Does getting back with an ex ever work out?

What would you do if your ex called you right now and expressed their undying love for you? Would you go running at full speed into their waiting arms or would you roll your eyes and cut the call? Sure, shows and movies have gloried ‘the one that got away’ and sometimes there is nothing more alluring than the feeling of familiar territory but you have to consider that your ex is your ex for a reason. 

However, for whatever reason you want them back, read this (and read it carefully) before you send out that drunk text. If you’ve checked all these boxes and still want to be with them, you have our blessing. 

Before considering your ex again, introspect 

First things first, take a good hard look in the mirror. Ask yourself why you want this person back. Is it because you truly love them and can’t imagine life without them? Or are you lonely and need to be with who feels familiar? If you don’t ask yourself the tough questions, you’ll just be diving head-first into a relationship that might not fulfil you in the ways you need it to. 

You also need to consider what is happening in other areas of your life. For instance, if you’re having a hard time at work or if your best friend just moved away, you might just be craving emotional support from someone that feels safe and not considering or addressing the problem that led you’ll to break up in the first place. The bottom line is to make sure you’re getting back with your ex because you truly miss them and not because you’re scared to be alone or you feel guilty about what happened.  

Have you given each other enough space to breathe?  

Okay, it makes sense that if you’ll are trying to get back one of you will break the ice eventually. However, it’s important to do so only after both of you’ll have taken the time for yourselves. Only once you have some closure, have processed the breakup and maybe worked yourself a little will you be able to clearly assess whether you want this person back in your life. Jumping the gun because you’re having a hard time adjusting without them will only throw you back into the same toxic patterns that led to you’ll breaking up in the first place. 

Trust is the main component of any relationship  

Trust is to a relationship what fuel is to a car. You can put it in gear and press the accelerator all you want but without fuel, the car is not going anywhere. So, when your ex proposes that you’ll get back together think back to what caused the breakup. Did they cheat on you in any way? Did they cross the boundaries that you had specifically laid down? Did they disrespect you? And lastly, can you trust them again? If you can’t, what’s the point? 

Have you’ll forgiven each other? 

Do you remember the time Ross and Rachel almost got back together but didn’t because he refused to accept that he cheated on her? If he would’ve taken responsibility and she would’ve forgiven him, the storyline would be very different. It’s crucial to first assess and discuss the issue that led you’ll to break up. Even if that means you write an 18-page letter, front and back!

It’s very easy to sweep the issue under the rug. But somewhere and somehow it will crop up again when you least expect it. It will keep gnawing at you. And eventually, lead to a downward spiral. So, if you are planning to get back with your ex, make sure you’ve dealt with and sealed that old chapter shut. 

Slow and steady wins the race  

Okay, it’s not really a race. More like a marathon. If you want to reach the finish line, you have to start slow and eventually, it builds up. No matter what pop culture has taught you when you get back with an ex, the clock does not restart it resets. You can’t expect to pick up at the same level of closeness and intimacy where you left off. The breakup shook your bond to its core, be prepared to repair that instead of hitting the ground running.