1. You react to Starbucks PDA by:
a. Sloshing the couple with your latte and curb stomping your muffin.
b. Changing your current song to I Knew You Were Trouble for single-girl bad*ssery.
c. Baby-voicing your support like when you ooh over your fam’s daschund.
2. After he rips his ninth shot of tequila, your guy blurts out ‘I love you’. You:
a. Say, “Um, yeah, sure. And I love root canals. Anyway...drink!”
b. Read your thesis on unfaithful protagonists in lit, explaining the risks of saying ‘it’ early...
c. Mark the date in iCal and set up a timeline for the rest of your eternity together. Next up? Buying a love fern for your home.
3. If Ranveer and Deepika ever breakup, you would:
a. Collect the winnings from your Haters Anonymous Bollywood Breakup pool [*evil cackle*].
b. Blame it on Deepika’s burgeoning Hollywood career and Ranveer’s classic case of ‘having too much fun’.
c. Assume fatal position outside their house, blasting 'A Moment Like This'.
4. You just binge-watched Younger and predict Josh and Liza will end up:
a. Dying alone.
b. Fixing their relationship with the only thing that lasts forever: matching tramp stamps.
c. Enduring the age gap as a stay-at-home dad and a publishing exec. Love conquers all!
5. The most epic romantic gesture would be:
a. The barista memorising your order just once Goddamnit—iced coffee as black as your soul.
b. A rose petal strewn pre-nup with an infidelity clause.
c. Bae buying tix for the first Virgin Galactic flight. You’ll circumnavigate the heart-shaped star cluster he named after you.
PS: I HATE YOU
Love is the bane of your existence and happy couples piss you off. We get that the mushy stuff can feel more ugh than aww, but yucking others’ yums will paint you as jealous. Try analysing why you keep reporting YouTube proposals
as inappropriate content. Some self exploration can help you find your happy.
HEXED BY THE EX
You’ve been through some relation-sh*t and are wary of falling head-over-heels just to get kicked to the curb. The sight of that four-letter word sets your heart aflutter but reminds you of heartbreak. It’s okay to be guarded, but too much caution can come off as disinterest. If you don’t want to fly solo, you might have to take a risk.
Your life’s soundtrack is the credits of an epic romance film. Plus, you want everyone else to have that same can’t-eat, can’t-sleep kinda feeling. You can pine for love, but don’t think Yeezy will show up with a wall of white roses. Manage your expectations and you’ll find something just as swoon-worthy.