial analyst\r\n\r\n \r\n\r\n“People at the company I work for have been mostly unbiased, but ever so often I do see people being a little dubious about giving a married woman or a woman with kids responsibilities because they wonder if she can handle it all.”—Deepika L., 26, clinical psychologist\r\n\r\n \r\n\r\n“On the contrary, I work for an all-woman organisation, and we function fantastically—we’re not looked at any differently from our male-led counterpart companies.”—Sneha I., 28, Digital advertising exec.\r\n\r\n \r\n\r\nTip from the top Women can be saddled with ‘office housework’ and less glam projects. “If you’re picking up balls others have dropped, let them drop, and let someone else fix it,” says Lasso Bock, SVP of People Operations at Google. “This may feel worse for women. But if you’re working on something that isn’t valued, you’re wasting your time.”\r\n","type":"story","field_meta_title":null,"field_meta_description":"Cosmopolitan, cosmopolitan india, cosmopolitan magazine, cosmo, ambitious woman, female, career-oriented, is being ambitious wrong, ambition for woman, ambitious women ","field_meta_keyword":"Cosmopolitan, cosmopolitan india, cosmopolitan magazine, cosmo, ambitious woman, female, career-oriented, is being ambitious wrong, ambition for woman, ambitious women ","image":"https://akm-img-a-in.tosshub.com/sites/cosmo/sites/default/files/2020-02/Screen%20Shot%202020-02-18%20at%2012.35.52%20pm.png?YXRaVfiNQ_Ihqkr1uzzL3Dy07vRKAZuR","field_editory_by":null,"path":"/life/features/a19598/psa-being-ambitious-good-thing","created":"21 February 2020 ","time_created":"2020-02-21T13:00:00+05:30","field_section":"Life","field_section_url":"/life","field_content_type":"Features","notes":null,"notes_syn":null,"userData_node":null,"userData":null,"field_first_name":null,"authorpath":null,"userPicUrl":null},{"nid":"19599","title":"Here's What You Should Do If One of Your Friends Breaks the Girl Code ","field_dek":"That old saying says we’re made of sugar, spice, and everything nice—but just like everything else, there's a dark side to Girl World.\r\n\r\n \r\n","modified":"2020-02-21 07:00:02","status":"1","field_full_dek":"You’ve heard this too many times. A supposedly tight-knit squad has a GNO and they end up meeting a couple of cute guys. Flirty conversations are kicked off, and numbers are given out. It all seems harmless enough until it’s discovered that the Girl Code has been broken. What’s worse is finding out that a trusted friend has been asking your man out for dimly lit dinners, or that your chica has been making out with your ex of five years behind your back. Makes you question that unwritten, unspoken, but universally practiced set of rules we call The Girl Code. What we tend to forget, however, is that they aren’t just crimes against womanity—they’re just examples of someone being a not-so-great person. “I wouldn’t classify it as a girl thing or a guy thing,” says counsellor and coach Suzy Roxas of talktosuzyroxas.com. “It’s human behaviour. It happens across cultures, ages, gender.” To define backstabbing, cheating, lying, and simperingly sweet fakeness as exclusively female behaviour, then, would be unfair to both men and women because, given just the right reasons, we are all capable of these truly judge-worthy actions. What could be the catalyst? More often than not, the reason is competition, plain, and simple. “When someone wants something you have, they can behave in various ways to gain what belongs to you,” says Roxas, adding that reasons could be anything from the attention and affection of a man to professional success and possessions. So what’s a girl got to do when she realises she’s joined The Plastics? “Evaluate whether you really had a friendship,” recommends Roxas. “If you feel you did or do have a genuine friendship, figure out if things unravelled because of a different interpretation of events, whether you value things differently, or because of a simple misunderstanding. A sincere dialogue between two parties with the objective of understanding each other will bring better results than the goal of winning the argument.” While girl-on-girl crime, especially when it’s done because of a man, can deeply damage a relationship, getting to the heart of the matter is as important as keeping your cool. If, after discussing things maturely, like the adults that you are, you feel that competition, tearing each other down, and hidden agendas are your group’s MO, maybe it might be time to step away from the train-wreck. At the end of the day, your girls should have your back, not stab you in it.\r\n\r\n \r\n\r\nHere are a couple of things the greatest girlfriends know they should never, ever do!\r\n\r\n \r\n\r\n1. Date Your Friend’s EX Just...don’t.\r\n\r\n \r\n\r\n2. Go after a guy your girlfriend is eyeing No bro is that cute.\r\n\r\n \r\n\r\n3. Ditch your friends for a dude Would he ditch his boys for you? Don’t think so.\r\n\r\n \r\n\r\n4. Lie. in general That includes whether a guy is a creep!\r\n\r\n \r\n\r\n5. Put Down Another Girl To Make Yourself Look Better The truth will come out, and it will make you look worse than when you started.\r\n\r\n \r\n\r\n6. Tag bad pictures on purpose There’s a special circle in hell for people who do this.\r\n","type":"story","field_meta_title":null,"field_meta_description":"cosmopolitan, cosmopolitan india, cosmopolitan magazine, cosmo, girl gang, girl code, squad, girl squad, female friendship, female bond, friends, girl code, don't break the girl code ","field_meta_keyword":"cosmopolitan, cosmopolitan india, cosmopolitan magazine, cosmo, girl gang, girl code, squad, girl squad, female friendship, female bond, friends, girl code, don't break the girl code ","image":"https://akm-img-a-in.tosshub.com/sites/cosmo/sites/default/files/2020-02/Screen%20Shot%202020-02-19%20at%201.18.03%20pm.png?Owo7wdUURHgdcf.cF2L_B6F9qaVeeGWw","field_editory_by":null,"path":"/life/features/a19599/heres-what-you-should-do-if-one-your-friends-breaks-girl-code","created":"21 February 2020 ","time_created":"2020-02-21T12:30:00+05:30","field_section":"Life","field_section_url":"/life","field_content_type":"Features","notes":null,"notes_syn":null,"userData_node":null,"userData":null,"field_first_name":null,"authorpath":null,"userPicUrl":null},{"nid":"19600","title":"8 Clever Money Hacks You *Need* to Know ","field_dek":" Cosmo Australia’s financial columnist and CEO of LearnVest, Alexa von Tobel, tells us when to go big and when to save.\r\n\r\n \r\n","modified":"2020-02-21 06:30:02","status":"1","field_full_dek":"1. Splurge On Your Haircut: For something you’re in 24-7-365, like your hair, spending a lot is worth it. Think of it in terms of cost per wear... Ditto for eyeglasses and jeans.\r\n\r\n \r\n\r\n2. Splurge On Phone Chargers: Best-case scenario with a cheap phone charger is that it takes forever to power up your phone. Worst-case: it damages or fries it—they tend to be poorly made.\r\n\r\n \r\n\r\n3. Save on...Trendy Stuff: Speaking of costs per wear, crunch the numbers before you shell out the big bucks for psychedelic-print pants and neoprene anything. If it’ll have a short shelf life, get it at Jabong or ASOS.\r\n\r\n \r\n\r\n4. Save on...Fitness bands: You don’t really need a high-tech fitness tracker to monitor your distance and calorie loss. As Sunalini Mathew, Deputy Editor Reader’s Digest, tells us, a free app (like MyFitnessPal and Noom Coach) does the job just as well.\r\n\r\n \r\n\r\n5. Splurge On Health Insurance: Budget insurance may seem like a good deal because of low monthly premiums, but you’ll pay a higher deductible before insurance chips in. Don’t settle for a bronze plan if you can afford a gold one. \r\n\r\n \r\n\r\n6. Splurge On Your Mattress: You sleep on it every single night. Enough said!\r\n\r\n \r\n\r\n7. Save on...Scripts: Ask the pharmacist for cheaper, generic brands instead of fancy, imported versions—especially when you’re buying vitamins.\r\n\r\n \r\n\r\n8. Save on...Your car: New cars lose an estimated 20 percent of their value as soon as you drive them. Buy a used one that’s less than three years old (vehicle warranties tend to expire after that).\r\n\r\n \r\n\r\n \r\n\r\nCosmo Girls Offer More Tips...\r\n \r\n\r\nShruti Rai Choudhary, 28\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\nSave On : Eating out, Movies, Shoes\r\n\r\nSplurge On : Vacations, Clothes, Make-up\r\n\r\n \r\n\r\nBhavyaa Chopra, 22\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\nSave On : Clothes, Shoes, Food\r\n\r\nSplurge On : Make-up, Fragrances, Accessories\r\n\r\n \r\n\r\nSakshi Kedia, 23\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\nSave On : Clothes, Bags, Fragrances\r\n\r\nSplurge On : Lingerie, Shoes, Make-up\r\n","type":"story","field_meta_title":null,"field_meta_description":"Cosmopolitan, Cosmopolitan india, Cosmopolitan magazine, cosmo, money saving tips, money hacks, how to save money, what products should i spend my money on, splurge and save, what you should spend on, how to save money, when to spend money, tips to save money, money tricks, money tips , smart money hacks ","field_meta_keyword":"Cosmopolitan, Cosmopolitan india, Cosmopolitan magazine, cosmo, money saving tips, money hacks, how to save money, what products should i spend my money on, splurge and save, what you should spend on, how to save money, when to spend money, tips to save money, money tricks, money tips , smart money hacks ","image":"https://akm-img-a-in.tosshub.com/sites/cosmo/sites/default/files/2020-02/Screen%20Shot%202020-02-18%20at%2012.24.17%20pm.png?vi2VQStW5DcBhEFYLfrfxjKLnr2RvK.W","field_editory_by":null,"path":"/life/features/a19600/8-clever-money-hacks-you-need-know","created":"21 February 2020 ","time_created":"2020-02-21T12:00:00+05:30","field_section":"Life","field_section_url":"/life","field_content_type":"Features","notes":null,"notes_syn":null,"userData_node":null,"userData":null,"field_first_name":null,"authorpath":null,"userPicUrl":null},{"nid":"19645","title":"Trust Me, Your Likes Don't Define You ","field_dek":"Cosmo’s Mel Evans discovers the hidden dangers of social validation. \r\n","modified":"2020-02-21 06:30:02","status":"1","field_full_dek":"People who hit like several times a day - 52 percent born in the ’90s, 45 percent born in the ’80s, 24 percent baby boomers. \r\n\r\nSo how many likes did you get yesterday? I got 81 *swishes hair*. It was a shot of graffiti, and my most-liked Instagram post so far. Go figure. And damn, it feels good. You see, even though I’m not an ‘influencer’ or even someone with a brag-worthy number of followers, I crave the feeling that little love heart or thumbs-up brings when I refresh my feed.  \r\n\r\nBut it’s killing my vibe. And I’m far from alone: social validation is here to wrap your sense of self, in your phone and in your home. Fact: 52 percent of those who are making the Likes rain on social media are born in the ’90s, and 45 percent in the ’80s. I’m going to guess you’re one of those; I definitely am. And curating the perfect feed is hampering my efforts at being a functioning adult. Finding the exact right degree of contrast on a photo or editing a Facebook post multiple times if it doesn’t hit the right balance of wit, charm, and pizzazz I thought it did 60 minutes prior is now my life. As a writer, coming up with the perfect caption could determine whether I post a beautiful image at all, and I’ll think nothing of deleting an Instagram post altogether if I don’t get more than 10 Likes. It’s a cruel world, and I’m scrolling down the river without a paddle. \r\n\r\nThis psychological thirst for social validation ain’t new, that’s for sure. It’s always been around in one form or another, but the way it’s totally infiltrating our lives in the digital age is concerning. \r\n\r\n“We’ve always needed social approval; it’s hard-wired into our brains,” explains Melbourne-based clinical neuropsychologist Ash Nayate. “Once upon a time it was having a big house, the best car, and tonnes of great shoes. Now it’s changed and evolved to be through social media. If we put a cute picture of ourselves online, it’s going to get a lot of Likes. It’s immediate in how it triggers the reward pathways in our brain. Much the same way as food, chocolate or a text message from the person you’ve had your eye on does.”\r\n\r\nHowever, unlike the cute text you could be waiting days for, I can upload a pic right now (provided it’s post-worthy, of course) and in mere seconds I can be staring at a few Likes—dopamine achieved; endorphins riding high. Even as I type, my fingers slowly gravitate towards my phone, sitting on a pile of papers on my desk. Has someone new liked my most recent photo? Perhaps a friend has posted an ‘LOL’ on my Facebook comment. Nope. No notifications. Sad face emoji. I’ll check again in 10. \r\n\r\n“Because social media is at our fingertips and so immediate, we don’t have to rely on someone else to say nice things about us, as once was the case to achieve the same high,” Nayate says. Because who needs other people when you have your likes, right? Chumps.\r\n\r\nThe 2015 Sensis Social Media Report looked into people’s online habits and what they get up to on our social media accounts. What did they find? Exactly what you’d assume: we’re spending a sh*tload of time on these apps, looking for our next hit. It found we spend an average of eight and a half hours per week on Facebook, 45 percent of us log in as soon as we wake up and most update their accounts to keep their ‘finger on the pulse’. \r\n\r\nIn a study by authors Joseph Grenny and David Maxfield called Society’s New Addiction: Getting a ‘Like’ over Having a Life, 1,623 people were surveyed about their social media proclivities. Nearly 75 percent admitted to being rude or disconnected because they’re more focused on their phones. 91 percent have seen a tourist miss the enjoyment of a moment by trying to get it on social media—or even acknowledge doing the same thing themselves. Oh, I’ve been there (and I probably posted about it). \r\n\r\nRemember Essena O’Neill? The 19-year-old Sunshine Coast model who quit social media last year in a dramatic flurry of tears and media? She said it “ruined” her life and campaigned to change the perception we have of those popular social media accounts. “Everything I was doing was just edited and contrived to get more value and more views,” she explained in a 17-minute video declaring she was saying see-ya to social media. “If you don’t think [social media] is a business, you’re deluding yourself.” \r\n\r\nYou don’t need to be making money from the machine to earn the feel-good vibes, and the effect it has on real-world happiness is just as damaging. \r\n\r\n“Our key finding is that we enjoy these moments less when we’re focused on capturing them, rather than experiencing them,” said Grenny in his study. “Likes are a low-effort way to produce a feeling of social well-being that takes more effort to achieve in the real world. This study is a warning that we are beginning to value virtual pleasure hits more than authentic happiness.”\r\n\r\nIt becomes a constant need to activate these pleasure centers. You may have first created an account because your friends did, but what starts as a harmless post or two, fast turns into a slippery-slope of validation obsession. \r\n\r\n“The thing about a dopamine hit is that it’s very addictive,” says Nayate. “The more we get, the more we want. That’s why social media use can escalate really quickly—it might not even be something we’re conscious of.” \r\n\r\nThis social validation for the digital age is messing with the relationships big time. I can think of many a situation where I have ignored the person I’m with, be it a boyfriend or a housemate, in order to look for a #throwbackthursday (with the right mix of funny and cute) to post and wow my seven-hundred-and-something Instagram admirers. Oh, how annoying it was to feign interest in their story while at the same time encouraging my brain to nail the right hashtags to elicit Likes from randoms on the other side of the world. It’s like trying to think of a song while another plays in the background—my brain can only do so much, and often it chooses the mindless interactions of ‘social’ media over engaging in real-life, meaningful conversations with those closest to me—literally. Although I’m not proud,  I recognise it’s something I’ve got to work on. You know, to make sure I still have real-life pals this time\r\nnext year.  \r\n\r\n “Any form of online connection cannot replace a flesh-and-blood connection,” Nayate says, leaving me feeling like the worst friend in the world. “We become addicted to the rush of validation from someone else. Post something and you might get 100 or 1,000 people liking it, compared to a simple one-on-one conversation that might not be as rewarding for our neural pathways as getting those Likes. How can you say 1,000 random Likes are better than one from your best friend? Social media is taking away our ability to enjoy real-life interaction with our friends.”\r\n\r\nIn our quest for Likes, we are more connected, yet we are lonelier than ever. We long for the perfect #sunset photo to share across our networks, choosing instead to chase the picture rather than take it in. While our dinner goes cold and our partner sits alone (pissed off, no doubt), we’re filtering our food instead of tasting it. Consider that, if you will, as a wider metaphor. \r\n\r\nThink about it—how many concerts have you been to where your view of Your Favourite Band has been obscured by layers of smartphones, held aloft like weird, virtual cigarette lighters of an era past? Punters (myself included, I’ll admit) are more focused on creating the perfect Snapchat to elicit maximum FOMO than just enjoying the performance they’ve paid maximum dosh for. \r\n\r\n“We’re not enjoying things anymore,” says Nayate. “People talk about mindfulness and being present, and when we’re watching everything through our phones there is part of our mind thinking, ‘This is going to be a great shot!’”\r\n\r\nWhat’s the antidote? To\r\nrelax, says Nayate—but ideally not by scrolling through Instagram or plotting your next Facebook post. And with that advice in mind, I think it’s high time I ditched the phone, cared not for how many people are double-tapping my pics and just started looking at what’s going on around me. For as Ferris Bueller says: “Life moves pretty fast. If you don’t stop and look around once in a while, you could miss it.” What a great quote... I should Tweet that. \r\n","type":"story","field_meta_title":null,"field_meta_description":"You Are Not Your Likes, social media, negative impact of social media, social media problems, social media issues, problems with social media, social media problems, negative impact of social media, social media issues, you are not defined by your likes, instagram likes, how many likes should i get on instagram, how many likes make me popular, am i defined by my likes, social media negativity","field_meta_keyword":"You Are Not Your Likes, social media, negative impact of social media, social media problems, social media issues, problems with social media, social media problems, negative impact of social media, social media issues, you are not defined by your likes, instagram likes, how many likes should i get on instagram, how many likes make me popular, am i defined by my likes, social media negativity","image":"https://akm-img-a-in.tosshub.com/sites/cosmo/sites/default/files/2020-02/Untitled%20design%20%289%29_3.png?17sE5d4SKf25_Brjlga9nl9CXvYTaug7","field_editory_by":null,"path":"/life/features/a19645/trust-me-your-likes-dont-define-you","created":"21 February 2020 ","time_created":"2020-02-21T12:00:00+05:30","field_section":"Life","field_section_url":"/life","field_content_type":"Features","notes":null,"notes_syn":null,"userData_node":null,"userData":null,"field_first_name":null,"authorpath":null,"userPicUrl":null},{"nid":"19643","title":"5 Things you Should Never Put Down In an Email","field_dek":"Sure, it’s cathartic to take a deep breath and pen down your angst. But it can also be akin to some pret-ty major damage...\r\n\r\n \r\n","modified":"2020-02-20 11:38:51","status":"1","field_full_dek":"It’s quick, easy and, to be honest, lets you escape dreary small-talk and avoid some awkward real-life conversations. So you can’t be blamed for wanting to use ‘hit send’ as your main form of communication. But with the efficiency of our beloved e-mail comes some serious drawbacks. We seem to have forgotten the fact that everything we send can be re-read (over and over again), forwarded, printed out and basically shown to anyone, at any time. E-mails are far from fleeting and if you say the wrong thing, especially at the wrong time, it can haunt you for a good long while. These are the five times you should step away from the keyboard—pronto. \r\n\r\n1. ‘You’re Such a Jerk!’ \r\n\r\nTyping an e-mail with your fists, in a fit of rage is never a good idea. Anger increases our stress hormones, which decrease our ability to communicate well. Remember when we’d resolve arguments face-to-face? They actually got resolved in a quick and calm manner (99 percent of the time). When you are looking someone in the eye, you’re less likely to throw as many verbal punches. Enter the world of e-mail and we get a bit of digital courage, writing harmful things we often wouldn’t say out loud. Resist the urge to vent your frustration with a quick-fire e-mail, because it’s far harder to resolve a conflict once you’ve hit ‘send’. You can’t take back a heated rant (yes, it’ll be in cyberspace forever) and chances are it’ll just fire up your recipient and escalate the feud. Before you know it, the actual reason you’re fighting will get lost in the crossfire and a resolution will just drift further and further away. If you can’t meet face-to-face, pick up your phone and tell them why you’re feeling upset. They’re much more likely to respond with empathy to your actual voice. \r\n\r\n2. ‘You’re the Dirtiest Housemate Ever’\r\n\r\nJust as feuding via e-mail is a big no-no, so is criticising someone. We get a false sense of bravado behind the screen and say things we’d never have the courage to say in person. It’s always a daunting task to tell someone they’re doing something wrong, but there are some tactful ways to do it, and e-mail just isn’t ever going to be one of them. \r\n\r\nFor starters, your recipient can read what you wrote over and over again, and continue to feel hurt or even ashamed by it. They’ll pull every sentence apart and read into every little word and exclamation mark (we’ve all done it, and it’s exhausting). Chances are, they’ll also read it in a different tone to how it was meant and see it as a personal attack. Being honest is a very important part of any relationship so, by all means, go forth and speak the truth—to their face. Then you can ensure the other person hears your critique in the most positive way. If you speak in a polite and friendly way, without expressing any anger and hostility, they’re less likely to jump to the defence. It also gives them a chance to raise any other issues they may want to address with you. Because nobody’s perfect...\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n3. ‘I Can’t Make It Tonight’\r\n\r\nIf you have to cancel dinner plans, a date or any other commitment, making a call is a simple act of courtesy that shows you genuinely care about and have respect for the relationship. E-mailing them a wordy reason for why you need to cancel can also come across as a cop-out and a lie. Pick up the phone. \r\n\r\n4. ‘I’m Sorry’ \r\n\r\nAs we previously mentioned, nobody’s perfect, and you’re bound to stuff up plenty. But don’t dig yourself a deeper hole by e-mailing an apology. It’s the cowardly option. No one enjoys the awkwardness of a hard conversation, but it’s always best to face up to your mistakes. Saying sorry in person shows sincerity and humility that an e-apology seriously lacks. If you’re after forgiveness, you’re far more likely to get it face-to-face than in writing. \r\n\r\n5. ‘I Really Need an Answer Urgently’\r\n\r\nNothing’s more efficient than simply picking up the phone if you need something right this minute. It’s far harder for someone to ignore a ringing phone than an e-mail, which arrives in an inbox among dozens (or even hundreds) of other unread messages. Even if yours is read, it can easily be forgotten or put aside for later. On the phone, it’s also much harder for someone to avoid a question (no matter how tough) and you’ll get an immediate response even if it’s not necessarily the one you were hoping for.      \r\n","type":"story","field_meta_title":null,"field_meta_description":"5 things you should never put in an email, 5 email mistakes, cosmo india, cosmopolitan india, cosmoplitan.in, cosmo, cosmo magazine, cosmo online, email problems, dont put this down on email, how to write a formal email, how to write an email, how to write an email to my boss, 5 email mistakes, dont write this in an email ","field_meta_keyword":"5 things you should never put in an email, 5 email mistakes, cosmo india, cosmopolitan india, cosmoplitan.in, cosmo, cosmo magazine, cosmo online, email problems, dont put this down on email, how to write a formal email, how to write an email, how to write an email to my boss, 5 email mistakes, dont write this in an email ","image":"https://akm-img-a-in.tosshub.com/sites/cosmo/sites/default/files/2020-02/Untitled%20design%20%289%29_1.png?iHJcFI0wDk5qmJRbsaow917RNcFiBJmR","field_editory_by":null,"path":"/life/features/a19643/5-things-you-should-never-put-down-email","created":"20 February 2020 ","time_created":"2020-02-20T17:05:00+05:30","field_section":"Life","field_section_url":"/life","field_content_type":"Features","notes":null,"notes_syn":null,"userData_node":null,"userData":null,"field_first_name":null,"authorpath":null,"userPicUrl":null},{"nid":"19639","title":"Does She Deserve to Be Hated?","field_dek":"Islamophobia, especially towards young Islamic women, is on the rise. Tanya Gold goes undercover to find out why.\r\n","modified":"2020-02-20 06:30:02","status":"1","field_full_dek":"Here I am, walking through London, wearing my veil. I have seen devout Muslim women wear it and I am fascinated by it. I want to try to understand how they feel, to walk in their shoes. I have worn it for three days and on this last day, in the high street in Dagenham, East London, I feel genuinely afraid. People—women—are abusing me as I pass and laughing into their hands; if it were night, I would fear for my physical safety. Everything I thought I knew about being a woman in this glittering neon city is wrong. Muslim women are frightened—and they are right to be. Islamophobia, globally, is on the rise. A study by gallup.com indicates that 52 percent of Western countries surveyed had an unfavourable opinion of Islam [while in India, a consensus of findings by multiple faith-based agencies, taken to a hearing to the US Commission for International Religious Freedom (USCIRF), showed that attacks on minorities (Muslims in particular) had gone up since 2014—with 150 attacks on them taking place since then]. The refugee crisis and the rise of the ISIS means that—for bigots—Muslim women are a target. Austerity policies have not helped because racism flourishes with economic insecurity. The day before I am due to go out for this feature, a Muslim woman is attacked outside her university in Central London. Her veil is ripped from her face. I want to investigate the experiences of women like them—and my own prejudice—because I have always hated the veil and seen it as a tool of oppression.\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\nMy first call is to Sajda Mughal, a winner at last year’s Cosmopolitan UK Ultimate Woman Awards and director of the JAN trust, a charity supporting vulnerable ethnic-minority women. “It’s gotten worse”, she says. “In the last three years alone, we have seen a 65% rise in the number of women coming to us and telling us of their suffering.” Veiled women she says “have been spat at, slapped, and hit. Perpetrators have tried to pull off their veils on buses, in the streets.” The youngest victim she has worked with was seven; she was told at school that “your father is Osama bin Laden”. She has heard of ambulance workers refusing to transport women in headscarves and social workers telling children their native lands are “terrorist countries”. She herself has been threatened. One telephone message said, “I want to slit your Muslim throat.” Those responsible, she says, are almost always white men. She says she has never met a veiled woman who doesn’t wear it by choice. Perhaps it’s comforting for women like me to believe they are coerced into wearing it by their families. Is that my form of racism? Do I not trust these women to make their own choices? I order a dress from Amazon: it is ‘modest’, Saudi-style. When it arrives, my husband says it is more revealing than some of my clothes, so I order a second one, but I’ve forgotten to buy the veil. I stop a Muslim woman in my street and ask her where to buy one; I lie and say I am visiting Saudi Arabia. She says I do not need to explain and sends me to Shepherd’s Bush Market in London. I buy the veil and niqab (the part that covers the face). Leaving the market, I catch reflection of my sight and am shocked. I look like nothing; like a backdrop or a wall. I jump into a Costa Coffee; it is familiar, but I think there is less warmth in the server’s eyes than is usual. She seems brusque, efficient, keen to get it over with. I have no excuse to stay here, although I want to. I want to hide in the toilet, invent the article, go home. Outside, I pass another woman in a veil. “As-salamu ‘alaykum”, she says, a common Muslim greeting meaning ‘peace be upon you’. I am desperately grateful; even so, I feel ashamed. My sisterhood with her— which she so sweetly acknowledges— is a pretense. The veil does not always bring peace. Sajda told me of three women she has worked with. One took her daughter, aged two, to a playground. A white man shouted “terrorist b*tch” and “f*ck off out of my country, ISIS b*tch”. (He obviously didn’t know ISIS mostly terrorise other Muslims.) He ordered his dog to attack them. She went to the police. They did nothing. Her child screamed every night for months.The second woman she talks about was on the bus to pick her toddler up from nursery. A young white man called her a “terrorist” and an “ugly b*tch” who should “get out of my country” because “you people just breed terrorists”. Instead of helping her, other passengers applauded. The bus driver did nothing. She stopped crying when she got to the nursery; she did not want to frighten her child. A third woman was walking in a town centre and heard a man say “terrorist”. He said “go back to your country”, and, “You must be ugly, that’s why you’re wearing that thing.” He ripped her veil off and threw it on the ground. She still has nightmares—that he is killing her. On my first day in the veil, I catch a bus to Hammersmith in west London. I am uncomfortable. I dribble on my veil. Normally, I am over-friendly with strangers. I say hello to bus drivers. I accost women with babies. Today I do not want to. I feel immobile and isolated; I feel I can do nothing right. I get off and see, on the time table, a bus to Teddington, where I spent my early childhood. Of course, I’m seeking places where I am deeply rooted; where I feel safe. I look for the stop, and something happens to surprise me. A man runs over and says, “Can I help you?” He takes me to the stop. This is the other side then: concern. The solicitude. Maybe the pity? On the bus, I can’t read because my glasses slide off the veil. If I put them inside, the fabric stretches and cuts into me and I look absurd, like an owl. I can’t eat as I would have to raise the cloth, which I am beginning to feel a strange loyalty to because it is, for now, the identity I have chosen, and all I have. If I am to wear it, I will wear it properly; I will not defame it. I can’t make conversation because I am afraid of the response. I am silenced. I get off at Teddington, and walk up the high street. I am no longer sure why I came here because whatever I am looking for my tiny self, I suppose—it is no longer here. It is just a suburban street on a sunny day. I feel tired, although it is only lunch time; the black polyester draws in heat. The veil prickles against my eyelashes. In Marks & Spencer, people seem more careful than usual to barge into me. A young, pretty saleswoman in Boots gives me a warm, penetrating look. Two people in the street—white, in their 50s—glare and step back. I take another bus to Kingston, where the number of Islamophobic attacks doubled in the past year. I walk around the Saturday market, then go back into Costa Coffee. I feel a low hum of hostility. People look me up and down, and look aghast or angry. One man—young, redhead— gives me a stare of pure hatred. He moves closer to me, holding it as long as possible, so I know he hates me. I go to central London on the train, and take the Underground home. The train is fine because it is empty, but the Underground is not. I receive many angry glances, and some cross murmurs, so I am relieved to return to Camden Town. Many women are veiled in my street. I fit in, as always. On the second day, I go to central London again. A few women pull their children away from me in Hamleys; maybe they think I would trip on them? But then a salesman at Zara talks to me with such bouncing sweetness and enthusiasm I am thrilled. He sees me looking at a handbag, and picks it up to show me. He doesn’t seem to notice the veil at all; perhaps consumer capitalism has no prejudices. So far my experience is nothing like those of the women Sajda told me about. But I want to know what it’s like for a woman who, through commitment to her culture alone, is obliged to feel fear. And so, before I hang up my veil, I go to Dagenham, east London. It is a declining manufacturing town with a history of racism. In 2006, the BNP won 12 council seats—although they lost them all in 2010—and 14% of the total vote. As I get off the Tube, I feel hostility immediately. It crackles in the air. I ask a taxi driver: is this the high street? “Yes,” he says with his face full of loathing. I walk up and down the street. I see women in headscarves, but no one is veiled.\r\n\r\n \r\n\r\n  \r\n\r\nSoon an elderly white woman says to me, almost conversationally, as if talking about the weather, as I pass, “That’s disgusting.” Next a man in a van stops and makes a phone sign with his hand. “Oi!” he shouts, “Can I have your number?” His friends laugh. I could say he is treating me as he would any woman, and it is what passes for charm in his eyes, but I don’t think so. It is a taunt. Another elderly white woman says, “You’ve got a nerve.” Next a group women sitting outside a café laugh loudly as I pass; I hear them talk about me, their laughter tinkling across the pavement. I do not know how I would feel if I had my two-year-old with me, and could not tear off my veil and shout, “I’m not a Muslim”. Petrified probably. Then a man—again, white and elderly—shouts into my face “Ratbag!” It is such a silly insult, I almost laugh, but what would come next? All these interactions took place in just five minutes in sunlight in a crowded street. In 2013, a disabled Iranian refugee called Bijan Ebrahimi was beaten to death in Bristol, and his body set alight. The police ignored his pleas for help in the days leading up to his murder and even arrested him. I understand now how this happened. I still hate the veil. But after three days of wearing it, I no longer think it is my response to it that matters. What matters is the fear women feel, when they should not, and the violence lurking in our cities. I thought I knew about misogyny. I was wrong.” \r\n\r\nThe Burqa around the world: How different countries police the veil.\r\n\r\n\r\n\tFrance In 2011, France became the first European country to outlaw burqas in public. Then-president Nicolas Sarkozy called the women wearing them “prisoners behind a screen”. Soon after, Belgium followed suit.\r\n\tIndia Wearing the burqa is completely accepted. Being a staunchly secular democracy with a Muslim population of 176 million (14 percent of the country), there is no bar on Muslim women choosing to—or not choosing to—wear one.\r\n\tSaudi Arabia One of the only Muslim-majority countries that legally enforces a dress code in public. Almost all Muslim women wear a headscarf, and showing even an elbow has been verboten since the country’s founding.\r\n\tUSA Women can wear burqas wherever they want, thanks to the Founding Fathers who included clothing in the constitutional rights to freedom of speech. The burkini is especially popular on beaches in the summer.\r\n\r\n","type":"story","field_meta_title":null,"field_meta_description":"cosmo, cosmpolitan, cosmopolitan india, cosmopolitan.in, cosmo.in, burqa, women in burqa, veiled women, islamophobia, hating islam ","field_meta_keyword":"cosmo, cosmpolitan, cosmopolitan india, cosmopolitan.in, cosmo.in, burqa, women in burqa, veiled women, islamophobia, hating islam ","image":"https://akm-img-a-in.tosshub.com/sites/cosmo/sites/default/files/2020-02/Screen%20Shot%202020-02-19%20at%201.40.56%20PM.png?PMtYxSkiiEKWWyv4AoO_U22MOuS91tWs","field_editory_by":null,"path":"/life/features/a19639/does-she-deserve-be-hated","created":"20 February 2020 ","time_created":"2020-02-20T12:00:00+05:30","field_section":"Life","field_section_url":"/life","field_content_type":"Features","notes":null,"notes_syn":null,"userData_node":null,"userData":null,"field_first_name":null,"authorpath":null,"userPicUrl":null},{"nid":"19641","title":"Is Your Food Lying to you?","field_dek":"Do food labels confuse the sh*t out of you? We decode cryptic claims to sort fat from fiction.\r\n \r\n","modified":"2020-02-19 14:01:12","status":"1","field_full_dek":"Organic\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\nBuying foods produced without chemicals such as pesticides and fertilisers, where possible, is good (because #cleaneating). But just because food is organic doesn’t automatically make it nutritious. “Organic foods still have the same amount of fat or calories as non-organic versions, it’s just that they might have been grown in a more sustainable manner,” explains Kate Gudorf, an accredited practicing Dietician and Spokesperson for the Dieticians Association of Australia.\r\n\r\nDiet Or Sugar-Free\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\nSugar-free’ can often be misleading. Sugar can be replaced with syrups and other sweet ingredients. So, technically it is ‘sugar-free’, but really it’s just filled with sugar by another name. Ingredients to look out for are honey, maple syrup, corn syrup, barley malt, fructose, glucose, dextrose, and fruit juice concentrate. And manufacturers often split them up so the ingredients are placed lower down on the list, so instead of 15g sugar, they’ll have 5g corn syrup, 5g fructose, and 5g barley.\r\n\r\nUnrelated Claims\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\nSome facts might be true, but often, they’re irrelevant. For example, that cholestrol-free oil you’ve been buying? Yes, it is cholestrol-free, but guess what? So are all olive oils. Likewise, “gluten-free claims on products such as rice crackers, which are gluten-free anyway,” says Sarah Court, Commissioner for the Australian Competition and Consumer Commission. And what’s frustrating is that these brands often charge a premium for the seemingly premium product.\r\n\r\nPercent Less Fat\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\nDiscovering that your faves now have 25 percent less fat could be the greatest thing you’ve heard all year. Sadly, that doesn’t make them healthy. It all lies in what Gudorf calls the ‘reference food’—what they’re being compared with. A lot of these reference foods are really high in fat, meaning the ‘25 percent less fat’ option isn’t necessarily that much healthier, explains Gudorf. And watch out for food claiming to be fat-free. Often it’s just got added sugar to create flavour.\r\n\r\nFree Range\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\nThere is no one set free-range standard in India. “To meet the demand for free-range eggs, many farmers removed the cages but left the stocking density the same, meaning the chickens could barely move around,” says Court. (Yes, this still counts as free range.) In India, Happy Hens Farm, located at a two-hour drive from Bengaluru, became the first Indian producer to label its eggs as ‘free-range’, as an indication of their hens’ high welfare and space allowances.\r\n\r\nTicks And Seal\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\nMost of the badges that you see on food packaging, such as the ‘FSSAI’ (Food Safety and Standards Authority of India) logo, require a product to meet some particular health standards in order to use that sign. Some producers, however, create their own ticks and seals to trick you into thinking it’s legit or to make you associate it with one of those proper ticks or seals. If it looks a bit iffy or you haven’t seen it on your products before, don’t trust it—but Google it.\r\n\r\nThe Truths\r\n\r\nYou’re probably wondering whether you can trust anything you see on food labels. Well, you can, if you know what to look for. \"Buy LOW-FAT,  LOW-SUGAR,  REDUCED  SALT AND HIGH-FIBRE\". “These food claims are usually good because they’re regulated,” explains Gudorf. “If a product says it’s low-fat, it’s indeed low fat.” It’s still worth taking a look at the sugar content, though, in case it’s been jacked up. Read The nutritional information panel. Okay, so nobody’s really got time to read the label on every box or jar every single time, but do it once and you can just keep buying the same products. \r\n\r\nEnergy: Look at the number of calories per serving, and opt for the product with the lower amount. \r\n\r\nSaturated fat: As a rule, the closer to zero, the better.\r\n\r\nSugar: Keep sugar below 10g per 100g. For flavoured yoghurt or cereal, keep it under 15-20g. \r\n\r\nSalt: Below 400mg per 100g is a good amount. Watch out for preserved meats and canned foods as the salt content of these can be particularly high.\r\n","type":"story","field_meta_title":null,"field_meta_description":"is your food lying to you, food labels, food, labels, packaged foods, diet, healthy diet, are food labels a farce, cosmo india, team cosmopolitan, cosmopolitan india, cosmo india, cosmopolitan, cosmopolitan team, cosmo team, cosmo, food, unhealthy food, fast food, what not to eat","field_meta_keyword":"is your food lying to you, food labels, food, labels, packaged foods, diet, healthy diet, are food labels a farce, cosmo india, team cosmopolitan, cosmopolitan india, cosmo india, cosmopolitan, cosmopolitan team, cosmo team, cosmo, food, unhealthy food, fast food, what not to eat","image":"https://akm-img-a-in.tosshub.com/sites/cosmo/sites/default/files/2020-02/giphy-1.gif?CJfwQTurd8x_rhN5e297lGT9fPiq5Kst","field_editory_by":null,"path":"/life/features/a19641/your-food-lying-you","created":"19 February 2020 ","time_created":"2020-02-19T19:30:00+05:30","field_section":"Life","field_section_url":"/life","field_content_type":"Features","notes":null,"notes_syn":null,"userData_node":null,"userData":null,"field_first_name":null,"authorpath":null,"userPicUrl":null},{"nid":"19622","title":"Is it Ok Not to Be Close to Your Siblings? ","field_dek":"\"When my parents die, my brother and I will probably fall out of each other’s lives—at least that’s where I worry we’re headed... \" By Lisa Freedman\r\n\r\n \r\n\r\n \r\n\r\n \r\n","modified":"2020-02-18 08:06:49","status":"1","field_full_dek":"“I realised this on a recent trip to visit him and felt pretty crushed. I hadn’t been down to his place, which is just a couple of hours from where I live, in at least five years—probably more, to be honest. I had hopped on the train with one goal: to help him redecorate his living room (he was desperate for help). Furniture shopping kept us occupied and gave us something to talk about. Still, there were a lot of awkward silences. “So, what did you think of that leather recliner at Pepperfry?” I asked during lunch, even though I already knew he liked it. That night, I joined him and his friends for drinks, and it hit me: I don’t even know the name of his best friend. I was introduced to a dozen people that night, and I had never heard of any of them. In my head, I blamed him. ‘Why hasn’t he ever told me about these people?!’ Then again, I reminded myself, it’s not like I ever asked. I look at most of my friends, and they see, call, or text their siblings all the time. Sometimes multiple times a day. I’ve watched as one of my friends answered a call from her sister, laughed for several minutes straight, then just said, ‘Crazy! Okay, call me tonight’, leaving me baffled by their secret language. A co-worker of mine couldn’t go a week without meeting up with her younger brother. I’m half jealous of their relationships and half weirded-out by their freaky codependency. And they look at me like I’m the worst sister ever when I tell them I usually see my brother only at family functions. I got married recently, and it wasn’t until after my husband’s bachelor party that I realised he should have invited my brother. I’ve received all sorts of shock, pity, and dismay, and it’s easy to understand why. “It’s evolutionary to want to keep the family together,” says relationship coach Jeannie Bertoli,PhD.\r\n\r\n \r\n\r\n \r\n\r\n \r\n\r\nThe momentum we developed in college has slowed to a\r\n\r\nsubstance-less crawl. We’ll text once in a while—\r\n\r\nusually about his dog.\r\n\r\n \r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n \r\n\r\n“We fear that without our family, we might not be okay. It’s a survival instinct.” Straying from our family ties, as I have, upends that. Even more: study after study shows just how much child siblings can affect one another as they grow up (they may informally teach us social skills, help shape our personalities, and influence our paths to success or failure). “To most people, it seems nuts to have a sibling go from being so instrumental to so inconsequential,” Bertoli adds. It seems the most nuts to our mother. She’ll ask every week, “Have you spoken to your brother?” and I can hear her disappointment when I say no. I get the updates I need from her, so why does she care so much? “Typically, parents think of brothers or sisters as an automatic network for each other once the parents pass away,” says Laurie Kramer, PhD, a professor of applied family studies at the University of Illinois at Urbana-Champaign. “It may come from the belief that family members (blood relations) are more likely to help one another than would someone outside the family, like a friend.” I know my mother loves and trusts my husband, but in her mind, my brother is the only one who is truly, unalterably obligated to be there for me when my parents die. \r\n\r\nAs much as people freak out when they hear about my relationship with my brother, I know we aren’t the only siblings to work this way. Unfortunately, there’s not a lot of data on the ‘typical’ relationship for adult siblings. Karl Pillemer, PhD, a professor of human development at Cornell University, estimates 20 to 30 percent of siblings have a relationship that’s “congenial but distant”, like mine. “They may not be in contact that much, but there’s no estrangement or conflict,” says Pillemer. “They’ve just dropped out of touch.” \r\n\r\nJia, 26, a public relations specialist in Mumbai can relate. Despite living just about three hours from her brother in Pune, they see each other only when they’re at their parents’ house. And even then, those meetings don’t get past basic pleasantries. “I often tell people my brother feels like the most opposite version of me,” she says.  Looking back at our childhood, my relationship with my brother seems pretty textbook. We were three years apart, so we had our own friends, but sometimes they’d mix together, and we were happy to coexist at the same party. Although I don’t remember having any heart-to-hearts, we spent plenty of time together and he’d always help me with homework or vouch for me when I wanted a later curfew. Sure, we’d bicker, but none of it ever seemed to exceed the appropriate amount of sibling arguing. When he went to college, we surprisingly grew closer, which goes against what researchers sometimes find. I had tonnes of questions for him about college, I’d complain about being left with our parents, and he’d invite me and my BFF a few times a year to check out the party scene. When I started college, he’d visit me once a semester. \r\n\r\nNow that we’re in our 30s, the momentum we developed in college has slowed to a substance-less crawl. Our jobs are very different (I’m an editor and I’m not sure what he does—think Chandler Bing), and our interests are even more so (I like to bake and he likes to climb dangerous mountains). We’ll text once in a while—usually about his dog. Pillemer explains that there are two major things working against us: our age and the fact that he’s not my sister. In terms of sibling closeness, there’s what Pillemer calls the hourglass model: “You see your siblings a lot when you’re living together, and then you often reconnect when your own kids are grown,” he says. In between, it’s natural to have less contact: “So much of your energy is focused on figuring out a career, establishing independence, and making other relationships,” Kramer says. If my brother were my sister, Kramer agrees things might be different. Studies have found that sibling sets made up of two sisters tend to be closest, although obviously there are exceptions. \r\n\r\n \r\n\r\nStudies have found that sibling sets made up of two sisters tend to be closest, although obviously there are exceptions.\r\n\r\n \r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n \r\n\r\nWhat if I did want to strengthen our bond? The good news is that experts say it’s never too late. They suggested I pick up the phone and give him a call—regularly. (I realise basically no-one talks on the phone anymore, but this still feels somehow plausible.) Knowing that’s in my back pocket, I feel better. And for siblings with real hostility—as in deep-rooted issues or an extremely hurtful falling-out in the past—there’s hope there too. You can still work on those bonds, even if you’ve been out of touch for years. “With siblings, people usually have a greater willingness to try harder,” says Bertoli, comparing the relationship to friendships that have fallen by the wayside. Be sure to preface a call or e-mail by saying, “Hey, just thought of you and wanted to reach out.” You know, so their first reaction isn’t wondering what terminal disease you have. For me, I’m fine with things as is. I appreciate that my brother will be my longest relationship in life. He’s the only one who can completely understand what it was like to grow up in our city, with our parents, in that specific house. He was there for our nightly dinners, when our grandmother died, and through every punishment I ever got. I can recount those stories for my husband and show him photographs, but he wasn’t there. I know that if I really needed my brother for something, he’d have my back—and vice versa. And he is there for the ‘big-deal’ things, like my wedding. He’s just not part of my day-to-day. \r\n\r\n“Our relationship works for us,” my brother said when I called to tell him about this story. (I texted first to see if he was free to talk, and he fittingly responded by asking if everything was all right.) “We’re both just really busy,” he said, “but you’re right, we’d be there for each other in a bind.” Ours is an increasingly normal state of affairs, Bertoli says, as people wait longer to marry and build close friend squads that fill in for sibling relationships. For now, we’ve found a system that works for us. And that’s okay.”\r\n","type":"story","field_meta_title":null,"field_meta_description":"cosmopolitan, cosmo, cosmopolitan magazine, cosmopolitan india, sibling-bond, opinion peice, brother-sister bond, I'm not close to my brother, I'm not close to my sister ","field_meta_keyword":"cosmopolitan, cosmo, cosmopolitan magazine, cosmopolitan india, sibling-bond, opinion peice, brother-sister bond, I'm not close to my brother, I'm not close to my sister ","image":"https://akm-img-a-in.tosshub.com/sites/cosmo/sites/default/files/2020-02/Screen%20Shot%202020-02-18%20at%201.46.59%20pm_0.png?A0jZ9TVIn_zhi0t8PUHcHJTe8Re2OqQq","field_editory_by":null,"path":"/life/features/a19622/it-ok-not-be-close-your-siblings","created":"18 February 2020 ","time_created":"2020-02-18T13:00:00+05:30","field_section":"Life","field_section_url":"/life","field_content_type":"Features","notes":null,"notes_syn":null,"userData_node":null,"userData":null,"field_first_name":null,"authorpath":null,"userPicUrl":null},{"nid":"19623","title":"Are You a Hopeless Romantic? ","field_dek":"On a scale of 1 to Shawn Mendes, these simple questions to find out where you stand.\r\n","modified":"2020-02-18 07:40:45","status":"1","field_full_dek":" \r\n\r\n1. You react to Starbucks PDA by:\r\n\r\n a. Sloshing the couple with your latte and curb stomping your muffin. \r\n\r\n b. Changing your current song to I Knew You Were Trouble for single-girl bad*ssery.\r\n\r\n c. Baby-voicing your support like when you ooh over your fam’s daschund.\r\n\r\n \r\n\r\n2. After he rips his ninth shot of tequila, your guy blurts out ‘I love you’. You: \r\n\r\n a. Say, “Um, yeah, sure. And I love root canals. Anyway...drink!”\r\n\r\n b. Read your thesis on unfaithful protagonists in lit, explaining the risks of saying ‘it’ early...\r\n\r\n c. Mark the date in iCal and set up a timeline for the rest of your eternity together. Next up? Buying a love fern for your home.\r\n\r\n \r\n\r\n3. If Ranveer and Deepika ever breakup, you would: \r\n\r\n a. Collect the winnings from your Haters Anonymous Bollywood Breakup pool [*evil cackle*].\r\n\r\n b. Blame it on Deepika’s burgeoning Hollywood career and Ranveer’s classic case of ‘having too much fun’. \r\n\r\n c. Assume fatal position outside their house, blasting 'A Moment Like This'.\r\n\r\n \r\n\r\n4. You just binge-watched Younger and predict Josh and Liza will end up: \r\n\r\n a. Dying alone. \r\n\r\n b. Fixing their relationship with the only thing that lasts forever: matching tramp stamps.\r\n\r\n c. Enduring the age gap as a stay-at-home dad and a publishing exec. Love conquers all!\r\n\r\n \r\n\r\n5. The most epic romantic gesture would be: \r\n\r\n a. The barista memorising your order just once Goddamnit—iced coffee as black as your soul.\r\n\r\n b. A rose petal strewn pre-nup with an infidelity clause.\r\n\r\n c. Bae buying tix for the first Virgin Galactic flight. You’ll circumnavigate the heart-shaped star cluster he named after you.\r\n\r\n \r\n\r\nThe breakdown\r\n \r\n\r\nMostly As\r\n\r\nPS: I HATE YOU \r\nLove is the bane of your existence and happy couples piss you off. We get that the mushy stuff can feel more ugh than aww, but yucking others’ yums will paint you as jealous. Try analysing why you keep reporting YouTube proposals\r\nas inappropriate content. Some self exploration can help you find your happy.\r\n\r\n \r\n\r\nMostly Bs\r\n\r\nHEXED BY THE EX\r\n\r\nYou’ve been through some relation-sh*t and are wary of falling head-over-heels just to get kicked to the curb. The sight of that four-letter word sets your heart aflutter but reminds you of heartbreak. It’s okay to be guarded, but too much caution can come off as disinterest. If you don’t want to fly solo, you might have to take a risk.\r\n\r\n \r\n\r\nMostly Cs\r\n\r\nHOPELESSLY DEVOTED\r\n\r\nYour life’s soundtrack is the credits of an epic romance film. Plus, you want everyone else to have that same can’t-eat, can’t-sleep kinda feeling. You can pine for love, but don’t think Yeezy will show up with a wall of white roses. Manage your expectations and you’ll find something just as swoon-worthy.\r\n\r\n \r\n","type":"story","field_meta_title":null,"field_meta_description":"On a scale of 1 to Shawn Mendes, these simple questions to find out where you stand.","field_meta_keyword":"cosmo, cosmopolitan, cosmopolitan magazine, cosmopolitan india, romantic quiz, how to know you're a hopeless romantic, how romantic are you, find out how you feel about romance, ","image":"https://akm-img-a-in.tosshub.com/sites/cosmo/sites/default/files/2020-02/Screen%20Shot%202020-02-17%20at%205.21.11%20pm.png?l_GG21P9uUGPNFCmIgrK2nUcTdp9pvF4","field_editory_by":null,"path":"/life/features/a19623/are-you-hopeless-romantic","created":"18 February 2020 ","time_created":"2020-02-18T13:00:00+05:30","field_section":"Life","field_section_url":"/life","field_content_type":"Features","notes":null,"notes_syn":null,"userData_node":null,"userData":null,"field_first_name":null,"authorpath":null,"userPicUrl":null},{"nid":"19624","title":"STOP Saying YES When You Want to Say NO","field_dek":"It’s high time you start using the N word. Cosmo tells you how!\r\n","modified":"2020-02-18 07:31:24","status":"1","field_full_dek":"After I had my second child, I wanted to show my boss I could handle anything. I said ‘yes’ to coming back to work too soon and working the overnight shift! I was so tired, I fell down the stairs holding my baby—she spent eight weeks in a body cast. She’s fine now, but that was an excruciating price to pay for not being able to say ‘no’. Since then, I’ve trusted that I’m good enough and saying ‘no’ won’t hurt my prospects. Actually being direct about what you want—without second-guessing or making excuses—shows you value yourself. Power through awkward moments like these and you’ll get to your ‘yes’.\r\n\r\n1. The I don't need that 'no' You find the perfect dress for your friend’s wedding. Then the shop assistant starts insisting you get this belt and those earrings too.\r\n\r\nSay: “I do love that, but I’m not going to get it today.” The sales assistant is doing her job—she doesn’t take no personally and you shouldn’t either. You are wasting her time by acting like you’re deliberating or putting something on hold just for show. Say ‘no’, be lovely about it...and leave.\r\n\r\n2. The parent trap 'no' Mum and dad invite you on an overseas trip. You only have two weeks’ annual leave left and think this would be an awful way to spend one of them.\r\n\r\nSay: “I love you, but I can’t. How about a weekend visit, instead?” Time with you may be more important to them than the plan. Be quick and sweet, and don’t make up a story. They knew when you were lying at age eight; they will know now. PS: don’t get guilted! You’re an adult now!\r\n\r\n3. The 'U still up?' 'no' The guy you really like said, ‘Let’s hang on Saturday’. At 1am, he finally texts, indicating his interest in, ahem, hanging. Nuh-uh.\r\n\r\nSay: Text back. ‘No, thanks.’ Wait a beat. Then, ‘But dinner Wednesday?’ If you want more, don’t take less fearing he’ll disappear. Forget about jumping like it’s the PM calling. You’ll save yourself months of pain by being clear with him and sticking to your decision.\r\n\r\n4. The weekend work 'no' Your boss asks you to work on Saturday, but your cousin is getting married.\r\n\r\nSay: “I’d love to work on that with you, but I have a big family event. What if I stayed late Friday night?” Apologising or giving too much detail seems weak. Be calm and make eye contact, and she’ll respect you for what you’re saying. Follow up with an alternative solution if you can, so everyone wins.\r\n\r\n5. The kick-starter 'no' Your friend has a great idea for a vegan-snack-sample-delivery business or wants money for a cause, but you don’t have the cash. \r\n\r\nSay: ‘I just contributed to another friend’s charity race, so I’m tapped out. Can I help by making an introduction for you instead?’ Little white lies can be okay. You don’t have to share details about your finances with friends. Value the work you did to earn your money, and only donate to causes that move you.\r\n","type":"story","field_meta_title":null,"field_meta_description":"cosmo, cosmopolitan, cosmopolitan india, cosmopolitan magazine, how to say no, how to refuse, how to say no without hurting someone, how to say no to my friends, how to say no to my parents, say no, how to say no to people, how to stop saying yes ","field_meta_keyword":"cosmo, cosmopolitan, cosmopolitan india, cosmopolitan magazine, how to say no, how to refuse, how to say no without hurting someone, how to say no to my friends, how to say no to my parents, say no, how to say no to people, how to stop saying yes ","image":"https://akm-img-a-in.tosshub.com/sites/cosmo/sites/default/files/2020-02/Screen%20Shot%202020-02-18%20at%201.08.17%20pm.png?oXCWwSqxS0GralnfUde2bn56bwuDhtWX","field_editory_by":null,"path":"/life/features/a19624/stop-saying-yes-when-you-want-say-no","created":"18 February 2020 ","time_created":"2020-02-18T12:30:00+05:30","field_section":"Life","field_section_url":"/life","field_content_type":"Features","notes":null,"notes_syn":null,"userData_node":null,"userData":null,"field_first_name":null,"authorpath":null,"userPicUrl":null}],"seodata":{"title":"Life - Fashion, Hair & Beauty, Career, Health, and Relationships :: Cosmopolitan India","description":"Cosmopolitan is the lifestylist for millions of fun fearless females who want to be the best they can in every area of their lives, with information on relationships and romance, the best in fashion and beauty, as well as what's happening in pop culture and entertainment.","keyword":"Fashion, Hair & Beauty, Career, Health, and Relationships"},"isSSR":false,"ttl":1582390937696}}
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Gul Panag’s 3 Fitness Mantras Actually Work To Help You Get Fitter, Faster And Fabulous-er

*The Secret* is something you probably knew all along…but never implemented!

Actor, health activist, adventurer, mother and an aviator –Gul Panag maybe a lot of things but a quitter she is not.

“People tell me that I have great legs and I tell them that you would too, had you been going for runs regularly for 25 years. I have been running since I was 15 and I still wear the same jeans size since I was in my 20s,” she says.

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Now at 40, the actor continues to stick to her health regimen, which *surprise* is not exactly rocket science. As she puts it – Your 10th std biology textbook told you all you needed to know about fitness and you ignored it.

“You just have to make a choice and ask yourself - Do you want to fit into size 26 jeans that you were wearing in your 20s? Or are you okay with putting on a kilo every passing year?” she says.

So, if you made your choice. Read on to know her fitness mantra that help you crack the *The Secret* (Hint: Biology textbook):

Rule #1: Your body is a machine. Treat it like that

“Call it a plane or a car, but the body is a machine with a fixed fuel capacity (aka food) that you cannot exceed. Secondly, your body, the machine, can only take a certain type of fuel – this just means nutritious, non-packaged food rather than junk food,” says Gul.

And how exactly do you learn to drive this machine? Well, calculate your BMR (Basal Metabolic Rate). “BMR is the rate at which your body needs fuel for the body organs to function. It’s even available online and anybody can calculate it. For instance, at my age, my BMR is 1300 calories. Now, I don’t like counting calories but this is just to give you an idea about what you are eating,” says Gul.

Rule #2: Do not get into an abusive relationship with food

“Exercising does not make your food consumption infinite. If you run 10 km/hour you will only burn about 500 calories that is equivalent to 2 beers and one brownie. So, to say that I exercise and I can eat whatever I want is the biggest misnomer,” says Gul.

Ouch! There go your weekend-plans.

The key, as Gul says, is to ensure that 95 per cent of your diet is nutritious and rest of the 5 per cent can be ‘kachra’ or junk food.

“I eat dal, rice, roti, sabzi, chicken and everything. That’s a balanced diet. I do indulge but I maintain 95% of my body fuel as nutrition and avoid packaged or processed food. I don’t do fad diets because I believe the body needs carbohydrates, protein, minerals and even fat,” she says.

She adds, “We have unhealthy relationships with food. We eat when we are sad, stressed, happy or angry. Food is nutrition and that is the primary role. If you understand that you will never have a weight problem.”

Rule #3: Just move

 

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Tabata, cycling, sprinting or just hitting the gym – make sure to have an active lifestyle. Just move!

She may have been running since 15, but there is not a fitness move that Gul has not tried out. “I do Tabata, HIIT, yoga or if I don’t have time, I do 100 Surya Namaskars in my hotel room. If it’s raining in Mumbai and I can’t go for my run, I’ll go up and down eleven floors in my building ten times. I innovate, I don’t look for excuses, I look for solutions,” she says.

Interestingly, Surya Namaskar is also the OG of all fitness moves, especially if you can manage it a hundred times a day (Yes, that’s what Gul said).

“Ideally, your fitness regimen should combine strength, flexibility and endurance. Strength comes from resistance exercises such as push-ups or squats using your body weight, for flexibility, there is Yoga or Pilates and endurance comes from running or cardio,” she says.

BRB, see you on the other side of 100 Surya Namaskar!