10 people reveal the moment they knew it was time to find a new therapist

I remember confiding in a friend about wanting to start therapy, and the first thing they told me was that it’s just like any other relationship—you start slow, mutual respect is key, and if they’re good, you’ll walk out feeling lighter, maybe even a little better. But how does one even determine if they have a good therapist?

When I started therapy last year, I was hopeful. Not in a “my problems will magically disappear” way, but in a “maybe I’ll finally get some clarity” way. I was ready to do the work, open up, and navigate my emotions with professional guidance. Of course, the process was slow, which I expected. Each session built upon the last, and I knew therapy wasn’t about instant breakthroughs. But after a while, it felt like we were going in circles—revisiting the same issues without any useful insight. And then came the moment that made me wonder why I was even taking advice from this person.

We were skirting around my fear of abandonment, something I desperately wanted to unpack. And instead of helping me understand its roots, my therapist responded with an anecdote that ended with, “If they abandon you, you have to ask yourself—what did you do to make them leave?”

But that wasn’t even my first red flag. During an earlier session, she shared her take on women holding on to anger when a partner cheats or breaks their trust. She illustrated her point with a metaphor: “Think of them as a caged bird. Now open the cage and let them go. If they return, then you know that they really love you.” So according to her, taking back an unfaithful partner—after they’ve travelled the world, explored their options, and then "decided" to come back to you—was simply a message from the universe that you two were meant to be. Looking back, I should have bolted right then and there. I would have saved my time, my energy, and, most importantly, my money.

As it turns out, I’m not the only one who’s had a therapist say something that made them think, “Yup, I need a new one.” From questionable advice to unprofessional behaviour, people have shared their moments of realisation when they knew it was time to break up with their therapist. 

Ayesha*

My therapist excused people making sexist jokes or xenophobic jokes under the garb of them having an “emotional disability”. Another time, the therapist remarked on the fact that Hitler wasn’t a bad person—he just did bad things. That was some liberal BS, and I had to clock out!

Rhea*

When my therapist said my problems were not that serious, she added, "You don’t need therapy every week; we can connect in 15 days." And then, she ghosted me.

Neha*

She kept eating her meals during our session, which made me feel like she wasn’t fully focused on me. She also kept picking her nose, which gave me the impression that I wasn’t important enough for her to be cordial and professional.

Urvi*

When she actually started saying what I wanted to hear, not what I needed to, she became biased. She would say things like, "Yeah, your family is just like that," or "Your family won’t do this or will only react this way." She started voicing her own opinions instead of guiding me objectively. For example, if I said, "I’m so pissed at my mom because she said something," instead of helping me understand the situation, she would just say, "Yeah, your mom is like that. What can you do about it?"

Priya*

When my therapist, whom I had been seeing for over six years, started focusing more on her problems than mine, she felt the need to give personal examples for every situation I brought up. This made me feel extremely uncomfortable and robbed of my time!

Sahil*

When I was told that the reason behind my anxiety was that I eat non-veg and it hurts my spirit.

When I went to a therapist, I saw repeated patterns where I kept discussing the same issues with my close circle. That’s when I understood I was just venting and not finding any solution. 

Simran*

When my therapist told me that my inability to "get over things" was a sign of emotional immaturity, I couldn’t help but wonder if she was the one lacking emotional intelligence.

Vikram*

When she told me to "let go of my ego" to improve my relationships. Curious, I asked her how to do that, to which she replied, "You'll figure it out." If this is supposed to be a guessing game, why even come to you in the first place? 

Sanya*

When I opened up about my struggles with self-esteem, my therapist casually replied, "You just need to love yourself more." Just another cliché response I already heard a thousand times.

*Names changed for anonymity. 

Also read: Too broke for therapy? These mental health pages on IG will help keep you sane

Also read: #SaneGirlEra: Do therapists tell horrible people that they are horrible?