While online dating can offer you a plethora of choices, you often end up repeating almost the same conversation with every match. Back when I was testing the waters on a dating app, my motivation to converse was as low as the Dead Sea, dipping at a speed that was more consistent than my ex. Every person I matched with asked me the same bunch of questions, and it’s nobody’s fault, but it felt like I should just put a list of FAQs out there, once and for all. It felt like a drag—the way I feel when I have to wake up early in the morning, except when it’s for a nice breakfast buffet. Actually, it was worse because in this case, the possibility of matching with a snacc was still not making it seem worth it.
Of course, these are not universal struggles. Many people don’t mind the repetitive conversations but lately, I have been told by so many more that it is a deterrent. What’s more, those who successfully built meaningful relationships with their online matches will tell you that their conversations stood out. You match with so many people at the same time, you can’t have the boring AF textbook convos—it will only make you forgettable. The onus of making good use of your time and forging a connection that is intriguing doesn’t lie on your match alone.
Don’t give run-of-the-mill responses
It’s so tempting to just give the same old answers to the same old questions because it’s tiring to come up with interesting responses all the time. Like hey, can I just sit with my tub of ice cream watching Friends and replying just enough so they know I haven’t ghosted them? But no, this is the best way to kill potentially potent conversations. Talk like you’re invested. Talk like your work life hasn’t killed the spark in you. Of course, you can’t do that with the plethora of people you added to the cart, but try with the ones who seem like they’d make a difference.
Don’t make it an interview
Sure, you want to know what they do for a living (you’d make do with a banker but a serial killer is a no-no). You want to know where they live because the world knows you can feel like you’re in a long-distance relationship even when it’s rather local. But this set of questionnaire can start to feel a lot more like an interrogation and a lot less like a conversation. Talk about their day, and tell them about yours. Talk about their pictures and then once you’ve caught their attention, ask them the important details.
Ask them about things they are passionate about
Have you ever noticed how your eyes light up when you’re talking about something that makes your soul dance? Be it a dance form, doggos, or your career, if there’s something that you’re passionate about, talking about it will make you feel invested. So ask them about something similar. It’s 2023, and we’ve done enough dating to know life is too short for small talk.
Let them know if you’re getting busy
Sometimes, you are conversing with them on and off throughout the day, but there should be a point when you have uninterrupted conversations with them. Now that is after you’ve built some rapport with them because let’s be honest, rn we are in a dating pool that has the attention span of a school of goldfish. Having said that, when you’ve reached that level, there is nothing worse than just ceasing to reply in the middle of an active convo. Let them know you’re getting busy and will resume later. If anything, they will be looking forward to it.
Cut off desiccated conversations
Bad conversations can put you off dating. It’s better to cut those short and move on instead of investing any time in matches who are boring or unresponsive. Keep a quality check and be mindful of how you spend your time while dating online. It will keep you motivated and hopeful.