Rough sex can mean a myriad of different things to different people depending on their preferences and comfort levels. Ranging from being pinned to the wall, spanked harder or trying out various toys and restraints to indulging in Red Room-like BDSM techniques with one partner pleading for more, it’s an umbrella term.
And whatever your personal definition of rough sex is, the thing to remember is that you can’t just dive in head first. You have to sit down with your partner and talk about consent, boundaries and more that we discuss below. We get it, it can sound like preparing for it will ‘suck’ the fun out of the experience but it’s non-negotiable if you want your going ham session to feel like you’ve reached an orgasmic cloud nine but still be comfortable.
So, before you jump into bed (or on the couch, table, platform etc etc), keep these points in mind to have safe rough sex.
Lube it up
Whether you’re having rough sex for the first time or the 100th, the first rule is to apply LOTS of lube. Consenting to a good pounding can be steaming hot but if you don’t lubricate properly, you risk your ability to walk the next day. Besides, using lube can be incredibly sexy. You can ask your partner to massage it in or direct them where you want it. It will not only enhance the sensations you feel but also allow you to go hard and all in without any irritation or friction.
Talk about your fantasies
Always start out by having a conversation with your partner about entering the world of rough sex. As we mentioned above, ‘rough sex’ can have various meanings. So, discuss what you have in mind. Whether you want to go harder or break out the whips and nipple clamps to dabble in some BDSM-level kink, lay out your fantasies in a composed manner. We won’t lie to you, it’s not an easy conversation to have. But if they are into it as well, it’s a whole new world for you to explore together. This way they aren’t caught off guard, confused or surprised when you really go for it. But remember to always have a conversation first to discuss your limits and come up with a safe word.
Just a tip—make sure the safe word you pick is easy to remember and not something you would generally say at that moment. For instance, you could pick ‘pineapple’ or ‘elephant. You could even make up a word like ‘flumbersted’. Get creative, have fun with it and never hesitate to use it if your partner crosses the boundaries you’ll have set.
Start slow and build up gradually
This is a rule all rough sex newbies must remember—never go into it with guns blazing. It’s not a race, it’s a marathon and slow and steady will end with a podium finish. You can start with a simple technique like oral temperature play to really savour your partner and get in the mood. And when you feel the moment, speed it up and turn the intensity dial however high is comfortable for both of you. However, do remember to communicate throughout and pay attention to your partner’s body language. Ask them questions like ‘Is this okay?’ or ‘Do you like this?’. It’s crucial to check on your partner in order to find the sweet spot between comfort and pleasure. This will ensure you feel the full extent of the orgasmic experience and still be safe.
While rough sex (however you define it) can feel primal and intense, it can also lead to feeling vulnerable afterwards. And hence, checking in on your partner and making sure they’re okay is an important part. Here is where cuddling comes into the picture so shower your partner with soft kisses and affection. You could also talk to each other about what you liked and disliked to make mental notes. It’s all about making your partner feel safe and secure.