Relationship advice? 'Words of wisdom that are often thrown out at us by nosy Indian aunties, especially when not asked for.' This could certainly be one very reliable source of BAD dating advice for many of us. But if it ain't the over-intrusive extended relative, it could well be a movie, an acquaintance, or the vast span of the internet providing incredibly poor guidance...
You'd often come across one stating that 'experience speaks for itself', however, in many cases if not all, 'experience is simply the name we give our mistakes.' The bad, bad relationship mistakes we tend to make over and over again, and worse, choose to pass it on as 'advice' to innocent lovers. Sigh.
From figuring out the 'appropriate' time to blurt out the 3 magic words to the over-emphasis on tying the knot just a few months into a relationship, 10 women prove why too many cooks spoil the broth.
"The words "I love you" carry so much weightage. For ages now, there has been a debate regarding what is the 'right time' to utter these three magic words. You'd find people judging you for saying it too early or a bit too late, and these very people are often those who claim to be the flag-bearers of wisdom, possibly because they romanticized their 8th grade relationship! "Wait for the right time to say, I love you.” Well, I believe there never is a right time to say those words. Life is not perfect, we aren’t perfect. Say what you feel when you feel it, simple." ~ Anonymous, 21
"I personally feel ambiguous advice is the worst of them all. It's when people don’t actually want to listen to your situation and just want to impart generic, unsolicited piece of advice, such as, “Give it time", "Let it go", "If it comes back to you, it was always yours, otherwise it was never meant to be.” Imagine investing hours and days and months of your time into a person where they’re making you believe that they’re on the same page, and you’re just supposed to accept whatever the other throws your way!" ~ Uzma Majeed, 23
""The right man will come at the right time." I mean, seriously? Where is my man and what is the right time?" ~ Sargun Kaur Lalia, 22
"Growing up I always heard that boys like girls who are submissive and easy to please, instead of independent, strong-minded women. I fail to understood this logic, till date. I genuinely feel this statement is another shot at trying to pit women against each other! People try so hard to make it seem like being independent invariably means you are strong and being submissive is a sign of weakness. It’s the same notion when people say “girls only like manly men”, adding on to the problem of toxic masculinity. As a society, it's the need of the hour to put an end to such stereotypes and allow us to love who we want to love." ~ Rithu GS, 20
"Each bond has its own admirable features and flaws. And the idea of guiding one on how to handle a relationship is redundant, for each person behaves differently in every romantic union they’re involved in. While I do not believe in the idea of relationship advice, I have received, as well overhead a lot of unsolicited advice. The worst one being, "at times you need to ignore incidents that bother you for the greater good." While ignorance is bliss, I don't particularly consider this to be a step towards building a fruitful bond with your significant other. Besides, suppressed emotions do weasel their way out eventually! ~ Anushka Shah, 20
"If you don’t see yourself getting married to the one you’re dating, it’s a waste of your time.” For me, especially at a young age, that’s as uncorroborated as saying, "if you don’t work in the field you major in, it’s a waste of your education." The metric for a partner vs. a life partner is poles apart, and the former should evolve into the latter naturally rather than purposefully. I don’t think every ‘successful relationship' has to end in marriage. Or rather, I don’t believe your relationship was a waste or the love wasn’t real if you didn’t end up marrying your SO. I mean, marriage shouldn’t be viewed as the ultimate end goal of every romantic relationship, but rather a step forward that some couples are lucky enough to take, if circumstances, paths and other factors allow." ~ Aashna Suvarna, 20
"The worst piece of dating advice I’ve ever heard is undoubtedly, "If you can’t imagine a future with them, there’s no point in being with them." First of all, the phrase ‘imagine a future’ with someone (they love to say it on love island as a sign of their commitment) is ridiculous. The hard reality is, your future is not in your hands! You might have a comprehensive five-year plan in place but then out of nowhere you decide to move to Bali to become a yoga instructor. How can you imagine a future with someone when there are so many 'unknowns'? I believe everything will fall into place, as is, and you won't need to forcefully align your plans, hopes and dreams to fit together like pieces of a puzzle. We all desire certainties in life, but why not go with the flow and follow your heart for once? ~ Emi, 21
"The worst relationship advice, by far, is the notion that you must reach specific relationship milestones within a pre-determined time frame. As per my (very limited) experience, there must be other factors determining when you take certain steps in your relationship. 18 and never been kissed? Don’t worry. 21 and never had a boyfriend? Don’t stress. Sustaining and maintaining a fulfilling relationship is about making sure you do things when you are ready, and with the right person. Aiming to achieve certain relationship goals within a specified time-frame will leave you hyper-focused on the end goal, not on the feelings and the people in the relationship. So next time your best friend announces that she is planning her wedding, don’t feel pressured to turn your own relationship into something more serious (with your boyfriend who is DEFINITELY not ready for marriage btw). It's important to remember that life is not a race and that we all have different experiences. Have faith that everything will happen when it’s meant to and when the time is right, you’ll just know. In the mean time, you do you, boo!" ~ Saira Shahdadpuri, 21
"Give it time, things will be okay." While you most certainly must wait it out, remember, there's nothing wrong with calling it quits if things aren't working for you and your partner. There's absolutely no need to make life any more complicated than it already is!" ~ Deejay, 22
"People often say that if you don’t define a relationship, it won’t be taken seriously. I don't think that this sits well with me because in my opinion having a label doesn’t define the magnitude of a relationship or what it means to the people in it. And also, I don’t think there’s a particular standard that everyone HAS to follow. For me, it’s always been beneficial to just go with the flow and take things as they come. And moving on to the patriarchal crap, I've often heard, “don’t dress like this,” “don’t post pictures like that,” “guys don’t want to date girls like this.” But I’d think to myself, why would I want to date a guy who is so narrow minded that he judges an individual based on their clothing and photographs? No one should have to change themselves to fit into a bracket and be perceived as 'suitable' to a potential partner, period." ~ Renèe Luthria, 23