Sometimes you end being in a toxic relationship without even knowing you are in one. It’s not easy to identify the premises of a toxic relationship. According to Merriam-Webster, the definition of “toxic” is “relating to or being extremely harsh, malicious, and harmful.” So, it’s difficult to associate these terms with someone who supposedly loves you and vice versa.
“At their core, toxic relationships typically manifest as someone asserting power over another and with someone questioning their self-worth or value,” says Mackenzie Piper to cosmopolitan.com. Mackenzie holds a Master's Degree in Public Health, and is a Certified Health Education Specialist, she adds, “But there is no perfect or complete definition, as all relationships are subjective.”
Usually when your feelings and emotions are involved you tend to become oblivious to the toxicity. Tow wiggle out of such a relationship that might be affecting your mental health, we tapped on Sheetal Shaparia, life coach and relationship therapist to share a list of not-so-obvious signs. If you relate with any mentioned below then it’s time to reconsider your relationship.
Love bombing- This might be a little hard to recognise and you might not even notice it. Love bombing is an emotional manipulative technique used by a toxic partner or a narcissist. When your partner tries to win your heart over, they will purposely put you on a pedestal to make you feel reliant on them. They do this to be your only source to go to. This dangerously develops into a codependent relationship which makes it toxic for both.
Heavy ex-baggage- If you find your partner constantly mourns about his ex, then that’s a sign he might have not moved on yet. Everyone needs time to recover from an old relationship before entering a new one. But that does not mean that you have to spend your relationship listening about your partner’s ex. Since this is an early sign of a toxic relationship, recognise that your role isn’t solely to provide a shoulder to cry on. You deserve to be loved just like anyone else.
Nothing gets resolved- Every relationship has issues. No matter how compatible you and your partner are, you are likely to disagree about something which will prompt one or both of you to compromise. When you’re in a toxic relationship, you will see that you and your partner are constantly arguing over the smallest or the biggest issues but fail to resolve it. This creates resentment and slowly the spark in the relationship starts to fade away.
Isolation- If you feel like you have to ask permission before hanging out with your friends or family, then your partner may be possessive. This is a sign that he might be trying to isolate you from others to prevent them from helping you escape the relationship. This helps him exert control over you.
Mismatched efforts- Are you the only one making efforts to make the relationship work? Well, you need to be in it together. One sided efforts tend to die after a particular point. You start to sense a lack of commitment from his side because eventually you will feel unappreciated and undervalued.
Victim card- In a toxic relationship, you will notice that your partner will point fingers at you to make you feel guilty, or simply ignore his role in creating the problem. He will mostly play the victim card, which can also be called emotional manipulation.
Lack of respect: Do you notice a lack of respect? Does he not value your opinions or take decisions without involving you? Or worse still does he abuse you in any way be it verbal or physical. Disrespect and abuse go hand in hand, where one goes, the other follows. If your partner has no regard for your feelings and no respect for you, it’s high time you act on it. And if you have already faced abuse, get out of the toxicity right now!