How cultural conditioning still shapes the timeline women are expected to follow

Cultural conditioning runs deep

Psychologically, cultural conditioning is one of the most deeply embedded influences in how people think and behave. According to therapist Deepti Chandy, these beliefs are often so ingrained that they are among the last things to shift, even in therapy. “Cultural conditioning is one of the most nuanced and hard-wired aspects of our psychology. It comes from years of parental influence, social messaging, and the environment we grow up in.”

From an early age, many women are taught to prioritise others over themselves. Over time, these messages shape how women understand responsibility, self-worth, and autonomy. “So when a woman takes care of herself, she’s often labelled selfish rather than someone practising self-care,” Chandy notes.

While these cultural scripts remain, they are also evolving, and this shift is where much of the tension begins. Part of this stems from generational differences in values and expectations. Baby boomers grew up in a world where cultural norms around marriage, motherhood, and gender roles were far more rigid, whereas millennials often sit at the intersection of two worlds.

Chandy says, “Millennials have inherited strong cultural conditioning but are also exposed to ideas about independence, personal choice, and the ability to walk away from situations that don’t work. Greater financial independence, changing attitudes toward marriage, and reduced stigma around therapy have created more freedom for women to shape their own lives.”

Gen Z, on the other hand, may encounter fewer explicit restrictions as conversations around autonomy continue to evolve. Even so, the emotional weight of older expectations can still linger in subtle ways.

Setting boundaries without burning bridges

Navigating these pressures therefore requires boundaries, but setting them within close relationships can feel complicated. One useful starting point, Chandy suggests, is shifting the focus inward. “We’re often taught to ask, ‘What can I do for others?’ but rarely, ‘What do I need for myself?’”

Understanding personal needs and priorities is the foundation of healthy boundaries. This means taking the time to ask a difficult but important question: What kind of life feels meaningful to me?

Chandy emphasises that these answers are not fixed. “Our choices are dynamic. We’re allowed to change our minds as we grow and our circumstances evolve.”

Protecting mental well-being in the face of scrutiny

One of the most common challenges is the tendency to tie milestones to self-worth. Marriage, motherhood, and other societal markers are often treated as achievements that validate a person’s life. However, they may not always align with an individual’s personal desires. “It’s important to ask whether a milestone is truly meaningful, or whether it’s something you feel expected to achieve. Reframing self-worth away from external validation can be a powerful step toward emotional well-being,” Chandy explains.

Equally important is building strong support systems. While humans thrive on connection, those connections do not always have to follow traditional scripts. Friends, chosen family, and supportive communities can provide emotional grounding that allows women to make decisions from a place of clarity rather than pressure.

“Sometimes people rush into life choices because they’re afraid of loneliness, but when you build a supportive ecosystem around you, you’re able to make decisions that are more aligned with who you truly are,” says Chandy.

Ultimately, autonomy is not just about making choices—it is about creating the space to reflect, reassess, and evolve over time. In a world that often demands certainty from women, the most radical act may simply be claiming the freedom to decide and redefine what a fulfilling life looks like. 

Lead image: IMDb

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