Gone are the days, when you could read signs of your first date, the way he touched you or leaned towards you when you spoke. And in return show him you liked him too with simple gestures. IRL first dates are a thing of the past now. In the pandemic there has been a surge in online dating or “pandating”. However, it’s not easy, when you have to rely on phone or laptop cameras to pick cues and make moves, there are chances that it must just end up being awkward. To help you navigate these first dates we get Pamela 'Puja' Kirpalani, body language expert, a master NLP practitioner, trainer & neuro-coach and founder of Inner High Living to tell you how to use body language to pique your date’s interest.
1. Smile 60% of the time. People are attracted to smiling faces because “looking at someone's smile actually affects your autonomic system and the mirror neurons in your brain then react by smiling back at the person,” says Pamela. Smile also releases endorphins and you begin to feel good. However, do not over do the smiling part as you may seem over enthusiastic and hence less genuine. So remember to pepper your conversation with smiles and not smile throughout.
2. Adjust your torso. Lean in just slightly with your torso when your date is talking. “Leaning in indicates you are interested in and showing attention to what the other person is saying It goes without saying that your date will appreciate this, as everyone likes a good and engaged listener,” suggests Pamela.
3. Use your head. Pamela advises you tilt your head to the side, when your partner speaks, to show curiosity and engagement. Charles Darwin was one of the first experts to notice that humans, as well as animals (dogs especially) tilt their head naturally to one side when they become interested in something. It is for that reason, also one of the most well-known interesting body language positions.
4. Expose your Neck. Women, flick your hair back to leave one side of your neck bare. Men find this gesture attractive, as exposing your neck is a sign of submission and trust. “The reason for this is because the neck, which houses the cataroid artery towards the brain, is one of the most vulnerable parts of our body and hence is an ideal courtship signal,” explains Pamela.
5. Mirror your partner’s moves. Mimicking other people’s movements is an indicator of deep rapport and subconsciously bonds you with the other person. “Lightly and subtly mimic the way their head may be tilted, the way they are sitting (leaning forward or back), or whatever they’re doing with their hands (ie. Steepling hands or elbow leaning),” advises Pamela. People most of the time have no idea that you’re mirroring them as long as you just choose one macro gesture and wait a few seconds before you do it.
6. Move your hands away from your face! Touching your face or neck, shows anxiety, nervousness and might also indicate psychological discomfort. Pamela cautions that if you notice your partner’s hand suddenly moving towards the upper part of the body, then there might be something that is bothering them.
7. Gesture, gesture, gesture! When you use your hands to gesture while talking, it conveys passion and arouses the other person’s interest. “Our hands hold clues to what is going on within us, and as long as we keep our hands within a box (from your shoulders to your lower torso) it seems attractive,” says Pamela.
So, the next time you plan a video date, keep these points in mind to engage and incite interest.